A/N: Hello and welcome to Insentient. This is now the third time I've attempted to write this, and it will be the last time I do. I've been trying to write Insentient for four years, and quite frankly, it needs to be finished. This is it. Special thanks to Thomas Drovin for sticking with me since the original was published, and to RedSombrero for all the help you've given me. Please enjoy and let me know what you think!


Chapter One - Semblance

the outward appearance or apparent form of something, esp. when reality is different


Every morning was the same.

When I wake up, my eyes were always swollen, trails of dried tears having carved themselves into my cheeks in my sleep. I looked in the mirror with hope as if I expected a different reflection to blink back at me, that the last sixteen years of my life had never happened. But the burn scars never went away. My hair never grew back. My legs never came back. My eyes never were anything but depressed.

So every morning, with my prosthetic legs strapped on, I left the house to go for a run in an attempt to escape my life and leave it miles behind me. I always stopped to watch the sun rise, watching it set the sky ablaze with oranges and pinks. Every morning, I rose with the sun, but it was never a new day.

Today's morning went a little different.

Dawn was only beginning to break past the horizon when I left my room and bumped into my brother. Dark bags hung under his onyx eyes and he did not smile when he saw me, and I didn't let my sadness show. The last few years had been difficult both for him and with him because he had gotten into drugs. "Melanie's in the kitchen," was all Ryan said, brushing past me, skipping steps as he went upstairs. Upon hearing the lock on his bedroom door click into place, I flinched.

Most of the time it was better to pretend there was nothing wrong.

Having recently turned thirteen, Melanie had finally hit another growth spurt. Idly padding around the kitchen, she twirled a lock of her long, wavy ebony hair around her index finger, and her dark eyes inhabited a distant look. I sighed as I realized my older sister Brenna would have to go clothes shopping again; the new orange pajamas Brenna had recently bought for her were already too small.

"Mel," I called softly from the entranceway. A frown of concern flitted its way across my lips when she didn't respond. "Melanie." I voiced a bit louder, touching her shoulder. She jumped violently in response, eyes widening in both surprise and fear, then quickly calming as she recognized me.

"Oh, hey Sasha. Didn't know you were awake. I would have made you something if you were hungry. Ryan was down here earlier invading the pantry again so I made him a sandwich and heated up his chili. I can't believe he's still eating that stuff from five nights ago."

I ignored her attempt at small talk and tried to get her to meet my eyes. "How long have you been up?"

Melanie fisted both hands in her hair, pretending as though she was trying to brush out knots, but the jerky movements gave it away. "Um, well…it's five thirty in the morning, so three hours and forty seven minutes?" She replied uncertainly, struggling to smile. Her body was shaking, more so than usual.

"Melanie," I lowered my tone so she would know I was being serious. "Did you take your medication?"

For a while now, she had been afflicted by chronic insomnia. It kept my family—when we weren't having our own nightmares—up at night when Melanie had her night terrors, waking up (or not) screeching and flailing as if she were in pain. It terrified us. The memory of one of her particularly bad ones came to mind just then, making me tense. The image of Melanie in her bed clouded my eyes, her body twisted and arched painfully, her face scrunched up beyond recognition, screaming so loud…

"I don't like taking the meds," she insisted, snapping me from my agonizing thoughts. "It makes me feel like I'm a crazy person. Besides, the nightmare wasn't so bad this time. I was going to go back to sleep," she glared at me when I narrowed my eyes disbelievingly. "Don't look at me like that! I was, honest! But then I felt hungry, so I came down here and then…" she moved her hands needlessly. "…I guess I got distracted and voila, here I am four hours later."

I didn't understand how she could be so passive about it. "If you'd just take the pills, you wouldn't—"

"I don't want the stupid meds!" She whispered forcefully, arms locked straight at her sides and her hands fisted tightly enough that it looked like it hurt.

I took a few steps back, startled by her sudden outburst. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. How about some tea?"

