For a whole week Mr. Shuester has been trying to get them to open up to each other as some sort of bonding experience. He felt that they needed to know each other better to become more of a team. Santana thought it was a really stupid idea and that they should be practicing for Regionals and not wasting their time on this, not that she cared about glee.
When the idea was first presented it was met with silence and Santana figured everyone felt that this was stupid too. She even rolled her eyes when Berry decided to go first since she was team captain but even Santana was hard pressed not to laugh at how fast her mouth shut when Mr. Shue said that he wanted everyone to dig a little deeper and tell something that they wouldn't usually tell anyone. Translation: tell me your deepest darkest secrets and have faith that none of the people here are spiteful bitches that will tell your secret to everyone. Santana was not amused and wanted to gag at his audacity to even ask that of them. When it was clear that no one was going to volunteer, he sighed and had them work on their setlist.
When Tuesday came around unpredictably Rachel was the first one to crack and spill her guts. She told the club how almost every day since she could remember people have been calling her house to tell her how much of a freak and an abomination she is because she was born to two gay guys. It was enough to get Kurt to admit that he receives the same type of calls for being gay. Santana almost felt sorry for them, almost, because seriously have they not heard of caller ID? All they had to do was screen their calls. It wasn't the worst that could happen.
Wednesday Brittany shocks the hell out everyone, except Santana, when she tells the club that one Sue Sylvester is her mother. The shocked silence was boring but when Tina started to hyperventilate and several people started to rock in their seats while quietly mumbling to themselves, well that was enough to make the corner of Santana's mouth twitch from laughter. That was most definitely the highlight of her day.
Thursday was a very informative day. Matt was feeling particularly brave and told everyone that he wet the bed until he was twelve. Everyone was really supportive about it and Santana understood but there was no way in hell even under pain of death would she ever share something like that with anyone. Finn even found his balls and told Rachel that he had slept with her. Santana was surprised that it even would've came out that way and did cringe slightly at the way Rachel's voice went really high pitched the more upset she got during her rant. Things got a little darker when Mercedes admitted to being slightly anorexic until Quinn talked some sense into her. Santana rolled her eyes at this because it's no secret that at least half of the cheerios are anorexic to some degree. Quinn, ever the drama queen, bemoaned her lack of secrets because everyone knew that she was pregnant and who the father was and how her life generally sucked. Santana couldn't even imagine feeling sorry for her because how hard is it to slip on a condom? And getting drunk off of wine coolers is a piss poor excuse by anyone's standards. But one of the more shocking revelations came from Artie who admitted to trying to kill himself when his angst about being in a wheelchair became too much to handle. Santana is annoyed at how glee is less like glee and more like some weird support group thing. If she wanted this she would've signed up for a support group. She doesn't do feelings, feelings are fucking annoying.
Friday, most people are waiting for the weekend. Just get through this day and free for the next two days. Santana notices that only people who haven't really shared anything are Puck and herself and can tell from Shuester's face that he wants them to speak. She crosses her arms and glares around the room, in her own way telling him to go fuck himself because she's not sharing. Mr. Shue then turns to look at Puck who looks equally unwilling to share but apparently sucks it up because he opens his mouth to speak. He tells them how when he was little his father used to molest him and how one day he just up and abandoned his family and Santana didn't know how to deal with that information. It's not every day you see Puck of all people break down and cry, Santana didn't know how to deal with regular crying people let alone a crying Puck. So instead she does what she does best, she ignores everything, pushes down the emotion and examines her nails. It's not until everyone is quiet again and Santana notices that they're staring at her does she look up.
"What?"
"Aren't you going to share something too?" Mr. Shue asks and Santana hates the way he looks so hopeful. He's been looking at her like that all week as if he thinks that if he looks at her long enough she'll open up. It annoys her to no end and she hates the way that she's tempted to tell him everything.
"Why should I?"
"Santana we all have share something deeply personal about ourselves and it is only fair that you do the same and quite frankly it is your turn." Rachel states and Santana glares at her until she cowers in her seat. Mr. Shuester stays silent but he continues to look at her in hopes of sharing something with the rest of the club, even from her seat in the back she can tell that he's desperate.
