Had she ever anticipated that the literary standards of the people of Storybrooke would be so simplistic and hollow, it would have been entirely likely that she would have refused Mr. Gold's gift of the town library on the spot. Books were her passion, her savior, her escape from the unpleasant realities that she faced both in her own world and this. She read the greatest romances and tragedies, tales of adventure and mystery; she saw that the very essence of her soul was a composition of the characters that she held as dear to her as those she called family. To even attempt to describe the depths of her passion would be an exercise in futility, which is why adding Granny's name to the already extensive waiting list eager to read the latest atrocity 'Fifty Shades of Grey' was an agonizing task for Belle. As the works of great writers sat gathering dust, trash romances circulated the town like some form of infectious disease. Although it seemed that there had barely been a dull moment in Storybrooke since the curse had broken, many of the townspeople were attempting to come to terms with their new identities, a combination of their true selves and the lingering legacy of their cursed memories and experiences. Somehow, trash romance had begun to fill the void for many, uniting the passion and true love of their world with the gritty realities of this. Frankly, Belle thought it was disgusting.
It was a complete mystery to her how people could relish in messy love stories full of twists and deceit, as she knew all too well that in reality such events could not be more horrible. Her feelings for Rumplestiltskin…Mr. Gold as she tried to keep reminding herself, were a cause of constant heartache and confusion. She loved the man but despised the monster, and the two had become so intertwined that she felt both extremes continuously, leaving her emotionally exhausted. Just as she felt tears welling in her eyes for the third time that day, her thoughts were disrupted by Mrs. Potts, the woman who had taken it upon herself to adopt a mothering role for Belle after her falling out with her father. 'Good morning! I hope you're well love; I bought you a few things to help brighten your morning. And might I say you look like you could use some brightening!' Mrs. Potts exclaimed as she placed a heavy looking box on the counter along with a cup of her famous tea that she brought for her each morning. Quickly blinking back the tears, Belle gave Mrs. Potts the most genuine smile that she could muster and took a big sip of tea to give her a moment to compose her thoughts. 'What's in the box?' Belle asked, already fairly confident of the answer before she had even looked at it. Mrs. Potts was the most avid reader of anything lacking originality and involving a lusty young couple, and she was always bringing new books from her shamefully vast collection to help the library grow and prosper. Titles like 'Emerald Fire' and 'Unrequited Desires' were overflowing from the box, and it took everything Belle had to stifle her girlish grin at the muscular men and helpless young women that graced the covers. 'Just a few books I thought you might like love, you should give one of them a glance! Pretty young thing like you could get any man you want and you choose that skinny git with the bad teeth; you could learn a thing or two from these my love.' Mrs. Potts said with a wink and a wave as she made her way out the door. Belle knew that Mrs. Potts had her heart in the right place, and she was well aware that in both worlds Gold had made it his business to provoke and torment as many people as possible, but the intense swell of emotion that overcame her as she heard these words only served to strengthen her convictions and reinforce the love she felt.
Books had become for Belle more than just a passion, they were currently serving as a very real distraction from an issue that was becoming more difficult for her to avoid. Since her memory had returned and her relationship with Gold had recommenced, they had spent almost every evening together at his house, yet despite the intensity of her feelings for him, she could not yet bring herself to become intimate with him. She needed to know that he could be trusted before she could take their relationship any further, and although he was doing his best to respect and honor her wishes, the tension that was clearly growing between them was becoming unavoidably evident. Each kiss was becoming harder to pull away from, and his embraces were becoming more forceful, as if she could feel the desperate longing in his fingertips, a longing that she shared. Each time, just as she was on the precipice of succumbing to her wants, a jolt of fear shot through her, as she was reminded of all the awful things he had said and done as Rumplestiltskin, and she would excuse herself and pick up whichever book was nearest, burying herself in it to avoid the heartbreaking look of disappointment and shame that filled Gold's dark eyes. Usually he would walk away, give himself a chance to calm down, and then return with some story of his day to avoid the topic. This evening, however, was different. Having closed the library for the night, Belle loaded Mrs. Potts' books into her car and headed straight for Gold's house, having spent the whole day allowing her feelings to grow and strengthen since her encounter that morning. As she burst through the door she dropped the books by the door and without saying a word, and pulled Gold in for the most charged kiss either of them had ever experienced. She grabbed a handful of his hair as he lifted her onto the kitchen counter, their hands desperately exploring each other with such passion that tiny bruises were beginning to show on Belle's pale skin. She felt his hand on her thigh and just as he was about to slide it further up, the jolt of fear she felt knotted in her stomach, and she pushed him away, grabbed a book of the pile she had dropped, and locked herself in the bedroom.