Her eyes lighted with fury again. "I can take care of myself so stop trying to coddle me! Just leave me alone!" Her hands fisted in her hair and she turned away from me, squeezing her eyes closed.

I approached her, attempting to wrap my arms around her. But the moment my hand touched her back, she thrashed viciously, the back of her hand smacking my face. Shock flooded through me. I tasted copper in my mouth as my tongue throbbed with pain. "I told you to leave me alone! Why won't you listen to me? I hate you!"

Her words stung more than she probably realized. The concept of my siblings hating me had been in my mind for months after one time while I had been glaring at my reflection. My mutilated body, burned from head to toe, was a constant reminder of what we had suffered and somehow endured. And what we wanted to forget.

Blinking back tears, I stared at the tiled floor. "Okay...I'll go away now." I walked to the front door, the curved metal bars that served as feet barely leaving the ground. The moment the door closed behind me, I took off running, seeking escape in the rush of the wind and the burn of my lungs.

Our home was situated in the middle of nowhere, with our closest neighbors a mile away. The road we lived on was normally vacant, frequented only by tractor-trailers and lost vacationers. It made for a very quiet and tranquil scenery to sprint through. After moving from the house I grew up in, we moved in temporarily with my mother's parents who lived in a small town. The problem was that they were very devout Christians, something that drove my mother to run away in the first place. Having lived under the boot of my father for so long, we absolutely did not want the constricted lifestyle. We wanted to do as we pleased for the first time in our lives. So we moved all the way out here, a decision that was perfectly fine with me. The farther away from the human population, the better.

I hadn't even run a mile before I spotted something shining a short distance away, glowing radiantly like a star. Going against the logic of running away from the possibly dangerous object, I slowed my pace until I was standing in front of it, the orb leveled with my head. The little star was pure white, wisps that resembled mist flicked about it. In its opaque surface, I could see a person staring back at me with happy grey eyes, making the same movements I was. She was kind of pretty. Was that my reflection, but without a horrifically scarred face? I gasped in astonishment and reached up to touch my cheek. But the skin there was still ridge-filled and ugly.

I almost burst out in tears as the hope I had felt disappeared just like that and despair took over. My desire to look normal was violently strong, tearing me, on the inside, to pieces. Shrieking like a madwoman, I tried punching the orb, but the wisps shot out, wrapping around my wrist. My eyes wide with fear, I attempted to wrench my wrist away, but it would not let go.

More wisps exploded out, securing themselves around my ankles, waist, other wrist, and my throat. It moved me closer, smaller wisps eagerly stretching out to stroke my hand. I thrashed as hard as I could, but my efforts were utterly futile. I tried screaming, but yet another tendril gagged me. My hand disappeared into the orb and I lost feeling of the appendage. Finally, I gave up on struggling, but tears slipped from my eyes as I watched more of my body be eaten by the orb. I didn't want to die!

I squeezed my eyes shut as I was fully encased in the light.


Gentle yet cold hands on my shoulders shook me and I opened my eyes. Before me was a mocha skinned girl with hair like snow. The room was huge, constructed from what looked to be white marble. The dome ceiling was high above my head, intricately carved with designs.

Past the girl was a giant more than triple my height, sitting in a high backed throne. The being wore loose white robes that kept me from being able to tell whether or not it was a man or woman. A decorative rope was tied around its waist and the sleeves were just short enough to show the fingertips. A loose hood covered its head and a thin cotton mesh covered the rest of its face obscuring any facial features, even the bump of a nose. Its head was tilted down in my direction, so I knew it was looking at me, but it unnerved me that I couldn't see its face.

"Where am I?"

The girl smiled. "Welcome to the Spirit World Temple, Sasha. This ancient place is home to the gods who you now see before you."

With her words, I became aware of the others present. There were four more giants in their individual thrones, two on either side of me. Each was dressed in red, blue, green, or orange. The styles of their clothing finally triggered something in my brain, and I recognized the girl at last. "You're Yue?"

"That's me," Yue said brightly.

