Gundam Wing fanfiction by Lil Dreamer (lildreamer@fanfiction.net)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A Relena and Duo story (not like that! no Rx2/2xR or even 2+R/R+2) about building friendship under adverse circumstances. Set AC 197.
Warnings: happy angst... or something like that... we'll see how it works out
Duo Maxwell took the veritable ream of paper from the older man's hand with
a smile, but if any of his friends had seen the smile, they'd have known something
was wrong. A little older, a little more sedate, Maxwell was the new poster
boy for clean Earth youth. That barely-there sad smile didn't fit his personality,
the old or the new. The dark-haired man recognized the expression, though, and
left the room, his hand reaching up to squeeze one shoulder in a gesture of
sympathy.
Alone for a few minutes, Duo took the opportunity to examine the papers. Five in all, they spelled out the end of everything. He thought about his life, about his friends, about, well, everything. The last five years had been filled with so many ups and downs, friendships and joys and sorrows, life and death. Wars, uprisings, torture, hope... They were five years he shouldn't have had.
How he'd managed to survive both the war and Mariemaia's uprising was a question he'd never been able to answer. Stress tears your body apart, and when your body is fighting its own war... Well, he should never have been able to live as long as he had.
Time was running out.
He looked up as the office door opened slowly. A familiar dark head popped in, and Duo rose to shake the man's hand. "Thanks, Doc. I'll get these filled this afternoon." He remembered seeing the man only a handful of times before, seven maybe. With the war, trips to see his favorite surgeon were few and far between. Still, this man had earned the respect of being the only doctor Duo would willingly visit.
"You do that. Unless you change your mind, I guess this is goodbye, Duo." His only response was a tight-lipped smile from the 17 year old. They both knew his final wishes. Duo Maxwell did not intend on spending the rest of his life in a hospital. "Take care of yourself."
With that Duo left the older man's office. He stepped out the doors with his mind set on taking one last long look at the earth before he was finally bedridden.
Instead, he nearly stepped into the arms of Relena Peacecraft Dorlian. In the aftermath of the Mariemaia incident (and Relena's subsequent realization that Heero Yuy was not in fact the only decent-looking boy in the universe), the two had become friends. Seeing her wasn't the chore it had once been. Duo wasn't the only one who'd matured.
"Rel, what are you doing here? You look great, by the way, but..." He trailed off, lifting one hand in puzzlement as he paused to consider his second statement. She did look good today. Definitely a more casual outfit, the white T-shirt and jeans fit her perfectly, and Duo couldn't help inwardly grinning at the absence of pink.
"Waiting for you. I was driving by when I saw you go into the doctor's office. I knew you wouldn't actually tell anyone if something was wrong, so I decided to catch you in the act. What's up, Max?"
Duo smirked at his nickname. Relena hadn't been happy that he'd decided to shorten her name, and the added bonus of attempting to call him "Doo" hadn't worked. She'd resorted to his last name. The funny part was how long she'd taken before thinking of the solution, almost a whole month. He looked her in the eyes for a long moment. Apparently finding what he sought, he took her by the hand and led her to a nearby café.
"There's something I've been hiding for a while. You're not going to like it," he said as he pulled out a chair for his friend. "But I'm okay with it, and I have been for ages." Duo held Relena's hands in his own across the table and gave them a little squeeze.
"And this is something I'm going to hate. Promise not to make a scene."
"I was never worried you would, kid."
Relena yanked her hands from his to rest them on her hips. "Just because you had a teeny little growth spurt and are barely taller than I am-"
"Relena."
"I know, I know. 'Act your age, not Quatre's shoe size.' He'd kill us if he knew that was our little 'in' joke."
"He would, wouldn't he?" Duo stared off into space for a moment, remembering the day that had started that little joke. During the war, Relena's stalking had been too much for Duo to take one day, and he'd confronted her about it. Their insults slowly degraded to a mini war, and that had been the last one thrown before the two looked at each other and cracked up. That was the sole experience their friendship was based on. Everything else came from it, and most of their fights fell to it again.
Now Relena's hands clasped Duo's. "So, are you going to tell me or let me sit here waiting all day?"
