Rumpel couldn't recall exactly how or why he'd come to be in this place. It was dark and gloomy, with cavernous walls leading down to various tunnels. And there was a line of people, some old, some young, of various ethicizes standing and waiting for something.
"Excuse me." Rumpel said to a nearby elderly woman, "Could you ah…tell me what we're all waiting for? I don't seem to recall how I got here."
The woman turned to him, "You don't know how you got here?" she asked.
"Eh…no." Rumpel replied.
The woman took a deep breath, "Been doing any reckless driving lately?"
"I…I beg your pardon?"
"Excessive drinking?"
"Wh…no?" Rumple asked.
"Have you been sick?"
"Not in the conventional sense."
"Unhealthy eating maybe? High blood pressure?"
"Not that I'm aware of…"
"Have you made any enemies? Anyone who would like to kill you?"
Rumpel didn't answer the last one, "Pardon me but um…I don't see how all of this all connects together."
The woman gave him a grim smile, "It's simple. You're dead. I know it's shocking at first, but you'll get used to it."
The line began to move forward and Rumpel found himself losing balance. He caught himself against the tunnel wall.
"Dead eh? I-I'm afraid that's not possible." Rumpel said.
"Denial." The woman muttered.
"No- you see, I'm not exactly the easiest person to kill. There has to have been some mistake." The line continued to move forward, and Rumpel could feel his panic rising with every step, "It takes a very…specific process to kill me."
"Then you had a really cunning foe." The woman said.
The line proceeded to move until they arrived at what appeared to be a booth. Inside were two short men, one was fat the other very skinny.
"Name please." The short fat man said.
The old woman replied, "I'm Jenny Fairwinker."
"Jenny Fairwinker." The skinny man consulted a long scroll he held in his hand, "Jenny Fairwinker. Died November 2, 2015. Cause of death- stroke. Second portal."
There were two portals on the wall, both identical, and both swirling with some mysterious magic. The old woman walked through the second one and disappeared.
Rumpel approached the booth.
"Name please." The fat man said.
"Where did that woman go?" Rumpel asked.
"Through the portal." The fat man said.
Rumpel rolled his eyes, "And where does the portal lead?"
"Well," the skinny man said, "One portal leads to the Fields of Punishment- "
"And the other to the Isle of the Blessed." The fat man finished for him.
"The one you walk through is determined by how you lived your life." The skinny one explained, "Those who lived good, virtuous lives, trying to do the right thing go through to the Isle of the Blessed. But those who racked havoc on the world -"
"The schemers, the deceives, the evil-doers-"
"Go to the Fields of Punishment."
Rumpel looked nervously from one portal to the other, "Which one did the old woman just walk through?" he asked.
"Ah-ah-ah. We can't tell you that." The fat man lifted a finger.
"It's against company policy." The skinny man said, "You'll just have to find out when you walk through."
"Uh-huh…" Rumpel said.
The fat man consulted the scroll, "What did you say your name was?"
"I've had a few." Rumpel answered.
"Well, name off some and we'll see if we can find you on the list."
Rumpel thought about lying about his name. (It was very likely the portal they would direct him to would not lead to The Isle of the Blessed) But then he remembered the old woman. When the two men had found her name they had listed the cause of her death, and Rumpel was very curious to know the cause of his own.
"Rumplestiltskin."
"Rumplestiltskin…" the two men muttered as they consulted the scroll.
"There it is, Rumpelstiltskin. Also known as The Dark One, Crocodile, and Mr. Gold. Died November 2, 2015. Cause of death: Stabbed by quote-unquote "The Dagger"." The skinny man read aloud.
"Does it say who stabbed me?" Rumple asked.
"When found bring to Hades immediately." The skinny man continued.
"Who?" Rumpel asked.
"Hades. Lord of the Dead. Ever heard of him?" the fat man asked.
"No, actually."
"Well let's just say he's a god that doesn't like to be kept waiting." The men dismounted their booth and began leading Rumpel down a tunnel.
"You know, I never did catch your names." Rumpel said.
"Our names are something long and complicated you could never hope to pronounce. But for short, you can just call me Pain." The fat man, also known as Pain, said.
"And you can call me Panic." Panic waved.
"So, Pain and Panic, this Hades…what's he like?" Rumpel asked.
"Well, he is Lord of the Dead so he's immensely powerful." Panic explained.
"And he's also got a short temper, so don't get him steamed up." Pain added.
"Brilliant." Rumpel said.
The tunnel branched out into an open cavern lit with a greenish glow.
"Well, good luck!" Panic said.
"We'll just being going now." Pain added and the two scampered off.
Rumpel entered the cavern, "Hello…?" he called.
Silence.
"Charming place you have here…" Rumpel said, looking around at the flaming torches and skulls.
Perhaps the so-called god wasn't here to see him after all. He turned to leave.
"Going so soon?"
Rumpel nearly jumped out of his skin.
"Hades. Lord of the Dead. Hey. How ya doing?" Hades stepped out of the shadows. He was tall, taller than Rumpel and he wore robes of billowing smoke. His eyes were yellow, as were his pointed teeth, and his hair was made of blue fire.
"Sorry if I scared ya a bit there." Hades continued, as Rumpel stared at him with wide eyes, " Theatrics, you know, couldn't resist. So, Rumpelstiltskin! My main man! How's is goin'?" he gripped Rumpel around the shoulders, "you doing ok? Can I get you something?"
"Uh…" Rumpel removed Hade's arm from his shoulder, "No thank you."
"Alright then. So, Rump, you finally kicked the bucket, huh? How's it being dead? You like it? Afterlife lookin' all peaches and cream?"
"Um, no, not exactly." Rumple said.
"Aw, that's too bad. I mean, you did cause a lot of havoc up there on the surface. The world wouldn't be the same without you scheming, plotting, and making deals. A lot of lives were twisted, some even ruined, because of you. But hey. We've all got our own agendas right? It's a shame you couldn't exactly finish yours."
"You seem to know an awful lot about me, while I know absolutely nothing about you." Rumpel remarked.
"All you need to know, Rumpel, is that I'm your ticket out of this place." Hades said, "You say the word, and I put you right back on the surface."
Rumpel thought on this for a moment. Then he smiled an clasped his hands behind his back, "Really?"
"Yes." Hades replied.
"You…" Rumpel began to pace slowly, "Have the power to make me live again."
"Oh yeah."
"As though I never died?"
"Bingo."
Rumple paused and cocked his head, "I know you're asking me for a deal. You forget that I am the master of bargains and I know everything comes with a price. What's the catch?"
"What? Catch? There's no catch, only a little fine print. Let's just say that sometime in the future I'm going to ask you to do me a teensy weensy little favor. Ok? No biggie. But you have to comply, because otherwise I snap my fingers and you're right back here, facing your eternal judgment. That fair deal?"
"And what would this favor entitle?" Rumpel asked.
"How about we cross that bridge when we get to it, huh? In the meantime the land of the living is waiting. How's bout we shake on it?"
Rumpel stared at Hades extended hand, "You'll make me alive again?" he asked.
"As lively as a cricket, baby."
"We have a deal." Rumpel took his hand.
There was a flash of blinding light and then darkness.
(A.N. This was inspired when I went to a OUAT panel where the Queens of Darkness asked the audience what villains they wanted to see next. The crowd shouted "Hades!" and my mental gears started turning. So far this is what happened. I'm trying to be faithful to Disney while adding some additional Greek Mythology plus a little spin. Feedback appreciated.)
