Chapter 1

I was sitting on our bed, and when I say our, I say it in its broadest sense of course, thinking about it all…thinking about him. I knew I spent so much more time thinking about him than he did thinking about me. But I just wanted to understand what had happened, understand what had gone wrong and where. We used to be so strong, so together…so in love, but then…everything started falling apart. He was dragging my whole world down to the ground, I was drowning and he was the one that was holding my head under the water.

I loved him, and he used to love me too. We'd been together for three long years. Then, about two months ago, he'd proposed to me and I'd accepted. Now I was wearing a diamond ring on my finger that seemingly did nothing other than push us apart. It was only after he'd asked me to marry him that things started to go wrong. He seemed to drift further and further away from me. He was on the riverbank, and I was on the raft, the river had met the rapids, I was calling out for him to help me, but he ignored me, he just left me there, to capsize and never return to the surface. Whenever I attempted to talk to him about the up coming wedding he would just ignore me, either by visibly fazing out or just plain and simple walking away. I wanted to convince myself that he just had cold feet about everything that was happening, but why would he not want to speak to me about it? That was why I knew that there was something else going on behind this too. He had another reason to be ignoring me.

I didn't even know what had happened. I couldn't put my finger on my having done something, but he never spoke to me about it. He'd even stopped sleeping in our bed and started to use the guest room. He only ever came back to our room when he needed to meet his natural needs. And even that became less and less frequent.

I looked around myself, taking in every last detail of our room: the large mahogany wardrobe, the lamp and the desk in one corner, the elaborate dressing table close to the windows. I had so many memories that I'd forged in this room, but they all seemed to be going down the drain, floating away in a swirl of movement. How could so much happiness just fade away? I didn't know but I knew that the happiness was being replaced by pain, something that I didn't want to have to go through. Not again.

Sometimes I would lose myself in my thoughts and my memories. If I wasn't careful I even occasionally found myself talking out loud, answering myself. My depression was beginning to get the better of me as well. I knew that I needed to get away from it all and pick myself back up before I fell too far to stop myself from landing painfully.

The sound of the ringing phone startled me as I was brought back to Earth from my musings. I quickly regained myself and reached out, lifting it off the bedside table and placing the receiver again my ear.

"Hello?" I asked the person who was calling.

"I've already got it," came the snapping voice of my fiancé. "You can hang up again."

A very feminine giggle that I thought I recognized sounded from the other end of the line. I thought about it for a split second before deciding that I wanted to know exactly what was going on.

After feigning having hung up I placed my hand over the end of the receiver to hopefully block any sounds from my end from being heard. They stayed silent for a moment before picking up their conversation where they'd left it off.

I'd been right. I had recognized that voice. It was the same one as the last time and the time before that. They were flirting…again. I hung up for real this time. I didn't want to hear that. I didn't want to be forced to listen to the man I loved and who was supposed to love me, flirt with another woman.

I could feel the warm salty tears flowing from my eyes and trickling down my face. I caught my reflection in the dressing table mirror and plunked myself in a most ungraceful manor down on the stool in front of it. I studied what I saw there. Glassy chocolate brown eyes that were slightly blood shot from my lack of sleep over the past few weeks and continuous tears, disheveled brunette hair that had once been so glossy and full of life. Framed by my hair was my oval face with tears stains on my cheeks. Large bags shadowed my eyes. I looked awful, the sight of my smiling face from the framed picture that had always been on that dresser insulted me and I reached out, forcefully knocking it down so it could no longer mock me.

What was wrong with me? Wasn't I good enough for him anymore? I couldn't accept that as an answer. I grabbed tubes of make-up and attacked my face, leaving my eyes darker than normal, my lips a shade of subtle pink and my cheeks no longer showing signs of my tears.

In a split second I decided to leave; I couldn't stay in the house with that going on. I picked up all that was mine on the dressing table, some random clothes from the cupboard, a couple of CDs, etc and stuffed them all in my backpack. I put on my hat, scarf and gloves before clumsily reaching out to pick up the receiver.

I made sure to make as much noise as I possibly could before I placed the receiver against my ear. I gave them a chance to shut up for fear of being caught. It was too bad that it was already too late for that.

Act normal as if you don't know anything, I told myself, forcing myself to breathe calmly and keep my composure.

"Sweetheart?" I questioned, but didn't give him enough time to answer before continuing, "I'm going out to the shops."

"Yeah, whatever. Why are you telling me this?" he asked, his voice sounding slightly suspicious. I didn't want him on my trail, though, so I rapidly racked my brain for some sort of excuse to feed him.

"I was just wondering whether you'd like me to bring anything back for you." Oh yeah, Gabriella, that was just great! Very smooth. He'll never buy that! When have you ever offered to buy him something that he needed before now? Never. Which is my exact point!

I couldn't care less at that point in time though. We usually did our shopping together and only on the very extremely rare occasion did I go out to the shops on my own. I would either go with friends or him.

After a short silent prayer I turned my attention back to what he was saying to me.

"Yeah, well I need more of those head ache tablets. Those ones that I seem to be going through at the speed of light." The way that he said it made him sound like he was blaming me for his stupid headaches!

"Ok then. I'll be going now. Goodbye, Troy."

"Yeah, ok. Bye." He said sounding irritated as I hung up again.

