Memories
All the time, awake
You're still on my mind
But we were on our own
Almost all the time
Present – Summer 2017
Nick lay on the sofa in his dressing room, arms behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. There was no one hovering over him now, no adult to ask if he'd gotten his homework done, no one asking him if he had checked his blood sugar.
One would think that he might find moments like this relaxing, but he didn't. That's when his mind wandered, and when it wandered it always went back to her. To Macy.
Nick Lucas was not strong enough to try to turn his thoughts from Macy once they went there. And right now he was remembering that summer in L.A., with no adults present, save Big Man really. He remembered that when he saw her for the first time at the party, how much she had changed and that was without her even speaking. He remembered being breathless for a moment and realizing it wasn't the first time he had gone breathless looking at her – not counting the times she had injured him. And how he knew this was completely different from any other time he had a liked a girl.
Then there was everything else from the L.A. summer that came back to him: the beach where he tried to surf in a weird attempt to win her back and impress her, at the house where she tried to subtly let him know she like him (which he picked up on but talked himself into thinking that she was talking about someone else) and where he finally confessed that he liked her. Then there was the song he wrote for her, which came out from his writer's block that he caused because he didn't want to tell everyone and have them go the way of Joe and Stella. He reminisced on other memories as well, golfing, Frankie trying to woo her, and the boat.
In his mind he was reliving it all.
A knock came to the door. "Let's go!"
Sighing, Nick stood up. He had a concert to play.
And she'll step away
For a second or two
And I close my eyes
And I think of you
Present – Summer 2017
"You were great tonight Nick," Emma said smiling to him as he settled down from doing meet and greets. "Of course, you're great every night." She went over to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.
He smiled at her, taking his jacket off and putting it over a chair. "Thanks."
She kissed his cheek again. "You look tired, Diet Coke or water?"
"Water, please" he replied and took a seat on a chair to take off his shoes. He closed his eyes, just for a moment, and the memories of Macy were back again.
"You were amazing!" Macy said as she hugged him when he came off stage.
"You're only saying that because you like me," Nick said.
She gave him a smirk. "I'm saying that because I'm still you're number one fan and I would never lie to you. Example, it did sound like you missed a beat during L.A. Baby."
"Hey, I'm not perfect!" He took her hand and led her away; his brother's following, Stella close behind, inspecting each of them to make sure that their clothes were all right. No one said anything when she hovered over Joe a little longer than necessary.
Macy patiently waited with Stella, off to the side but where he could still see her in the corner of his eye, while JONAS did meet and greets with fans. He never felt like she hovered. In fact he knew if she had it her way she'd probably be hiding somewhere just because of the fact she didn't want to make it seem like she was hovering or being jealous of the female fans that threw themselves at him and his brothers. Nick knew that she was probably giggling with Stella about the enthusiastic fans, especially when a brave one grabbed his butt. He could definitely hear her laughter when that happened.
"You know what I like?" Nick asked to her as they drove back home.
"What?" Macy replied
"I like that you like to be in the front row with the screaming fans rather than in some kind of comfy suite."
She took his hand in hers. "Nick, I am one of those screaming fans. Besides, the beach doesn't exactly have 'comfy suites'. I wouldn't go in one anyway because it sounds the best in the front."
Macy eventually fell asleep and her head came to rest on his shoulder. He couldn't help but let a crooked smile onto his face. He now lived for moments like this.
He heard his dressing room door open and in came Emma with a coffee for herself and bottled water for him. "Here you go babe."
"Thanks," he said and unscrewed the top and took a swig. "I was wondering," he said and looked at her. "Why not next time you come to our concert you, uh, sit in the front of the stage so I can see you."
Emma didn't even take time to think about it before she started to laugh. "Are you serious? With all those crazy fans of yours? No thank you, I'll stay up in the suite where I won't be maimed." She walked over to him and gave him a peck on the lips. She didn't have to add that she'd wouldn't stay backstage either, until after the show, because that's what she did now. "You're sweet to suggest it though. Now, come on and get changed so we can head over to the club."
We were only seventeen
Were holding in our scream
Like we'd torn it from the pages
Of some lipstick magazine
And you scratch and turn
And say, "Let's burn ourselves up 'til we scream"
Like gasoline
Past – Summer 2010
Nick decided that he did not like DJ Hero. He had no idea why they even own the stupid thing. Wait. That was right. Kevin and Macy loved it. Why? He had no idea.
"Campion!" Macy declared as she jumped up with her arms raised in the air.
"Five second dance!" Kevin yelled and they all watched as the eldest Lucas brother danced.
