James paced and paced more times than he could count. He wished that Lily was there with him but he desperately hoped she wouldn't follow him. This time he actually wanted to be alone. He wanted her to stay in that bloody house instead of following him like she had a tendency to do. Her bloody Gryffindor courage.
He felt like he had been there for weeks when in reality it was only a couple minutes before James heard a noise. He stopped in his tracks and slowly looked up. A rush of sadness flooded over him tinged with relief as he looked up on the faces of the only woman he had ever loved.
"James." Her choked voice managed to force out before she collapsed to the ground, sobbing.
James rushed over to her and fell to his knees before gathering her up in his arms.
"I'm so sorry Lily, I'm so sorry!" James mumbled into her hair.
"I wasn't strong enough. Not strong enough..." Lily started as a fresh wave of hysterics came over her.
James felt the warmth stream down his face as he tried to comfort Lily while knowing exactly how she felt and feeling ten times worse. This was all his fault. He would never forgive himself for not protecting them. For putting that huge burden on her.
"Harry….Harry…." Her words trailed off as the tears rocked her body.
"I'm so sorry Lily. I failed you. I was the one who wasn't strong enough. I should have protected you and Harry better. I shouldn't of failed you." James couldn't push part the choking ball of regret that had taken up permanent residence in his throat.
James' statement made Lily's crying slow down enough to look him in the eye. He immediately turned away from her gaze but she gently cupped his face and forced his eyes to meet hers.
"James, you are the bravest, most courageous man I know with the biggest heart. If you didn't notice, you were strong to hold your ground against an unknown adversary when you could have coward, you were strong enough to raise your wand when you could have run, you were strong enough to let us go when you wanted us to stay and you were strong enough to make the ultimate sacrifice. You were strong enough for us James and that is the farthest thing from failure."
"But you're here Lily when you should be with our son, with Harry." James whispered.
"Nothing happens the way it should be. Our lives our a testament of that. I shouldn't of fallen in love with you. We shouldn't of gotten married so young. We shouldn't of been fighting in a war. We shouldn't of gotten pregnant and had to go into hiding. We shouldn't of trusted Peter. Life happens the way it wants to, not the way we want it to."
"Peter? What about not trusting Peter?" James had been following along up until that point.
"Oh James." Lily's eyes softened at her husband's confusion. "You are such a fiercely loyal friend and you do have such a big heart. Remember that I don't say this lightly or without any consideration, but Peter betrayed up. Peter is the reason we are here."
Lily watched as her husband processed this. Lacing their fingers together she brought his hands up and kissed his knuckles as his face flashed with emotions.
"But Peter… We always… He was… How could he… why… but… Peter…" Slowly James brain processed and understood. As Lily predicted the anger overshadowed the pain.
"That bloody rat! Just wait until I get my hands on him." James started to stand up only to have Lily pull him back down.
"Lily let go! I have to go tell Sirius and Remus that Peter really is a rat and then we have to find him and…" Lily placed a finger on his lips.
"James. You can't."
"Bloody hell I can't! Watch me!"
"No James, you can't. You can't talk to any of them anymore. Ever." Lily said softly.
Finally he remembered where he was and what that actually means. He slumped back down to the floor and Lily held his hands to her face, silent tears washing over them.
"Padfoot and Mooney… I'll never see again…." James' voice trailed off on the magnitude of that statement hit. He would never be able to talk to his friends again, never be able to laugh with them, to prank with them. The tears kept coming and he didn't bother stopping them.
After a while Lily finally spoke. "Harry should have been here by now. There's no way he would have been left alive. Where is he?" Lily started to get panicked.
"Maybe it just hasn't been as long as we thought. Or maybe the Order got there just in time. Anything could have happened down there Lily. We have no way of knowing."
As if the room, because upon further investigation they were actually in a room, knew what they were saying, one of the walls flashed with scenes from the living. James and Lily watched as Hagrid handed a bundle over to Dumbledore.