Duo took a deep breath and started. Fast but informative was the way he wanted to get this done. "Rel, I have cancer. I've had it for, well, I don't know exactly how long. By the time I was taken to a doctor when I was 12, it was already close to terminal. This particular type of tumor is a silent killer. There are warning signs before the terminal point, but since they don't flash or have bright lights or anything, most people don't know they're sick until it's too late. Anyway, I was treated, and it just about stopped the growth of the tumor. It's inoperable, and I knew from the beginning that there's nothing to cure me. I've been waiting to die since I was a kid."
"But what about-"
"My Gundam? G was the one who took me to that doctor. I'd been dizzy some, and my balance was off. After, I managed to convince him I was a good choice for pilot. Since I was going to die anyway, it wouldn't be a big loss if I were killed, and since I was going to die, I knew the value of life and wouldn't make any hasty decisions resulting in my preventable early death. Also, unlike certain pilots, I was unlikely to be suicidal and destroy my Gundam and make more headaches for G. He agreed, I kept training.
"Rel, you're the only one here who knows. G is dead, and my doctor has the whole confidentiality thing. You won't..." He'd not broken eye contact with her once. He was still looking her in the eyes, but with a new pleading.
"No, it's not my place. It's your life, it's your... death. I won't. Do the others..." Her voice trailed off as she tilted her head inquiringly.
Duo Looked at her. "Relena, is it a weakness? Would you want to go into life-threatening situations with someone who might not wake up tomorrow morning at your back?"
She looked at the table. "I see." Looking up she answered his question, "You know, I think I'd be okay if that person were you." She removed her hands once more and propped her chin on them. "What am I going to do without you, Duo?"
He'd barely heard her whispered question, but he answered it just the same, "Just what you do when I'm with you, Rel, only a little different. I'm going on a really long mission with radio silence. 'Cept that's kind of denial, and that's not good. I promise to do what I can to watch out for you."
"I never doubted that, Duo, but who's going to give me my hugs?"
"Prince Charming, silly girl. I'll find him and kick his ass in your direction, 'k?"
Relena sniffed and smiled and blinked away the tears trying to break free. "Come live with me. I know it won't be long, and I know it won't be pretty or easy, but this way you don't have to be alone. The estate is lonely, and I have the money to hire anyone you need. Just let me get to know my friend a little better?"
"I don't know, I want to keep a low profile now."
"Vacations for all unnecessary servants, you can pack up your apartment, not leave a forwarding address, disappear. I know you, Duo. You can't possibly want to die alone. You couldn't live alone well, anyway. Just think about it."
Duo looked at his fingernails. "This is really what you want, isn't it?"
"Yes."
"All right. But you can't tell anybody. I've done too much to keep people away." His eyes glazed over as his mind slipped into the past.
"No, we're not! We're not partners, we're not friends, we're not lovers
anymore. You know, I'm starting to wonder what I ever saw in you in the first
place." Cold tears dropped as he turned his back on the one person he cared
for most. I can't let him see me cry. I can never let anyone see me cry.
"Is that so? Isn't it funny how other people see us? They say I'm the
cold, selfish bastard. I wonder, who else gets to see the real you?" With
those words, one boy's heart lay in pieces, and the other vowed never to care
again.
Finished reliving the memory, Duo looked into Relena's concerned eyes and offered
a grin. "Wanna help me pack?"
***
Two weeks later, Duo was settling into the Vice Foreign Minister's estate. Despite their initial gung-ho, the two teens had quickly discovered Murphy's Law. Getting the servants to leave for unplanned, though paid, vacations wasn't as easy as it sounded. Plus, Relena had forgotten to mention a few small details about their living situation.
"What do you mean, 'someone else'? Rel, I thought-"
She offered a quick, extremely fake smile. "Thinking's bad. Don't think. It'll be... fun."
Duo relaxed against his pillows again. They'd finished moving him in that morning, and he'd been on his way to a well-deserved nap when the somewhat-flighty blond decided to break this bit of news. "Well, why don't you just fill me in, darlin'?" he drawled, ignoring the groan at his horrid fake accent.
Relena looked down at her clasped hands. This was not the way things were supposed to work out. "You see, Mother has been lonely, so she's been looking into adopting another girl a little younger than I to, I'm not sure. Keep her company? One of the concerns was that I wouldn't get along with the new girl, but Kasey, that's the girl, suggested we have a trial period to see if we could get along. Mother is currently staying at one of Quatre's L4 guesthouses. It was the only way I could get her to leave. Kasey was supposed to go with her. But I found out yesterday that the agency won't allow colonial travel, so she's here."