"Can we do something else?" Nick asked with groan.
Stella laughed, "Oh come on Nick, it's the losers round. You and me, let's see who gets to be the ultimate loser!"
Joe kicked his legs up on to coffee table. "You're just upset because your girlfriend scratched and turned better than you. Her skillz are so hot that she's on fire, like gasoline."
Nick gave him a look. "What is that even supposed to mean?"
"Yeah, even I didn't get that," Kevin said looking confused.
Joe shrugged, "I don't know, but you have to admit she was on fire."
Macy took pity on him and sat next to him on the sofa. "If it makes you feel any better, you can go outside and scream, but you are not getting out of the foot massage if you lose to Stella."
Those tender days
At your mother's house
And your father would find
My hand inside your blouse
Past – Fall 2010
He was worried that when they got back home that things would change for them. And sure, some things did change. Macy decided to take a step down as President of the JONAS fan club but still be the webmaster of the JONAS fan club website – she wanted to make sure things, such as gossip, were kept under control. Nick also relaxed a little, just a little. He wrote new songs but took them at his own pace, rather than trying to make a mad dash from the very beginning to get them all done.
And he met her parents and brothers. Her parents were very excited to meet him. Her brothers sized him up and eyed him before finally giving him their approval. He got along really well with them after that, though they did make it clear that if he ever hurt Macy they'd take care of him. And Nick wasn't so sure if that meant they'd beat him up or kill him. He didn't like either unfortunate out come.
As it was, in November before Thanksgiving, he was at Macy's house. Somehow they ended up being the only ones there as they watch a movie. They were sitting on her family room sofa, eating popcorn when it all happened.
"Nick," he heard her say.
"Yeah Macy," He replied, his eyes glued to the screen.
"There's a spider," she squeaked.
"No there isn't." The movie they were watching had nothing to do with spiders.
He heard her yelp and then say, "Not on the screen, in front of me!"
Nick finally looked at her and saw what she meant. In front of her was dangling a spider, a good size spider too; its legs and body together were about the size of a penny. When she breathed it moved the web it was hanging from, making the spider swing back and forth. He looked around to find something to swat it away with but there wasn't anything really. So he reached forward to swat it away with his hand.
As he reached forward to swat it, the spider thought it was a good time to dislodge from its web and drop onto Macy.
"Ahh!" she screamed and tired to brush it from her shirt.
"Get off her," Nick told the spider, trying to brush it off her as well.
"It went in my shirt!" she screamed and she tried desperately to dig it out from under her button up shirt.
Nick didn't even think and tried to help in getting it out and undid the first few buttons without thinking. He could see the little dark shape of the spider and tried to grab it without squishing it on his girlfriend.
"What's going on here?" Mr. Misa asked as he came into the room and both teenagers froze.
Nick at first didn't know what he meant until he looked at his hand. It was inside Macy's shirt, going down the front and resting on her breast. Nick immediately removed it, his face burning from embarrassment.
"It's still there!" Macy suddenly cried and ran out of the room.
Mr. Misa looked at Nick, his arms crossed and his face wore a disapproving expression. "Well?"
"Th-there was a spider, and it fell onto Macy, and-and I was just trying to get it off her," Nick stammered and knew that while explanation was completely true it sounded like a feeble cover up.
"Hmph, we'll see," he said and went in the same direction as his daughter.
Nick sat there on the sofa and hung his head in his hands, he was sure that Mr. Misa was calling his sons over to deal with him. He wondered if he'd have enough time to call his parents and brothers to say good-bye before he went to meet his Maker.
Luckily for Nick he didn't have to worry. Mr. Misa went to get Macy's side of the story. Macy had gone to the bathroom and, from what he later heard, was shaking out her shirt while jumping all over the place still trying to get the spider out. It eventually did fall out and her father crushed it.
Nick was cleared of all charges but Mr. Misa would, from that point on, give him a look when he'd see them cuddle on the sofa. Nick, fearing his demise, would quickly pull away from his girlfriend in order to preserve himself.
But they tell me that
You're married now
Oh my dear, I fear
I can't understand how
Present – Summer 2017
After the tour he went on a little vacation with Emma to the Bahamas. They were there for a week and when they came back he came to the realization, as he had in the past, that his current girlfriend was not the one.
He had learned his lesson from the previous relationships and before he called the quits he discreetly snuck out anything from her place that was his, otherwise it'd end up burnt, trashed, or displayed online. So until all his things were safe, he'd stay with Emma.