"No. He can't be. He's not here... " Lily was about to burst with a fresh wave of sobs when James spoke up.
"Wait, he's not dead. Lily look, he's still alive." James whispered in awe to his wife.
"This boy will be famous. There won't be a child in our world who doesn't know his name."
"Exactly. He's better off growing up away from all that. Until he is ready."
They listened to McGonagall and Dumbledore's exchange as he placed their precious bundle on the porch of Number 4 Privet Drive.
"My sister." When Lily realized who Dumbledore was passing Harry off to she couldn't decide if she was grateful or disheartened. Harry would grow up around the only blood family he has, but Lily remembered how horrified of magic Petunia's husband was. Lily hoped that since Petunia had a little one as well that she would realize how important it would be for Harry to know about his parents and maybe, just maybe they wouldn't keep him from the world he was intended to grow up in, the world who had his real family and that he belonged in.
"What?" James asked his wife.
"Dumbledore is leaving Harry with my sister." Lily clarified.
"Why? Harry already has a family. DUmbledore knows that. He was there when we named Sirius and Marlene Harry's godparents. Since Marlene is gone then Sirius would take Harry. Remus would help out too. Dumbledore knew this so what is he doing?!" James was beside himself with rage.
"I.. I don't know James. We have to trust Dumbledore though, he knows what he is doing."
"How could Sirius let this happen? He would want Harry." James was sorting through the information out loud. "What if Sirius couldn't take him? What if he's…"
"No." Lily stopped him before he could go any further with that thought process. "He would be here if he was and he's not here James. He's not here." When Lily was saying that the screen on the wall changed again.
"Pettigrew! How dare you run like the rat you are! We befriended you! You bloody coward, you disgrace the house of Godric Gryffindor and the Marauders! You didn't deserve our friendship or our trust. Say hello to your 'master' for me you worthless coward." Sirius was about to draw his wand, regardless of the dozen or so muggles along the street when Peter whipped out his wand and cast sonorus.
"Lily and James, Sirius. How could you?!" He then reversed the spell and said loud enough for Sirius to hear, "Confingo."
The street exploded and Sirius was shot into the air and slammed against a building knocking him out. Muggles were screaming and bodies were mixed among rubble as the street was carved out, exposing the sewer pipes below. Among the chaos, nobody noticed Peter slash his wand along his finger letting the appendage drop to the ground before transforming into a literal rat and scurrying through the rubble and down into the pipes and sewage lines below.
"THAT CONNIVING RAT! I HOPE HE DROWNS IN THAT RUBBISH AS THE DIRTY RAT HE IS!" James wished he could run down there and hunt Peter down and ring his neck himself.
"Get up Sirius.. Get up…" Lily was watching the motionless body of one of her best friends laying on the ground. As if he heard her desperate plea, Sirius stirred.
"Uugh." Sirius climbed to his feet rubbing his head. Looking around he remembered what he was doing there and ran off to the middle of the crater in the street. He whipped around a couple times searching for Peter before glancing down and noticing a finger laying near a heap of bloodstained robes among the rubble. Surprisingly he burst into manic laughing and he felt it deep in his stomach as it poured out his body. His only thought was that it was sweet justice that a spell that James helped Peter practice was his ultimate doom.
Pop! Pop! Pop!
Sirius couldn't stop laughing as the Aurors took him to the Ministry of Magic and he couldn't stop laughing as they sentenced him to Azkaban for bringing about the death of two of his best friends, one traitor and a dozen innocent muggles. He finally stopped laughing when he was locked in his cell and the reality of it all hit him. The laughter turned to hysterics and tears as he realized what he ultimately lost because of one cowardly little rat.
"Padfoot…." Was all James could whisper before he sunk to his knees in front of the screen of his best friend sitting in a cage. Lily had no words. She wrapped her arms around her husband and let him bury into her warmth. Eventually the two fell asleep like that.