"Already?"
"Yes. She's a great kid, Duo, and I really don't think she'll be any trouble. She won't say anything if we tell her not to, and she's just 12. Please?"
"You want her to meet and befriend someone who's going to be dead in a month? Relena, you went with me. You talked to the doctor. You know how hard this is going to be on you, and you still want to subject her to all of it?" Duo remembered going to the doctor's office last week. Relena wanted to make sure she knew enough about taking care of Duo, and she had to know what to expect. While relatively painless for Duo, he realized the caretakers often went through hell during the final weeks. All Duo had to worry about were the headaches and vertigo that would get worse as the tumor continued to grow. One day he'd fall into a coma and slowly, probably painlessly, die. The headaches had never been bad in his case, and they didn't seem to be getting worse, but the vertigo was more frequent now. Soon he'd be confined to his bed, unable to stand upright from the mixed signals in his head. Smaller side effects, loss of appetite, likely slight loss of vision or hearing, didn't really bother him. He was ready to rest.
They both knew how difficult things would be for Relena. She would already be watching one of the strongest-seeming people she'd ever known wither away. His moods would probably swing, he might become disoriented to a point where he didn't even know who she was, or he may even change personalities. There was no way to know how things would go with brain tumors.
"Duo, you were a 12 year old orphan once. I wasn't. I don't know what to say to her, how to act. I need help, and I think having her around might make things easier on both of us. I've thought about this since I found out, and I want her to stay. As long as you're okay with it."
Duo watched Relena's hands twist the quilt folded over the end of his bed. "Whatever makes you happy, princess."
That was a nickname Relena didn't mind, but there was no chance to comment on his choice before a stick-thin girl with dark brown hair bounced up to the bed and stared at Duo with happy grey eyes. "'Lena said if we gave her enough time she could talk you into anything."
Duo gaped at the bundle
of energy before turning to mock-glare at the innocent-looking teen at the foot
of his bed. "She wasn't wrong, I guess." The teens sat Kasey down
right there and told her everything about Duo's condition. She already knew
a lot from talking to Relena earlier and listening to the earlier conversation,
but all three of them knew inside that this conversation was needed. By the
end of the day, all three were more comfortable with both the situation and
each other, and by the end of the next day, Duo knew he'd found a kindred spirit
in the girl who managed to waterbomb Relena three separate times on the same
set of stairs. They kept their days busy, not wanting a chance to think about
or dwell on what was just around the corner.
***
Things were ok for a while, but soon enough fate slipped in.
Kasey ran down the stairs on her way to breakfast and barely managed to avoid tripping over a prone Duo. She yelled for help and managed to turn him face up before Relena and Pagan arrived on the scene.
"What happened?" Relena had reached down to check Duo's vitals. Kasey answered as the older girl pushed open Duo's eyelids to check for concussion.
"I don't know! I just found him like this!" Anyone could see that the little girl was upset, but she did her best to stay calm and wait for instructions.
"I think he's ok. Pagan, can you help me get him back to his room?" With little more than a nod, the two were working to move the emaciated boy back to his first-floor room. None of the three knew why he'd been on the stairs in the first place. Because of the suddenness of his bouts of vertigo, the doctor insisted Duo stay at the ground floor of the mansion. Relena had immediately converted the unused den downstairs into Duo's new room. He even had a private bath attached.
The long-haired boy began to wake as they maneuvered him onto the bed. "Rel?"
"I'm right here, Max. You fell on the stairs. Why were you going up, anyway?" By this time, the blond was tucking her friend into the covers carefully. Pagan left to salvage whatever was left of the breakfast his employer had been cooking when she was alerted by Kasey's shout, and the still-thin girl sat next to Duo and rubbed his braid soothingly.
"I was planning to wake Kasey. She's been a lazy bum lately." At that, the aforementioned Kasey stuck her tongue out at the older boy. He smiled. "I'm tired, Rel. Mind if I take a nap?"