I shook my head disbelievingly, but I had to admit so far this was a cool dream. Although, I'd rather be bending an element and fighting Fire Nation soldiers than whatever this was. The strange thing was that I hadn't watched a single episode of Avatar in a few years and my memory of it was limited, so it was odd that I was suddenly dreaming of it.

"I can see it in your face," Yue said. "You think this is a dream. I guess that was to be expected, but this is not a dream." Something behind me caught her attention and she backed away quickly, moving to stand beside the giant woman in blue. I realized that all five giants were standing, towering over me like skyscrapers.

A powerful gust of air lifted me off the ground and I struggled against it with no success. I screamed, knowing I was powerless to do anything else. The god in green stomped the ground with his foot and chunks of rocks hurled themselves at me. I raised my arms to shield my face, but the rocks stopped not a foot away from me, creating a cocoon.

Through the cracks I could see the woman Yue served move her arms, conjuring water from the air and surrounding me with its liquid coldness. I screamed again, a torrent of bubbles bursting from my mouth and the air that had me lifted up forced its way through the water and into my mouth so I could breathe. Then, the fire god put out both palms, fire erupting from them. Flames licked at the rocks, changing them rapidly, evolving into crystal.

It was quiet again and my eyes flicked among the blurred forms of the people who might as well be about to kill me.

Suddenly, two very pale hands came through the crystal, one touching my heart, the other over my third-eye.

And then the pain began.


The only other thing I can register besides that I am cold and hungry, is that the room I am trapped in is dark and the air is damp. A flickering light bulb sways on a thin piece of string. My back is hunched and pressed into a corner. I look down and see bleeding welts like stripes across what is left of my burnt body. I try to move, but it's hard to. The blood is sticky and my hands are bound tightly behind my back. A few minutes pass by and I remember where I am. Trapped in the basement, bleeding and delirious from torture. Dying slowly and painfully but without regret.

I remind myself again and again that it is better for it to be me to be the one trapped here, not Ryan or Melanie or Aaron. Me. I'm the one who is without a chance of a bright future, who is scarred beyond recognition, who has already lost her legs. The only thing left that I have to lose is my family, and that is why I am where I am. Dying.

I remind myself of why I am here. Brenna is missing. I know where she is, where she's going, and my father wants to know so he can hunt her down. Hunt her down and kill her. Stop her from wherever she's trying to go. But I won't tell him, and that's why I am here.

I didn't know where Brenna was at first. Only that she was gone and that my father had dragged me down into the basement to force me into telling him what he wanted to know. I had learned to tell when he was coming to hurt me when the ceiling shook and dust fell from the banisters, so I am alarmed when the basement door had opened without a sound, light flooding into the room. The light made a silhouette of the feminine figure that crept down the stairs. Too tall and curvy to be Melanie, I croak, "Mom?"

"No, it's me."

I jump at the sound of her voice. "Bren?"

I hear her footsteps rush towards me as I sway, the loss of blood making me unsteady and nauseous. I have trouble keeping my head up and my eyes open. I am overwhelmed with the urge to just let sleep take over forever.

"Oh God Sasha," pain is evident in her voice as she grips my shoulders and I wince. Brenna lets go immediately, but I can't sit straight anymore. I fall into her and she cradles my head to her chest. "What has he done to you?"

"He's looking for you," My throat is still raw from screaming and is protesting against saying any more, yet I force myself to continue. "Where…where were you?"

"I couldn't take it anymore," she whispers. "I ran all the way to the city. I was going to the police station, I was going to tell them, beg them for help. But I couldn't, Sasha, I was so afraid! I got all the way to the desk and I just ran away. I couldn't do it. I couldn't risk them not believing me or even the cops not being able to stop Seth and we'd all get killed. I couldn't—"

"Go b-back."

"What—"

"Go back to the station. I'm already being beaten for your disappearance and for all he knows you're still missing. Go back and save yourself. Save me. Save us. Please. You have to. You know you do."