The angsty romance that she had grabbed was in no way sufficient to fully distract her, but she began reading it nonetheless, frantically trying to escape her own thoughts. She made her way through three awful pages before she heard Gold open the door, she quickly looked away from the door and began reading again, hoping to avoid looking into his eyes. 'Belle, I need to know what I can do to help you get through this. I know you're afraid of me, or of who I was but that's not me anymore, not now that I have you and I need to know what I can do to help you see that. I love you but I can't be with someone that fears me.' His voice was broken and quivering, as if he was on the verge of tears, his honesty melted her and she summoned all of her courage to turn and look at him. 'I need to learn to trust you. Everything from your reputation, your name and even your clothes remind me of the bad. I don't know how to do that but I promise I am trying.' He sat down next to her and begun to stroke her hair, he kissed her and said softly 'my reputation will take time, but you can call me anything you want, and I'll wear nothing but my pajamas if it means you trust me'. He kissed her tenderly on the cheek and left. Belle was at a loss for words, it was clear that for her he would do anything it takes to win her trust, but his inherent goodness, his preparedness to do right by others, to be honest and genuine, still terrified her. She had her man, but feared that the monster still lurked beyond her sights.
As she did every night, Belle sent herself off to sleep by reading, but the only book she still had was that book of Mrs. Potts. Being completely mentally, physically and most of all emotionally drained from the day, she couldn't find the strength to get up and pick another, so she decided that would do. It was a paperback that looked perhaps 20 years old with an illustration of a young semi-clad couple in a passionate embrace. The title made Belle roll her eyes, although the irony could not be lost in her reading 'Darkness and Desire'; she desired the Dark one after all. From even the first chapter, Belle recognized that there were likenesses between the characters in the book and her own situation; the protagonist's desire for independence, the internal conflict between common sense and desire, and even the dualistic nature of the characterized love interest. Her first instinct was to dismiss these parallels, frankly it was laughable to think that there was anything to gain from such drivel, but then she remembered Henry. Had the young boy not looked beyond the initial lunacy of delving into the realm of fiction, she would still be sitting in a padded cell without even a memory of the man that now consumed far more of her time and energy than she cared to admit. Perhaps it was time to set aside her literary snobbery and approach it with an open mind, at the very least she could get a few giggles from the ghastly 'quivering member' phrases, but there was no denying that any form of insight into the complexities of her relationship were desperately needed. That insight was not to come that night though, as her eyelids were growing heavy and the words became more and more blurry, so she placed the book on the nightstand next to her, with her page bookmarked, and felt Gold climb quietly in to bed and wrap his arms around her, kissing her lightly on the cheek at the exact moment that she drifted to sleep.
As much as she would never admit it, Darkness and Desire had made something of an impression on her, and as the library was experiencing an unusually quiet afternoon due to some new adventure that Charming and Snow were about to embark upon, she took the opportunity to read a little more. It fast became clear that there were no 'warm centers' or 'throbbing passions' to be found in this particular book, and Belle felt her cheeks become pink as she read things that she had never even heard of before; she was certainly going to struggle to look Mrs. Potts in the eye next time she saw her, knowing that this was the kind of thing that she read. She was ashamed to admit that she was really quite naïve regarding the true nature of sex, having been raised in the strictest propriety of Fairy Tale Land and knowing only what she had read in highly regarded literature. Passion, lust, and desire were some of the most common topics that she had encountered, yet what followed this desire was never addressed, it was always delicately phrased and meticulously avoided. Of course, she knew the very basics and mechanics, but she could not forget that Gold had been married and already has a son, clearly demonstrating that he was well practiced and highly experienced, which only added to her already very prominent nervousness. It seemed, however, that this book was about to change all of that.
