A/N: Woot, angsty angst angst. Mild LightxL, I guess?

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Death Note.

As your eyes closed I gloated. But reality didn't take long to set in. You were fading, and I wouldn't be able to bring you back. And once you were gone I screamed, screamed out everything I ever wanted to say in one horrible yell without words. Your death was confirmed, and I just wanted to punch something, to destroy everything around me. I knew Rem would be dead, but I went after her, I hated her for killing you. I wanted to cause her so much pain, to thank her for it.

Rem's notebook is repulsive. Your name must be the one after Watari's- Lawliet. An interesting name (but you'll always be Ryuzaki to me). That damn notebook holds your name, it's what killed you, and I hate to touch it. Misa judges for me, because I can't stand the sight of the book that killed you, and I'm so glad you're dead, without you here it's so easy…

Your funeral was quiet. Not many people, but you didn't know many people, did you? And all I could do was clutch Misa (a poor substitute) tightly to me and try not to cry. Oh, she's a good actor, shaking shoulders to give me an excuse to hold you, but it's not right. She's the wrong shape, the wrong size, there's too much hair, she makes these strange little crying noises. But now Misa is all I have to hold. And the only word I can think of, it echoes in my head like the bells you sometimes spoke of- sacrifice. I sacrificed you for my perfect world, you were always ready to sacrifice yourself for your cause against me.

I said I would make a perfect world, didn't I? And you were in the way, and I couldn't allow that. So it's your fault for standing against me, and for being so good at it, isn't it?

You are dead. Dead because I can't make a perfect world with you here.

But how can my world be perfect without you?