She reached up to smooth his hair out of his face before replying, "Go ahead. I'll get you something to eat later." Relena barely managed to make it out of the room before the tears fell. She knew this was it. The vertigo kept him seated most of the day now, and this latest round plus the tiredness he was showing meant he probably had less than a week left. One look at Kasey proved that her adopted sister knew it, too. She gathered the girl into her arms and held on for as long as she could.
***
When Pagan next went into the den-come-sickroom, he nearly burst out laughing at the sight. Relena had dragged a small table over to Duo's bed, and the two were valiantly trying to set up a chess set with the help of the directions on the box. Pagan quickly backed out of the room when he heard the conversation. No, it would not do at all for his employer to know he was laughing his bum off at her.
***
"Um, Rel, do you actually know how ta play chess?" Duo was watching her squint at the directions while he leaned against the mountain of pillows against the headboard. His head still buzzed from the four pills he'd taken almost an hour before.
"... No, but I've seen people play it before!" Relena's eternal optimism was hampered only by the fact that she was a true blond.
Duo shook his head. The girl just didn't have a clue sometimes. "Me neither. Chess ain't exactly somethin' you pick up on the streets." Relena winced internally at the speech. She'd noticed before that the sicker he became, the more he slipped back into his old patterns. Perhaps the familiarity was a comfort? She rather thought he just didn't notice it. "Maybe we should stick to somethin' we know? Like, checkers?"
"I don't have any checkers, Duo. But..." She grinned a grin that reminded him why exactly she was his best friend.
"We got a checkerboard, and we got lotsa little pieces. Hell, yeah!" And the two played checkers with chess pieces well into the evening.
***
"Duo, are you sure there isn't anyone you want me to call? I know how you feel about this, but I can't help..." Relena sat on the edge of the bed. Duo hadn't been able to get out of it at all for nearly two days now. Somewhere deep inside, she knew this was the end. He'd held on for a few weeks more than the doctor had originally thought, but the extra time was at a price. He didn't smile anymore. His feelings showed through his eyes, but he was too tired to give anyone the infamous Maxwell grin.
His voice was low and exhausted as he answered, "Rel, there's no one... out there for me now... I gave it all up."
The two rested hand in hand in companionable silence for hours while Duo dozed. Sometime around sunset he opened once more those shocking purple eyes that hadn't lost their vitality through his illness. He squeezed Relena's hand in his. When she looked him in the eyes, he smiled. It wasn't a grin or a smirk or anything but a true smile for his best friend. Relena felt her eyes fill at the sight. "I love you, Rel."
They both knew what would come next. She let out a single sob and reached over to hug him one last time. She kissed his forehead and smoothed his hair, the motions so familiar after these past weeks. Then she looked him in the eyes. "I love you, too, Max."
As the sun set, Duo Maxwell slipped into a coma. Relena didn't leave his side once that night. Pagan glanced in a few times, and Kasey entered twice to bring Relena drinks and to kiss her friend goodbye. She hadn't been able to say the words earlier, but she knew he already knew how much she loved him.
It would be years before Relena would watch the sunrise. At sunset, she could remember her friend and the times they spent together. She could know in her heart that at least he knew he was loved when he left, and she would watch every night for the glimpse of purple-blue that matched his eyes. But sunrise... She'd never be able to appreciate sunrise again, for it was sunrise when she felt his heart stop beating, sunrise when she heard him stop breathing, sunrise when she felt his hand grow cold in hers. Sunrise.
When the sun was fully in the heavens, Duo's doctor opened the door. Pagan had called him when he noticed the change in Relena's demeanor. He knew the end had come. Relena rose from her bedside chair and shook the man's hand. Asking Pagan to assist the doctor with any calls that needed to be made or anything else that needed to be done, she went upstairs to her own room to shower and change for the day.
There were things she still needed to do.
***
There's one more part to this, mostly finished, but I can't get an ending that doesn't suck. -_-; I'll post it soon, sucky or not, I guess. If anyone is interested in beta-ing that last part or even reading what I've got while giving constructive crit, email me: lildreamer@fanfiction.net. And about the title... Originally, that was a Kasey/Duo scene where Duo was thinking too fast for his speech, but it's been written out. Might end up in the second part if anyone's interested in it... Hm... Oh, and if you notice the dif in styles, I wrote part of it over Christmas and part 5 minutes ago... Sorry 'bout that.
