Title: No Regrets
Pairing: Frasier/Roz
Rating: T
Genre: Het
Cat: Angst, Drama, Episode Tag, Romance
Spoilers: Tag for A New Position For Roz.
Warnings: None.
Summary: Some decisions might seem like mistakes at the time, but everything that's meant to happen will.
Author's Note: Finally finished this one! I'd been talking with someone about how I really did not like how they handled Roz's ultimatum (let's not discuss season 11, bc it's like they're pretending there were no "beyond friendship" feelings between Roz & Frasier, which is kinda BS, lol) & how I wanted to rewrite it. This isn't quite as angsty as I had originally anticipated, but I couldn't make them suffer that long. Maybe in my next fic. ;) Mwahahahaha.
"Fine." Roz grabbed her purse and walked woodenly to the door, more out of shock than anything. She knew giving Frasier an ultimatum wasn't exactly fair, but she needed him to see how important it was that he stop seeing Julia. She just hadn't expected him to choose Julia over her. She felt tears building in her eyes as she thought about it. It was so typical of him, to think with his heart instead of his head. For as smart as he was, he was sure an idiot sometimes, and this was the most glaring example.
As she stood waiting for the elevator, she half-expected to hear him behind her, begging her to come back inside, apologizing for being so thoughtless, but even after the elevator arrived and she stood there for a few extra seconds, giving him the opportunity to redeem himself, the hallway remained empty.
She stepped into the elevator, pressing the button for the ground level with a shaky finger and more force than necessary, and as the doors closed before her, the first tear slid down her cheek.
"Milk?" Julia returned to Frasier's side, holding a glass of milk she'd gone to the kitchen to retrieve. She found him frozen in place, staring at the door. "Frasier."
He glanced over at her, as though he'd forgotten she was still there. She held up the glass of milk and he shook his head. "No, thank you. I'm suddenly not in the mood for cake." His shoulders drooped as he turned his attention to Martin. "What have I done? Roz is my best friend! I can't believe I just let her walk out like that."
"Well, she didn't exactly give you a choice," Julia said, turning to place the glass of milk on the table.
Frasier slowly circled to face her. "That's exactly what she did. You or her."
"Yes, and you chose me. If you ask me, you're doing yourself a favor. Someone who gives you an ultimatum is clearly just concerned about themselves." She crossed her arms over her chest as she continued. "She's had it out for me since we first met. And personally, I just think this was a desperate attempt to keep us apart so she could have you for herself."
Frasier had been stroking his chin thoughtfully, but his head perked up at her words. "What did you just say?"
She shrugged. "I even confronted her about it earlier. It was not pretty."
Frasier bristled at her words. "You had no right to do that, Julia."
"She was the one who started it! Going on about how you're too good for me, you deserve someone who'll appreciate you, blah blah blah. Like I couldn't see right through that."
Frasier didn't say anything, just stared at her for a few moments. Finally, he spoke. "I want you to leave."
Julia put her hands on her hips. "What?"
"You heard me."
She threw her hands up. "Fine. But don't expect me to be all heartbroken over this."
"That's what I'm beginning to realize. I was so convinced I could change you, actually turn you into some sort of caring person, that I completely ignored those closest to me. I should have listened to my heart."
"I thought that's what you were doing, choosing a romantic relationship over someone who's just a friend."
Frasier nodded as he responded. "That's what I thought, too, but I've realized now that I was wrong, and perhaps I need some space to discover for myself just what it is I am feeling."
Julia walked back into the kitchen to retrieve her purse from where she'd set it on the island, her voice carrying out into the living room as she responded. "Well, it's too late to make things right with Roz, so it looks like you're going to lose out on two relationships." She returned to where Frasier stood as she finished her statement and stopped for a brief moment. "You better hope your friendship with her is worth all this, Frasier."
"Leave."
She didn't respond, just turned on her heel and walked out, much in the same manner that Roz had minutes earlier. As soon as the door closed, Frasier raised a hand to his face and rubbed it over his mouth.
"Well, now what are you gonna do?" Martin said, and Frasier looked over like he'd forgotten his father had been there the whole time.
"I don't know, Dad," he said, walking over and propping his hands on the back of Martin's chair. "I need some time to think."