Brenna's shadowed face emanates worry and concern. "But…" She trails off uncertainly, but then her features harden as she stares at my wounds, old and new. She moves me so that I am braced against the cold brick wall and says to me, "Okay. I'm going to do it."

I smile weakly. "Hurry back. I've missed you and your cooking."

Her eyes are suddenly reflecting more light and I know she's close to crying. "Be strong little sister. I'll be back soon. Hang in there, I'll—" Her voice cracks and she runs up the stairs.

And I am once again alone. Dying.


Crack.

My eyes shot open.

Crrraaaccckkk.

I started to panic as the crystal was embedded with vein-like fissures, starting from the original crease in front of my face. There wasn't any water in the decrementing cavern I was imprisoned in. I became aware that my body was curled up into itself, my arms crossed over my chest. The faint ache that filled every fiber of my being reminded me of the brutal pain I had spent an eternity in. I could not move for it seemed the crystal had reduced to fit tightly around my body, but not snugly enough that it was uncomfortable. Then I began to struggle to breathe in the small confinement.

I tried butting my head against the cracks, but the results were ineffective. The cracking still echoed, however, and the crystal cell started loosening. I pressed my knees against the faults that had spider-webbed through all of the parts of the crystal I could see, and was thrilled when a chunk fell out. I tried again with my other knee and was met with the same outcome. Now having more room, I continued this process with every inch of crystal my knees could reach until I was able to move my hands. I pushed against the crystal with all the strength I had, and the wall gave in, and I tumbled through.

Landing on my knees, I reached out with my forearms to brace myself from hitting my head on the ground. Crystal shattered and sprinkled over me, and the bits I had knocked out dug into my legs. I was like that for a while, trying to control my breathing, and my heart was pounding rapidly, resonating in my ears. I stared at the ground with wide eyes, exhilarated at eh realization that I wasn't dead.

In fact, I felt better than being alive. I felt like I could do anything. I felt fresh and new. But I also felt tired.

I pushed myself onto my haunches, rubbing my eyes. A headache pulsed, but the exertion it took to move took away the pain everywhere else. The room I was in was about the size of my bedroom, which the room was. Not my bedroom, but a bedroom. Everything was white like a hospital, however without the machines. Squinting, I found that a small bed was in front of me under a curtained window. I closed my eyes against the headache that intensified with the tiny amount of noise and light.

There was a scuffle behind me and I heard footsteps, but I couldn't focus on anything, let alone see whom the two hands that touched my back belonged to. It must be two different people, I thought, since one hand is warm and the other is cold.

I was hauled up onto my feet, my arms slung around necks. The person on my left was smaller than their companion, and had longer hair. A boy and a girl, I assumed. The girl let me go after they dragged my limp body a few feet, a rustle of fabric following her movement, and her cold hands reappeared to help the boy lower me onto the bed. Covers were tucked around me, and a set of feet walked away from me, but paused when the other person didn't follow.

"C'mon Yue. We've to report back that she survived chrysalis."

"But it's her, Kiran. I led her here. If I hadn't, she'd be—"

The footsteps moved again, closer to Yue who was still standing next to my bed. "We, Yue, we led her here. It's too late. She's here, and that's all that matters. If it hadn't been you, it would've been someone else. Besides, one way or another, this would've happened anyway. Better now than later, yeah? Don't beat yourself up over this. You haven't failed. I know you won't."

"I know, it's just—"

"Yue, don't."

There was a short silence. Yue's voice was soft and uncertain when she spoke again. "Okay."

"Let's go."

I slipped back into the merciful abyss.


I woke up standing the next time I opened my eyes. I was back in the circle of thrones, but all were empty except for the god in white and the moon spirit. I wished my grandparents could see me now, standing in the presence of a god.

"Sasha," Yue acknowledged me.

"Yue, what just happened to me?"

"There has been an ability inside you that has just been unlocked thanks to chrysalis. Because you are linked to the spirit god," she gestured to the being looking down at us. "And you have the ability to spiritbend which is something you will learn in the near future."