The male character in her book was a harsh business man who acquired his power and fortune through the manipulation and exploitation of others. Reading this formed a sudden know in the pit of Belle's stomach, it was so close to her reality that it scared her and yet enticed her to read on further. Unlike Belle however, the protagonist took a different approach to taming her beast as it were, choosing not to fight against him but instead to try him at his own game, allowing him to believe he had the power by giving it to him, knowing full well that she could revoke this at any time. Chapter three of the book saw Belle's counterpart, named Harli, take her man to her room where two silk ropes were tied to her bedposts, where she allowed him to tie her up and do anything but enter her body. Belle felt a small shiver run down her back as she imagined doing this with Gold, which she attributed to a combination of arousal and nervousness. The idea of being so precocious was hard for her to possibly conceive, and yet she could not deny that it both excited her and suggested a possible solution to her problems. In making her own rules, Gold's manipulative nature would have less opportunity to present itself, and by being tied up he would be able to unleash his darker side in a controlled setting. This also presented a way for her to build her trust in him and to release some of the ever increasing sexual tension that grew between them, without giving herself to him entirely. It seemed that she had decided what the night was to hold for her.
Belle was certain that she had never been so nervous in all her life. The excited anticipation of the evening was not enough to completely stifle the butterflies fluttering around in her stomach. Her hands trembled on her steering wheel as she drove to Gold's house where she knew he was waiting for her, as she began second guessing her plan, worrying that he may laugh at her or find her actions inappropriate or undignified. When she arrived at Gold's house, her jitters were clearly written all over her face, as Gold welcomed her with a brief kiss followed by an onslaught of questions asking if she was OK and if there was anything wrong. Belle saw a flash of terror cross his eyes, as though he was preparing for terrible news, it was the same fear she had seen when he allowed her to leave to go to town back in their own world. 'Don't worry I promise you I'm fine, I think I may just need to go lay down for a moment I'm not feeling very well. Will you come and check on me in ten minutes?' she forced out in a weak voice. 'Of course dearie take all the time you need, I'll come bring you a cup of tea' he replied with an unmistakable air of relief in his voice. He feared that their encounter last night was too much for her and that she was about to leave him. He found it so hard to restrain himself around her and it destroyed him to know that his actions had built a wall between them. He was prepared to wait as long as it took to pull that wall down.
For Belle, these ten minutes provided her with a perfect opportunity to enact her plan, as she changed into a revealing yellow satin negligee, reapplied her mascara, and tied two of Gold's ties to the bedposts, exactly as Harli had done in her book. She had just enough time to swallow her nerves and settle into her sexiest pose before she heard the sound of Gold's cane outside the door. She took a deep breath as the door opened and smiled sultrily. The expression on his face was exactly what she had hoped for; he froze on the spot with a look of surprised amazement and dropped the teacup he was holding, chipping it in exactly the same place as the cup that she had chipped at his house in their world. 'I...my God….I've never…oh..' there were no words for him to describe what he was feeling, looking at this beautiful creature that he already desired with every fiber of his being lying there offering herself to him. He found it impossible to believe that he, who was repugnant both inside and out, had this goddess looking straight into his eyes, wanting him as badly as he wanted her. There was no magic in any realm that had the ability to procure that look- behaviour could be controlled but not emotion. And he hadn't even seen the ties yet.
Belle rose off the bed and walked over to him, still standing motionless with his mouth agape, and began to plant the lightest kisses on his neck and up to his ear, where she gently took his earlobe between her teeth, letting her warm breath tease him. 'I want you. I'm ready for this but I have some rules. I want you to tie me to the bed, and I want you to do whatever you want to me. But, you are not allowed to enter my body. If you do, I promise that I will never speak to you again. Do we have a deal?' she softly whispered to him, feeling his muscles tense and tremble with desire. She knew too well that neither Gold nor Rumplestiltskin could pass on a good deal, and that once a deal was made, he would not break it. 'D…Deal' he murmured, seeming to have lost the ability to speak or think, operating entirely on feeling alone, feelings stronger than any that he had ever felt before that were not painful. She took him by the hand and led him to the bed where she lay down and put her arms in place by the ties, her nerves had faded entirely as she felt liberated by the control she realized she possessed over him. His hands still trembled slightly as he tied the ties around her wrists; firmly enough to hold her, but gently enough to ensure that she was comfortable. He unbuttoned his shirt and leaned over her, burying his face into her neck and kissing her with a forced restraint, for he feared that he would lose control completely if he were not careful. He placed his hand on her collarbone just above her breast, and before touching her any further he looked her in the eyes and asked as sincerely and seriously as he was able, 'Belle, are you sure that you're ready for this?' She looked back into his eyes with one of the most beautifully confident eyes he had ever seen and replied simply 'I love you.'