"Don't wait too long," Martin said, pushing himself to his feet. "Roz sounded pretty serious when she said she wouldn't come back. If I were you. . ."
Frasier rolled his eyes in anticipation of what his father would say. "Yes, I know, if you were me you would have refused to choose in the first place, assured both women they were equally important to you, sat everyone down and talked things over like rational adults. You don't have to remind me how much I screwed up."
Martin stopped next to Frasier. "I was going to say, if I were you, I'd do everything in my power to get Roz to forgive me. A woman like that doesn't come along every day."
Frasier pursed his lips, then nodded. "You're right, Dad. I need to find her and apologize, let her know how much she means to me."
There was a moment of silence, then Martin asked, "Just what does she mean to you?"
Frasier just looked at him, then looked away, knowing his father already knew. Martin patted him on the shoulder.
"Do what you have to, son," he said, then limped off to his bedroom.
Frasier remained resting on Martin's chair for another moment, then pushed himself off, knowing what he needed to do.
Roz stomped on the gas pedal as she drove through the streets of Seattle, not really sure where she was going, but just knowing she wanted to get as far away from Frasier's apartment as she could. God, what was she thinking, giving him an ultimatum? Like he would actually choose her. She was just the friend. Yeah, they'd slept together, but they'd decided to remain friends. There was a moment where she thought he might want something more – when she'd walked into her family reunion to hear him saying he loved her, she was shocked but also . . . happy. The idea that Frasier could love her, and as more than just a friend, made her feel like them sleeping together wasn't a mistake, that maybe it was meant to happen.
But then Denise called him Roger and she figured out what was going on. Of course, she sensed some truth in the words he spoke, but he was such a good actor, she wasn't sure how much of it was true and how much was putting on a show for her sister. In any case, he had flown to Wisconsin just to make sure she was okay, that their friendship was okay, and she thought when she said they'd always be friends that wouldn't change, but he'd proved her wrong tonight.
Or maybe this was all her fault.
"Oh God," she said aloud, the sound of her voice feeling too loud in the otherwise quiet car. "I'm in love with him."
She caught sight of a mostly empty parking lot ahead, who knows for what, and pulled in, needing to not be driving anymore. She turned off the ignition with a shaky hand, then sat in silence for a moment, trying to process what was going on in her head, before lowering her face into her hands and starting to sob.
Frasier got down to his car and as he climbed into the driver's seat and shut the door behind him, realized he had no way of knowing where Roz had gone. He momentarily picked up his cell phone, thinking of calling her, but knowing she wouldn't answer if she saw it was him. He drummed his fingers on his steering wheel, thinking about what he should do. He just had to find her!
He briefly thought of simply driving to her building and waiting for her to get home, if she wasn't there already, but nixed that thought on the grounds that if she saw his car there, she'd just turn around and avoid going inside until he left.
He picked up his cell phone again, wanting to at least leave her a voicemail. She might delete it before she listened to it, but it was the least he could do.
As expected, the phone rang without an answer, then he heard her voicemail and quickly thought about what he wanted to say, but as the beep sounded, he still had no idea and realized it would mean more if he spoke from the heart.
"Hi Roz, it's Frasier. Well, you probably knew that already. Anyway, I wanted to apologize. I know an apology probably won't mean much to you, but I am sorry. I guess I was just angry at your attempt to derail what I viewed as the possibility for a relationship, and I missed what you were trying to say. If it makes things any better, I ended things with Julia. Which is what I should have done in the first place, because you are my best friend. I'm not willing to throw that away over some silly fight. More than that," he cleared his throat, "I care about you, Roz. So much. And I hadn't taken the time to really think about just what you meant to me until now. What I want to say to you . . . isn't the sort of thing one says over the phone, so please, please talk to me, Roz. We can meet wherever you want, whenever you want. I'll understand if you don't want to do it right away – I deserve to suffer – but know I'll be waiting for you if you do decide to speak with me. I just want you to know that…" The phone beeped, ending the message before he could finish, and he lowered the phone from his ear. "I'm sorry."
He hung up then, tossing his phone haphazardly into the passenger seat. He knew he'd never be able to sleep tonight if he didn't at least attempt an apology in person, so he put the key in the ignition and pulled out onto the streets of Seattle. He'd wait outside her apartment all night if he had to, just so she would see how serious he was.
