Ear-Killing Idol

ChipsAhoyPup

Disclaimer: I do not own the concept of American Idol OR Fruits Basket... Actually, I don't own them at all. ^-^

A/N Of course they're going to SUCK at singing. I mean, some of them are probably OKAY, but seriously? Yeah, suck. X3

"Okay, I know I suck at coming up with ORIGINAL ideas! So yeah, I made EAR-KILLING IDOL, where the worst of the worst of Fruits Basket sing!" I shouted. The American Idol song played so out-of-tune and sort of high-pitched that everyone in the audience covered their ears.

"Bwahaha!" I laughed maniacly into the microphone. "Okay, first we bring out the judges! The first judge is, the one and only, best of the best, ME!" I shouted, pointing to myself. No one cheered. I stared at them all angrily. "Buzz-killers," I growled into the microphone, then continued, "Next up, Pandora! My job is to make sure that she gets the most torture out of the judges!" I introduced, as Pandora padded up to the judges desk, which had two cups of Sprite and a bowl of water. Pandora sat on the chair that had the bowl of water in front of it, narrowing her eyes at me.

"Eheh... next is my FAVORITE PERSON EVAR, THE PERSON WHO I HAS A CRUSH ON AND HAS CAUSED ME TO NEED TO GET A HOBBY, SHIGURE SOHMA!" Oh, so they applause THEN. Whatever. Shigure sat on the far end of the table (It had a Sprite in front of it, just so you know.) I sat in the middle of the judges table, with my very own microphone! (Shigure and Pan-pan had microphones too, but mine is the best because it was RED.)

"Ear-Killing Idol is sponsered by Sprite and bowls of water! Yaaay!" I shouted. A cricket chirped, and I had to brush it off of the table, because it was way too close to my Sprite.

"Well, who's first?" I waited impatiently, and then saw Haru come out. He was dressed like a cow. (This is mainly for my amusement; I made sure that Ayame gave them all costumes of their zodiac animals, including himself, just so that they can sing in them. It's more funny! ^-^ Yet totally unoriginal, riiight? X3)

So Haru muttered emotionlessly into the mic, "I'm going to sing Pokerface. I like milk." (I'd told them all that they needed to add a random sidenote after they say what they're going to sing. Once again, my amusement. Oh, and YOURS too!) "Oh, and also, this is dedicated to you, Rin."

So after his little "dedication note", Haru took a deep breath, then:

"Muh muh muh MOO
Muh muh muh MOO

I wanna hold em' like they do in Texas Plays
Fold em' let em' hit me raise it baby stay with me (I love it)
Luck and intuition play the cards with Spades to start
And after she's been hooked I'll play the one that's on her heart

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get her hot, show her what I've got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh,
I'll get her hot, show her what I've got

Can't read my,
Can't read my
No she can't read my poker face
(He's got to love nobody)
Can't read my
Can't read my
No she can't read my poker face
(He's got to love nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Muh muh muh MOO)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Muh muh muh MOO)

I wanna roll with her a hard pair we will be
A little gambling is fun when you're with me (I love it)
Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun
And baby when it's love if it's not rough it isn't fun, fun

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh
I'll get her hot, show her what I've got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, ohh-oh-e-ohh-oh-oh,
I'll get her hot, show her what I've got

Can't read my,
Can't read my
No she can't read my poker face
(He's got to love nobody)
Can't read my
Can't read my
No she can't read my poker face
(He's got to love nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Muh muh muh MOO)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Muh muh muh MOO)

I won't tell you that I love you
Kiss or hug you
Cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin
I'm not lying I'm just stunnin' with my love-glue-gunning
Just like a dude in the casino
Take your bank before I pay you out
I promise this, promise this
Check this hand cause I'm marvelous

Can't read my,
Can't read my
No she can't read my poker face
(He's got to love nobody)
Can't read my
Can't read my
No she can't read my poker face
(He's got to love nobody)

Can't read my,
Can't read my
No she can't read my poker face
(He's got to love nobody)
Can't read my
Can't read my
No she can't read my poker face
(He's got to love nobody)

Can't read my,
Can't read my
No she can't read my poker face
(He's got to love nobody)
Can't read my
Can't read my
No she can't read my poker face
(He's got to love nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Muh muh muh MOO)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Muh muh muh MOO)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Muh muh muh MOO)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Muh muh muh MOO)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Muh muh muh MOO)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Muh muh muh MOO)"

I blinked, startled. "Uh..." Wow. He totally redid parts in the song, like changing "he" to "she" and "she" to "he." And saying "Muh muh muh MOO" isntead of "Mah mah mah maw." My favorite part had to be him changing "chick" to "dude."

"THAT SUCKED," Shouted Pandora. Everyone in the crowd started booing her, and before I could give my assesment, Rin ran up (dressed in a black horse costume), and smacked Haru in the face.

"YOU JERK," She shouted before leaving.

"Ooh, she's PMSing," I said, accidentally into my microphone. Everyone started to laugh. EVEN Haru.

"No, It's true. I would know," Said Haru after the laughing was over.

"TMI, cow, TMI," I yelped quickly into my microphone. "Anyways, onto a different subject! Um... that was okay. You could've had a bit more emotion, but other than that, you did good. What do you think, Shigure?" I asked, turning to the strangely silent dog zodiac.

"Yeah, it was good," Agreed Shigure, looking amused. "I like that song alot."

"Isn't that BIASED?" Pandora growled.

"No, it's an OPINION, smart-aleck," I replied to Pandora smugly, defending Shigure.

"...No, it's biased. But what can I say? I'm a biased person," Shigure said, looking happy.

"Okay, so it was biased! I'm biased too! Squeeeee!" I wanted to glomp Shigure, but we had a full audience, and so, no transforming. (Although we had Hatori the seahorse on hold in case we needed him to erase a thousand memories. Good thing this isn't video taped. It doesn't have enough sponsers to be video taped, therefore, no money, therefore, very small publicity.)

"Review!" I changed the subject happily. "Because if you don't, Pandora'll be forced to smack her head against the table a bunch of times until she has a headache slash is bleeding internally! And also, we'll never do another chapter again if you don't review!" I added.

"It's true. She won't," Put in Shigure.

Meanwhile, Pandora was hissing, "NO, DON'T REVIEW, PLEASE, THIS CAN'T CONTINUE! IT'S SO UNORIGINAL THAT I'M DYING! AT LEAST IF YOU REVIEW, FLAME IT! FLAAAME IT!"

Then everything went black because we were cutting to a commercial. (Wait... this isn't being video taped, how are we cutting to commercials? Oh well, that's just my lame excuse for saying that the chapter ended!)