Staring at the mysterious deity, I wanted Yue to elaborate on the connection I apparently had to it, but it seemed she was tactfully avoiding that subject. "Why is its head covered and why doesn't it talk?"

"Spirit is present in all elements and that makes it the strongest over the others. But with that much power comes a cost. The spirit god is both blind and mute. Its appearance is obscured. This is to ensure equality and justice so that decisions are made without prejudice."

In a way, it made sense although I didn't fully understand how a decision could be expressed without speech. Yue turned her head up and Spirit nodded its great big head. Returning her attention to me, the moon spirit took a deep breath. "Now to explain why you have been brought here."

"That might've been good to start with before nearly suffocating me to death in a crystal prison."

"Yes, well, I control the moon, not the gods," I opened my mouth to respond but she spoke again. "Continuing on: the reason you are here is because before you and I were born, a woman empowered by Ahriman, the embodiment of all that is dark and evil, sieged against the temple with an army of corrupted spirits. The battle was horrific, one of the worst in history, and lasted for many hours. This is why this chamber, along with much if the rest of the building, has cracks and holes. Under normal circumstances, the Temple would have gone undamaged and we would have been victorious, but this was not so. The enemy was able to penetrate the Temple because one of the four elemental gods has become corrupt."

"I can see why that would cause a problem." In all honesty, I was bored listening to her. She wasn't the greatest of storytellers. Her tone was so bland and serious.

Her eyes narrowed, unamused by my comment. "The next cycle of gods to take the thrones is in place. But it is your duty to stop the Dark One from launching the physical and spiritual worlds into chaos because when the new gods take up their elemental mantles, the Spirit World will be weak from their inexperience and vulnerable. If the gods are defeated, the Dark One won't just have access to the world I came from; it will be able to have control over hundreds more. If you succeed in stopping it, you will have saved billions of lives."

Yeah, that was encouraging. Every sixteen year old girl wants the lives of billions of people to be counting on her. This was an honor, truly. Thank you Yue, thank you Spirit God, thank you other people that aren't here. Wait, when did I become so sarcastic? Was I always this way?

"Okay, so a lot of people could die," I began, thinking it over. For me, some of those things didn't add up. There was no incentive for me. "But I don't know those people. I don't see why I should do it."

"If someone else was chosen, wouldn't you want that person to save you so you could stay with your family? You haven't even stopped to wonder if your home world is one of the worlds that chaos could come upon, haven't you?"

"Is it?"

"Yes," Yue confirmed. "Your family has only just escaped a life of constant fear and abuse. Will you put them back into that life again?"

She had a very strong point there. My family was important to me. If being the Gods' puppet meant saving them, then I would do it. They couldn't hate me anymore if I did. "So what do I have to do?"

An explosion erupted on the dome ceiling, creating a large gap. Through it came an ominous shadow creature that screeched when its red eyes landed on me. It jumped, long claws unsheathed and aiming for my head. But the Spirit God stood and swatted it down like a bug before leaning down to pick me up. With my suddenly fragile feeling body in its large grasp, the Spirit God ran, the huge doors to the chamber opening with a boom. Looking down, I saw many spirits running haywire and amazed to see past Avatars trying to ward off the shadows without their bending. Barrages of the creatures attempted to attack us, more specifically at me, though the Spirit God was deflecting them with some sort of glowing white shield that came and went on command.

It slipped into a room and closed the door behind us. The only source of light was from a square hole in the floor. Over the side of the hand I was in, I peered into the hole. Far below was land and water, as if I were looking down on a planet from space. To my horror, the Spirit God extended its arm, holding me directly over the hole. I struggled to hang onto the one enormous finger wrapped around my chest, savagely flopping around like a fish out of water to free myself and get to safety. My efforts quickly exhausted me and I stared at the hidden head. Despite knowing it was blind, it felt very much like it was staring back at me, trying to communicate that everything was going to be all right.

And then it dropped me.