"Dad was right," he said to himself as he drove. "A woman like Roz does not come along every day, and it's high time I admit to myself just how much she means to me." He let out a sigh. "I'm in love with her."
Roz finally looked up from her hands when she heard the sound of rain on her windshield. "Oh, great, like this night wasn't bad enough," she muttered, turning on the car so she could start up the windshield wipers. The rain started to fall harder and she made the decision to go home, as she didn't want to drive in a total downpour.
As much as she didn't like driving in the rain, she was grateful for it tonight, as it gave her something else to focus on other than Frasier. Because as mad as she was at him, she couldn't deny that she was in love with him and she wouldn't be able to just fall out of love by being mad at him.
What she really wanted to do was drive back to his apartment, apologize for her stupid ultimatum and if he wouldn't listen to her, kiss him senseless. But she couldn't do that, because he was probably with Julia, and he'd probably forgotten all about her already, or was spending his date ranting about her, which was probably pissing Julia off because all the attention wasn't on her. The thought of that made her smirk, but she scowled immediately, annoyed that she was once again thinking about Frasier.
A loud rumble of thunder made her focus on her driving again, and she pressed a little harder on the gas pedal, as much as she was willing to in this weather. She wasn't too far from her apartment, thankfully, and she was looking forward to getting home, giving Alice a kiss goodnight and sending the babysitter home so she could have a few too many shots of vodka, anything to make her forget what had happened tonight.
What she hadn't counted on, though, was pulling up outside her apartment and finding Frasier's car sitting there. She felt her heartbeat speed up, but tried to keep her calm as she pulled into a space across the street from his car and turned off the ignition. She would just pretend she hadn't seen him.
She got out of the car, quickly locking it before dashing across the street to her apartment, trying to stay dry. She once again felt very grateful for the rain, as it gave her an excuse to rush to her door.
Unfortunately for her, though, her key was being uncooperative as she shoved it into the lock, and she frantically tried to get the door open before Frasier could reach her.
"Come on, you piece of. . ."
"Roz?"
"Oh my God, open up already!" she muttered, jiggling the knob so hard she thought it might actually come off in her hand.
"Roz, I know you probably don't want to see me right now, but I wanted to apologize, before this becomes a permanent divide in our friendship." Frasier stood at the bottom of the stairs, wanting to give her some space, and she remained with her back to him, refusing to look at him. He waited for her to respond, and when she didn't, continued speaking. "Did you get my message?"
Roz paused in her attempt to open the door. She had turned her phone off, not wanting any interruptions, so she hadn't known he'd called. She found herself shaking her head despite herself, and cursed internally as she felt Frasier's presence growing closer. She knew she was going to give in, because she couldn't stay mad at him, especially not when he was being apologetic like this, because he was really the sweetest man when he wanted to be. . . But she was supposed to be mad at him!
She flinched as his hand touched her shoulder, but still didn't look at him. "Let's get out of this rain," he said, and she felt a tear run down her cheek as she thought of how ridiculous all this was, but responded with the only thing she could think to say.
"I can't get the door open."
Frasier chuckled softly and took the keys from her hand, his touch feeling electric despite the cold rain, and she finally looked up at him. He was focused on unlocking the door, but looked back to her once he'd succeeded in opening it, which had taken him about 10 seconds.
They gazed at each other for a few seconds, then Roz said, "Thanks."
"Can I come in?" Frasier asked, not wanting to be presumptuous.
Roz shrugged as she walked in, muttering, "You will, anyway."
Frasier rolled his eyes as he followed her inside, closing the door behind him. He'd take what he could get right now.
"Ms. Doyle? That you?"
"My babysitter," Roz explained, walking further into her apartment to meet up with her. "Take off your shoes if you're going to stay so you don't get water everywhere." Frasier saw then that she'd slipped her own shoes off when she'd come in the door and was walking barefoot across the living room.
He toed off his loafers, bending down to line them neatly on the rug next to the door, then shrugged off his jacket, hanging it up on the coat rack nearby. As he walked over to sit on the couch and wait for Roz to return, he could hear her in Alice's bedroom. Her soft, "Hey, Alley Cat!" made him smile, but immediately his thoughts returned to how he would get her to forgive him and ensure she could trust him again.