I didn't think he'd comprehended my usage of 'goodbye'. He just automatically assumed that I would be returning home in an hour or so time. Boy was he in for a surprise!

I looked around myself one last time, checking to see if I'd forgotten anything important. I didn't think I had. I remade the bed and put what possessions I couldn't take with me in my bag into a plastic bin bag. The room no longer even looked like I'd ever lived in it.

I knew that he wouldn't take this very well once he'd figured out that I'd actually left, but I couldn't stay in this life anymore. I refused to become a nothing for fear of losing him to some girl he'd been speaking to on the phone. I didn't want to leave. I really didn't. I'd made so many new friends in Florida and I'd become especially close to his siblings, Kevin and Kelsi. It wouldn't be easy to leave them but I wanted to start yet another new life.

I picked up my bags of possessions and crept down the stairs. I heard him still talking on the phone. I didn't want him to see me so I rushed past the open living room door even though I knew that he wouldn't have been able to see me pass from where he would have been sitting on the sofa. I swung the front door closed behind me again with a click and I left the house one last time, stuffing my bags into the boot and climbing into my car. I put the key into the ignition and turned, sighing as the engine roared to life.

I'd almost reached the turn off for the highway when I started thinking. Was I going too far by leaving him? Then it struck me that I was still wearing his ring. I couldn't just take his ring with me! He'd hunt me down and kill me to get it back. That one ring was worth more than my life. I stopped off at a gas station and bought a packet of headache tablets and some orange juice. Well, I needed a reason to go back to the house, and I'd said that I was going out to the shops.

I came to the rational explanation that he must have been talking to a very close friend. I knew married men who still flirted with their close female friends. Could that explain this situation? After all, when one proposed to someone it is because one loves this someone and one doesn't propose to someone and then just stop loving them and move onto the next best thing, right?

I swung my car around and drove back in the direction I'd just come from. When I arrived back at the house my car's space on the drive had been taken up by a small disgustingly bright yellow colored mini, one of the new designs.

I looked up at the window and caught sight of Troy's shadow through the blinds. He looked as though he were talking to someone. That could easily be explained, it could have been a producer or anything. But somehow I didn't see a record producer having a yellow mini.

My suspicions were right because it most defiantly wasn't one of the male record producer's shadows that came into view the next moment. It was a female's. A, what was most likely, very beautiful female's. I couldn't move from my seat in the car. All I could do was stare. Who was this woman? And why did the outline of her shadow look so familiar?

The next thing I knew my eyes were sending pictures of this female leaning in closer to Troy with very clear intentions to my brain. I was not about to watch that. I wouldn't bring myself down so low. I hung my head and averted my gaze to the steering wheel. Whoever said steering wheels are not interesting to stare at was lying.

I didn't cry at first. All I could do was sit there, stunned by what I had seen, the images haunting my mind. Thoughts that I didn't want to think screaming at me so that I had no hopes of ignoring them. My vision clouded and I looked around myself in a daze, not fully able to remember where I was or what I was doing there.

Then the shaking started. My hands were affected first, involuntary tremors running through them over and over. Then the tremors spread to my arms, my chest, and my legs. No longer able to stop them, hot tears slid from my eyes and down my cheeks, over my lips and hung suspended from my chin before the tiny droplets of water fell, crashing on to my lap.

This wasn't how my life was supposed to be! I was supposed to get engaged to and then marry the man I loved and who loved me in return. My boyfriend of three years and newly titled fiancé was not supposed to cheat on me with some slut.

I had no idea who this girl was but I had no doubts that what I thought was true when I labeled her a slut. Who else would knowingly steal someone else's boyfriend from them?

The bitch's car was in my car's space in the drive, she was in my place in my house, kissing my fiancé. What sort of woman was she?

I slammed my still shaking hand against the car door and leant my head against the steering wheel, careful to miss the horn. I didn't want the horn to sound, alerting them to my presence. I wanted to quietly slip away into the night and be free of the man I'd believed in for so long and given so much to.

This all happened in the space of but a few seconds then I reached out with my right hand and turned the keys in the ignition, revving the car up again. I didn't spare another glance back to the window but instead purposely forced myself to look only at the bonnet of the car that was swiftly making its way back out on to the deserted road.

I slammed my foot on the break, swung the steering wheel around getting the car in line before forcefully pressing the accelerator and shooting off away from my life again.

Just before I rounded the corner I spared the house one last glance in my rear view mirror. Then I turned and the house left my line of view.

I hadn't thought Troy capable of doing such a thing as that but obviously he'd had that girl on the side. I found myself wondering how long she'd been in his life too. Was she the one that he went to whenever he wanted some affection now? Was that why he'd been to visit me less and less frequently until he'd almost stopped altogether?

I furiously brushed the tears from my eyes as I sped on towards the motorway for the second time that day.

I couldn't understand why this had happened to me. I'd always loved him with all my heart. I'd never done anything wrong, so why was I being picked on?

I just wanted the old Troy back, my Troy. But he'd gone as far as I was concerned. Since I couldn't stay in Florida any longer I began furiously racking my brain for somewhere else that I could go to for the time being. And then it hit me. It was so blindingly obvious that I couldn't understand why I hadn't ever thought of it before.

I was going somewhere that I hadn't been in ever such a long time.

I was going home.