On a whim he went over to the firehouse, where his parents and Frankie still lived. They weren't currently there but he saw Joe's car outside and knew that at least he'd be there. He could hear, Kevin, Joe and Stella as he walked inside, where not much had actually changed since when he was in high school.
"Oh my gosh, look how beautiful she looked," Stella's voice trickled downstairs.
Joe laughed, "Well, she did have an amazing designer for her dress."
"I do try," Stella replied with a sense of pride. "It was not easy, though, trying to make her dress better than mine."
"You looked gorgeous too," Joe said.
"Oh, get a room you two!" Kevin exclaimed. Nick could only imagine that his brother and his girlfriend were having a moment of PDA, much to Kevin's displeasure.
Nick finally made it to the top landing and saw Joe, Stella and Kevin sitting in the recliners. "What's up?"
"Oh, hey Nick," Kevin said with a smile. "Come join us." The screen, aka "TV", was down and had something playing on it.
Nick shrugged and walked over to take a seat on the array of black and white ottomans that made up a pseudo-coffee table, so as to see what they were looking at. He later wished he hadn't.
"Aw, their first dance, look how cute they are!" Stella said and reached for Joe's hand. Joe, with a small smile on his face, took Stella's hand in his own, their fingers entwining.
Up on the screen was a slideshow of a wedding. The worse kinds of pictures were being shown to Nick right now. It was Macy, looking more beautiful than he had ever seen her, in a striking white dress, dancing with the devil incarnate himself, the Anti-Christ, Stone Stevens.
"Wow," Nick managed to mutter, and remembered now why the original reason why he went to the Bahamas with Emma – so he'd have an excuse to miss going to Macy's wedding. He thought perhaps if he didn't go, if he didn't see her walking down that aisle that it really wasn't going to happen.
But there was evidence to prove him otherwise. Now Macy was gone, forever. His Macy was now Stone's Macy and he couldn't do anything about it.
We were only seventeen
We were holding back our screams
Like we'd torn our lives from the pages
Of some girly magazines
And you scratch and turn
And say, "Let's burn these sheets down to the seams"
Like gasoline
Past – Spring 2011
Things had gone too far as they kissed and let their hands explore each other, and a part of Nick was telling him to stop, telling him that Macy deserved better than this make-out-session-gone-to-far on his bed.
His parents and brothers were gone and somehow, and Nick wasn't entirely too sure how, one little kiss at the front door had led to them on his bed, half dressed.
Macy's hands were on his back and when he sucked on her earlobe she ran them down his back. He was sure that he'd have red marks from her nails but at this point he didn't care. His lips slowly moved down her neck, leaving a trail of kisses, and he was becoming ever closer to her breasts.
"Nick," she said her voice clear.
"Macy," he replied, his voice thick from want.
"Nick we have to stop."
That was just the opposite of Nick wanted to do and it took what little will power he had left to stop what he was doing. "Macy?"
"Your ring, Nick," she said, looking over at his left hand where a ring he wore everyday was. It was his purity ring.
"You want me to take it off?" he asked.
Macy shook her head. "No, I want you to remember why you wear it." And Nick, feeling completely guilty rolled to the side of Macy. "I don't want to do it like this Nick. I want it to be special, I want it to be something that we'll look back on and think of how perfect and awkward it was the first time. Not how we had to burn the sheets afterwards."
He looked over at her and realized something. His Macy, his most wonderful Macy was worried about ruining him. "I love you," he said. The first time he said it, though if he had been braver he would have said it sooner.
A large smile covered her face. "I love you too." She gave him a sweet kiss on lips and then proceeded to put on her discarded clothes and he did the same thing.
I was only twenty-one
I wasn't having any fun
And the words you said
Tore through my head
Like bullets from a gun
And I shoulda just shown up and said,
"Get in this car, let's run."
It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over. It's over.
It's over.
The words kept playing through his mind as he drove away from her place. He couldn't believe it was over and it was entirely his fault. He shouldn't have been such a jerk.
But Stone Stevens? Really! Why did she have to go work for him? He understood what a great opportunity for her it was, and she really wasn't working for him, rather a group of surfers and he happened to be one of them, but did she really have to work him? Nick remembered at the beach, all those years ago, the way he looked at Macy like she was…was…was a taco he had to have.
Macy at first tried to reassure Nick she could take care of herself, besides Stone had a girlfriend so there was no reason to worry, that she loved him and only him. It didn't work. She promised to call him every day, text him every hour. He still felt uneasy.
Then he did the forbidden, because it worked so well last time. He told her she couldn't do it, couldn't go and work on the web team.