It was another couple of minutes before he heard them again, Roz saying, "Let me walk you out." He stood, wanting to acknowledge both women, and they appeared shortly.
"Oh, I didn't realize you had someone with you," the babysitter said, sounding embarrassed.
"Nicole, this is Frasier. Frasier, Nicole."
Frasier held his hand out to her. "Nice to meet you," he said.
"Same," she said, and as she shook his hand, recognition dawned on her. "So you're Frasier. I've heard a lot about you."
"Oh, really?" He looked up from her to Roz, who quickly shuttled Nicole to the door.
"I'll call you again soon, Nicole," Roz said as she opened the door. "Thanks again, and drive safe."
Nicole waved back as Frasier before turning and jogging down the stairs and to her car, trying to keep from getting too wet. Roz stood at the door a bit longer than necessary, until Frasier spoke behind her.
"You can't stand there forever, Roz," he said, and the tone of his voice was just so warm and soothing, she was tempted to turn around and run into his arms, but she held herself back.
"Why not? It's my house."
Frasier didn't say anything in response, but she soon felt his presence behind her yet again, and she sucked in a breath when he placed his hands on her arms and leaned down to speak to her. "I know you're angry with me, and you have every right to be. I am sorry, Roz. You don't even know how much. If you hadn't let me come inside, I would have sat outside all night, until I could speak to you." He paused. "Since you haven't listened to my voicemail, I may as well tell you what I said on it. I broke things off with Julia."
That made Roz react, and she did turn to face him then. "What? But I thought. . ."
He shook his head, leaving his hands on her arms. "I made the wrong choice. I think I was just angry about even needing to make a choice in the first place, and that's why I did what I did."
Now it was Roz's turn to shake her head. "I shouldn't have given you an ultimatum, Frasier. God, I don't know what I was thinking! I guess I just saw how close you were getting with Julia and I freaked out, because I know how much she hates me."
Frasier was silent for a moment, and Roz looked up at him, almost offended that he hadn't reassured her that Julia didn't hate her, and then he spoke. "Julia told me about your confrontation."
Roz paled. "What did she tell you?"
Frasier shrugged. "She's convinced you were just trying to keep me for yourself. Said how you were going on about how I'm too good for her, I deserve someone who'll appreciate me. . ."
"Yeah, I said that," Roz said, the words barely audible.
"That's when I really thought about things and realized I'd made a terrible mistake." Roz looked up at him again, her expression hopeful. "You're my best friend, Roz. And part of that is knowing when I'm making a bad decision. I know now that staying with Julia, and not keeping my friendship with you, would have been the worst decision I ever could have made."
Roz had been holding back her emotions, but his words made the dam burst, and she started crying as she threw her arms around him. "Oh, God, Frasier, I'm so sorry I did something so stupid! Me and my insecurities."
Frasier closed his arms around her, tightening his grip and letting out a deep breath. "We both made a mistake this evening, but the important thing is that we're talking about it now." He rubbed her back and pulled away, waiting for her to look up at him. She did after a moment and he reached up to brush away her tears. "No more crying. Everything will be okay."
Roz smiled for what felt like the first time that night. "Yeah, you're right." She sniffled and slid out of Frasier's grasp. "Oh, look at me, I'm a mess." She walked over to her sofa, where a box of tissues sat on an end table. She plucked a couple and wiped at her face and blew her nose, then sat down, motioning for Frasier to join her.
He walked over and sat on the other end of the sofa, waiting for Roz to compose herself before he continued their conversation. When it seemed she was ready to talk, he said, "This isn't the easiest question to ask, but I feel like it's something we need to discuss. Was Julia right about your reasons for keeping me and her apart?"
Roz looked like she'd taken one too many spins on a Tilt-a-Whirl, and her mouth hung open as she struggled to find the words necessary to respond.
Frasier saw her hesitance and made things easier by continuing. "Because when I was thinking about Julia, our relationship, I kept wondering why it never seemed quite right. I thought I was happy to continue pursuing her, but tonight I realized what I was doing." He paused, reaching out and taking her hand in his, and Roz continued to look like she couldn't believe this was happening. He smiled at her. "I was looking for love in the right place, it turns out, but with the wrong person."