She sighs loudly and looks for all the world greatly inconvenienced by what they're asking her to do. She looks up toward the ceiling and taps her chin with one finger and stays silent for a while.
"Let me seeā¦.oh I know. I'm sexually abused by my dad on a regular basis, and I sooo totally plan on killing myself. Oh and I almost forgot, he does it because I'm gay." She stares at them, her face completely blank and she can see the disbelief on their faces. They don't believe her because of her tone, they don't know that it her way of coping; make fun of the things that hurt most so that she can tell them. She sees how they're angry at her now because they think she's being a bitch and making fun of their pain. She wants to scream at them and tell them that's just the way she is, when she feels Brittany lock their pinkies together. At least Brittany knows the truth and is on her side.
Mr. Shue didn't look happy, "Santana you're supposed to be taking this seriously."
"Are you trying to make fun of me? After what I just told you about my dad you go and joke around about some shit like that?"
She looks over and sees a very angry Puck and starts to regret saying anything at all. Instead she just stares as Quinn reaches over and tries to calm him down. Kurt then decides to talk.
"Since when are you gay? With the way you sleep around with guys one would be hard pressed to believe that even if you sounded dead serious." Santana can feel herself getting angry and Brittany grabs her hand and squeezes it to calm her down. It only slightly works and the realization of that makes her really sad. It used to be that Brittany could just be around her and it was enough to make her day better. A simple smile and Santana would instantly feel better but lately it hasn't been working. Everything that Brittany would do to make her feel better suddenly wasn't enough, it wasn't enough to brighten her day and take all the pain way; and on bad day did nothing to overcome the feeling of absolute worthlessness that she would feel sometimes.
So she just stays silent and takes their unknowingly hurtful comments because fuck them all. Not a single one of them asked if it was true, they all assumed that they knew her better than herself and that she was lying. None of them noticed how her eyes slightly watered and how, when she crossed her arms, that she was subtly hugging herself. They're all off in their own little world and don't notice anything; they don't even notice that throughout the entire meeting Brittany hasn't smiled at least once. They don't notice how she's sitting a little further from Santana than usual and hasn't once looked up from her shoes or said a word. The two sit in silence for the rest of glee and don't move even when everyone leaves in a big group of love and support, all agreeing to go to Kurt's house for more bonding time. Even Brad, who's always the last to leave, leaves them all alone in the room.
Brittany can hear the group getting further from the door when she looks over to Santana. She's just staring at the door but Brittany can tell that she's really sad. She stands and turns to Santana.
"Are you going to come too?" Santana turns to look at her and gives a sad smile.
"No, I'm not going."
Brittany isn't prepared for the wave of sadness and fear that washes over her and she has to choke down a sob, "Please S, please come too."
Santana jus shakes her head again and Brittany can tell she's about to lose it completely when Santana grabs her hand and links their pinkies together.
"Please don't cry, I don't-"
Brittany understands, she doesn't want to see her cry instead she crouches down and kisses her. When they part Brittany looks her in the eyes, "I love you"
Santana smiles, a real smile, "I love you too."
"Goodbye."
Brittany gets up and walks away before she breaks down and cries because Santana doesn't want to see her cry. Behind her Santana sadly watches her go and sighs before reaching for her book bag. In the hallway Brittany can see that the group hasn't gotten very far, she figures they waited for people to get everything they needed for the weekend. She tries to hold in the tears because she's a really loud crier and she doesn't want Santana to hear but that doesn't stop the tears from falling down her face.
Rachel is the first one to notice her tears, even though they're nowhere near each other and Brittany briefly wanders if she has eyes like a hawk. But then again a sad Brittany is a very noticeable thing. The next thing she knows is that she's being surrounded and can't remember when that happened because she knows teleportation isn't possible, her sister told her so. They're asking her things now and she can't understand them all at once and wishes that they would all just shut up. Right when it was getting to much for her to handle does she hear the gunshot. It loud and hurts her ears and it sounds noting like in the movies. She falls to the floor crying and she doesn't stop, not even when Tina reaches the room first and screams. She cries all the tears Santana couldn't, she cries because Santana was hurting for so long and nobody would believe her. They didn't believe her, they laughed at her, and now she's dead and it's all their fucking fault.