This was all the consent he needed. He returned to her neck, kissing her more passionately than he had ever kissed before, taking her soft skin between his teeth and biting until he heard her gasp with pleasure. He ran his hands down the length of her body, reveling in every curve and contour of her soft skin until he came to her thighs, where he began kissing her with the same insatiable longing to have every inch of her at once. His hands returned to her collarbone to the thin straps of the negligee that was prohibiting him from seeing the rest of her and as such had to be removed immediately. Belle was completely overwhelmed with pleasure and a sense of need that she had never known before; there was no fear, only a desire to experience everything that he could give to her. The rule that she had set seemed like a terrible mistake now, and it took everything she had to stop herself from demanding that he take her immediately. She felt her breasts become exposed, and let out a squeal of delight as she felt his teeth close down on her nipple, his warm breath and his tongue teasing her as she began to slowly grind herself against him. She felt how hard he was as his hips thrust in time with hers against her thigh. He stopped for a moment and looked at her; he wanted to make absolutely sure that she was comfortable with him before he went further. 'Belle, I want to kiss more of you, but I don't want to break your rules. Do you trust me to do this?' the forceful self restraint in his voice was clear, and she could see that exercising this kind of control was almost painful for him. 'Please' she whimpered, feeling as though she was about to explode from the tension and pleasure growing within her. Gold gave her nipple a final kiss before working his way down her body, running his fingertips lightly over the lace panties that were the only thing keeping him separate from her. He felt her shiver and slowly pulled them down over her perfectly formed thighs, leaving her looking beautifully vulnerable and completely at his control. He kissed her gently at first, but then slowly more and more passionately, responding to her increasingly loud moans. She pulled hard against her ties, wanting desperately to run her fingers through his hair, to touch him, to give him the pleasure that he was giving to her. Just as she thought that she couldn't take anymore of this pleasuring torture, taking her to the extremes of both ecstasy and an animalistic loss of control, she felt his tongue softly brush against her, and with a soft scream all of her tension and angst was replaced with a wave of pure pleasure and contentment unlike anything she had ever experienced. Gold ran his hands up her body and cupped her cheek with a smile of satisfaction, and kissed her softly on the lips. 'I love you too' he whispered.
Belle woke the next morning to the smell of breakfast cooking and a sound that she hadn't heard for years- whistling. She came downstairs with his dressing gown draped over the yellow negligee of the night before, her hair a mess but an unmistakable glow about her. Before she had the opportunity to say good morning, Gold ran up to her and enveloped her in the most loving embrace he had ever given. 'I have something to tell you dearie, I think you'll like it. I realize that what we did last night required a huge degree of trust from me, and I feel honored to be given that opportunity. I was thinking about what you said the other night and I've come to realize something- in Storybrooke I haven't a first name. I've never needed one before now but I don't want you calling me Rumplestiltskin or Mr. Gold, that's not who I am for you. My gift to you is my first name; I want you to choose one that you feel suits the real me, the me that I am for you.' He looked like an excited child, smiling the rarest of genuine smiles and it made him look gorgeous. 'I…I don't know what to say! Thank you but, are you sure about this? What if you hate it?' Belle had never felt more flattered and more special, but she knew the value of Rumplestiltskin's name and feared that this may be an empty gesture to get more from her than he did the night before. 'Belle I promise I will love the name that you choose for me because you chose it. I won't lie to you and say that I'm a changed man because I will always be who I am, but I want to be better, for us. And to be better I need a new identity. Please dearie?' his words spilled out of him with a passion that she hadn't seen before. It was impossible for her to restrain her smile, she knew that honesty of the heart did not come easily to him but he gave it willingly nonetheless. 'Of course I will then! Leave it with me though, I want to know that the name I choose for you is perfect.' She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave an excited giggle. 'Now tell me, what's for breakfast?'