It took Roz a moment to respond, but she finally said, "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying I don't know how you feel, but I might be in love with you." He refused to look anywhere but in her eyes, needing to see how she reacted, if she looked scared, surprised, elated. . .
But she was hard to read. To her, it was like she was swimming, like everything around her was water and she was trying to get her head above the surface, so she could see clearly again. But then the words seemed to sink in, and her expression cleared up as she responded.
"You're in love with me?" she asked, the words a whisper.
He shrugged. "I think so, yes. I just know I couldn't bear losing you, and I can only hope there was some glimmer of truth to Julia's. . ."
His words were cut off by Roz's lips on his, and he responded quickly and eagerly, unable to hold back a smile as he returned the kiss. Roz felt his lips turn up and broke away, looking a bit dazed as she asked, "What?"
He just grinned at her. "So she was right."
"Of course she was right," Roz grumbled. "That's exactly why I didn't want to say anything, because I knew how you'd react."
"And how is that?" Frasier asked, still treading the line between casual curiosity and melodrama he was so known for.
She rolled her eyes. "You'd just go around puffing up your chest because you were right about me being in love with you. I mean, you can be a little full of yourself to begin with, but that. . ."
"You love me?" Frasier interrupted her, and she blinked, focusing on him again.
"Yeah, that's what this whole conversation was about," she said, looking baffled. "Pay attention."
He started laughing then, and Roz continued to give him a bewildered look, but couldn't help but smile. He finally gained control of himself after a few minutes, and he reached over to take Roz's hand again. "Do you realize what this means?" he asked, and Roz nodded.
"Yeah, we could actually pursue something," she said, her voice quiet.
Frasier sensed some hesitance in her voice and rubbed her hand. "Does that bother you? If it has something to do with Julia. . ."
"Oh, hell no, it has nothing to do with you dating her. Or, well, not dating her now." She sighed and looked up at him. "We decided once that this was a bad idea, Frasier. How do we know we're not making a mistake?"
Frasier just smiled at her. "We're not."
Roz stared at him, a smile gradually making its way onto her face. "You're awfully confident."
He shrugged, squeezing her hand. "Why shouldn't I be? I love you and you love me. If you ask me, that should be all that matters. Maybe that makes me a hopeless romantic. . ."
Roz nodded her agreement at that. "Yeah, it does." She took his other hand and squeezed both of them as she held his gaze. "I just keep thinking about what happened with Roger. What if you and I decide to make a go of this, and then you just," she dropped her gaze, "get bored?"
Frasier studied her for a bit, then said, "Roz, look at me." She slowly raised her head, and the amount of love she saw in his eyes took her breath away. "We've known each other for 10 years. Would you say we have a boring relationship?"
She broke into a smile and started to laugh. "Never."
"And would you say we have chemistry?"
"Yeah," she responded, her mouth feeling very dry at the thought of kissing him again. "I really want to kiss you again right now, actually."
Frasier grinned. "I would be very happy to oblige that request in a moment, but I want to finish this conversation first." Roz nodded. "In all the years we've known each other, we've only gotten closer. The events in our lives that should have ruined our friendship only made it stronger. I feel that if we didn't pursue a relationship, we'd spend the rest of our lives wondering what if. I don't want to have any regrets, Roz."
Roz listened to his words and let them process for a few minutes, then nodded. "You're right. I don't want to wonder, either." She grinned at him. "Let's do this."
Frasier laughed and threw his arms around her, pulling her close to him. "Oh, Roz, this makes me happier than you can imagine."
Roz stayed in his arms for a few more moments, then pulled back to look him in the eye. "You really mean that, don't you?"
"Of course I do," Frasier said, his voice soft. "I love you."
Roz gazed at him, then said, "I am going to kiss you so hard right now."
Frasier gave her a smug smile. "Bring it on."
As their lips met once more, Roz brought a hand up to rest on the back of Frasier's neck and he caressed her cheek, they both knew that while Roz's ultimatum had been a mistake, what had happened because of it wasn't, and in the end, they'd do it all again, just for this moment, one perfect kiss between two people who'd loved each other for years without realizing it, and would love each other for years to come.
THE END!