That was it, the last straw, for Macy who had up until that point had been more than patient.
"How dare you tell me what I can and can't do Nick, who do you think you are?"
"I'm your boyfriend," he started to say.
"And as such you should be supportive of me, you should have trust in me. Do you think just because I work for a guy that I'm going to leave you for him?" Macy took a step closer to him and poked him in the chest. "I would think that you of all people would know me better. You know what this says about you?"
Nick sighed, "No, what does this say about me?" And if he had been using all his I.Q. points (just three short of a genius) then he would have kept his mouth shut or would have started to grovel. However he wasn't.
Tears welled up in her eyes. "It means you don't trust me and if you don't trust me, Nick, then we're over." She turned and walked away from him.
"Macy!" he said, following her.
She was standing by the front door, holding it open. "Just go, please." Macy didn't look at him. He knew she was trying to hide her tears from him. She closed the door behind him and he could hear her lock it.
And so Nick left as she asked. That little voice in the back of his mind kept telling him to turn around and go back for her as he drove away. But he didn't. In the next few days he didn't try to call her and apologize. Joe and Kevin both tried to convince him to do so but he was stubborn and told them that it was her that should apologize to him. Stella then tried to get Nick to realize his mistake, and he did, but he was jackass and refused to admit it out loud.
And then she was gone.
And these years have seen
So many imitations turning green
Each like the last, they go right past,
Like credits on a screen
But your memory blazes through me
Burning everything
Like gasoline
Like gasoline
Like gasoline
Present – 2017
He rang Emma's doorbell and she opened the door. She found him standing there with a box full of her things.
"I decided to give you your stuff back." He handed her the box.
She took it, looking confused. "Uh, you can come in." Shrugging he did so and headed for her living room, Emma following him.
He made sure she sat first so he could sit away from her. He knew if she sat right next to him, and she grabbed his hand or brushed his hair off his forehead he'd feel guilty and wouldn't go through with it. "We need to talk."
She laughed, trying to keep it light, probably hoping he was going to her he'd be busy with a project or something. "I figured. What is this all about?" Her hand gestured to box she placed on the coffee table before them.
"I don't think its working out, the two of us. I'm looking for something else, I think, and so are you."
This was the worst part, telling the girl it was over. He'd done it at least a dozen times now, it seemed like. His relationships never lasted very long; he never took any of them to the "next level". The gossip magazines dubbed him a chronic or serial dater, a modern day Casanova of sorts. In reality he was looking for a distraction, something to take his mind off of Macy. The girl he'd never have now.
Emma was quite for a long time, and for a moment Nick thought she'd fallen asleep with her eyes open or had gone catatonic. Then she spoke, "Who is she?"
"Who is who?"
"This other girl, because I know there has to be another girl. I kind of always knew there was. Is she prettier than me? Is that why you've never slept with me, because you've been sleeping with her?"
Nick started to open his mouth and tell her no, there wasn't another woman but it was time to stop lying to himself and to those around him. "Yes and no. There is another girl, she is prettier than you, yes that's why I've never slept with you, but I haven't been sleeping with her either. In fact I haven't really spoken to her in three years. I'm still in love with her, even if she doesn't love me anymore, which why I'm breaking up with you. It's unfair for me to lie to you anymore."
"Go," she said, her voice tight and her eyes narrowed.
Standing up, Nick sighed. "I'm sorry Emma."
"Get out," she said, not looking at him as he left.
While he knew he should be more upset about breaking up, he really wasn't. Everything he told her was true. There was another girl; there would always be another girl, especially now that she was married. She was the most beautiful girl he had and ever would see.
Macy Misa (he refused to call her by her married name) may not love him anymore, but he would always love her.
He drove home in silence, not turning on the radio. And when he got home he planted himself on his bed and stared up at the ceiling.
Beep beep, He had a text message.
'Miss you,' was all it said. The number wasn't in his phone book so he didn't know who it was.
"Probably texted a wrong number," he mumbled to himself before he rolled over and fell asleep. In his dream he and Macy were having their first dance as a married couple.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. This a fan fiction website people, obviously none of us really do. Also, I LOVE Nick and Macy (Nacy)! I think their super cute together. However I heard this song and thought it would make a great song fic. At first I was going to do Joe and Stella, but somehow it turned into Nick and Macy. It's my first JONAS fic. I'm thinking of continuing it on. Maybe.
Update: This was originally a one shot but I decided to continue on. I won't post another chapter for a little while as I like to write several chapters at a time before posting them.
Song: "Gasoline" by The Airborne Toxic Event
