Home To Stay

A/N: Original Music and Lyrics are by Amy Gillies and Jeremy Lubbock. The song is sung by Josh Groban.

Little bit of a key: Flashbacks, Song Lyrics (Original or Revised), The events happening right now.

Now, onto the story…

--

Jack sat sipping a beer as he listened to the radio. Samantha Carter was getting married. To Pete Shanahan. The cop.

He sighed. And now, he was sitting on his couch, drinking a beer, and listening to "The Delilah Show." Man, he was a wreck. He didn't even normally listen to the radio, and certainly not "Delilah," the sappiest radio show of the century, but somehow this was exactly what he needed to hear. Sorta…in some crazy version of reality, he needed to hear other people's love stories. There were some stories about break-ups, others about people physically separated from one another, though never closer emotionally, others who were happily married after years together, others who had just gotten together…

In some twisted way, it gave him hope. But in another, it validated his thought that he wasn't worthy of a good relationship. Sara. Charlie. Kynthia. Laira. Sam…

He took a sip of the cold drink. He hadn't been this pathetic since Daniel had stayed the night after the second Abydos mission.

Suddenly, over the radio, he heard that new singer's voice…Josh…something…

I know you're gone,
I watched you leave.
I always thought that it was me.
You made it clear with that last kiss,
You couldn't live a life
With maybes and what ifs.

She sighed and picked up the small velvet box, placing it in front of him.

"Pete gave me this."

His heart sank, knowing what was probably in it. However, just to be on the safe side, he picked up and opened the box to find a solitaire diamond ring inside.

"People normally wear these on their fingers." He said, trying to hide his own feelings.

"I haven't said yes." She said, wincing at his remark. It was almost as if she expected him to say something else…beg or something…

"And yet – you haven't said no." He said, snapping the box shut.

"I told him I needed to think about it." She said, watching his every move. There was something in her eye that he had never quite seen before. A level of uncertainty that she had never exhibited before.

"And?" He asked, placing the box back on her desk.

"That was two weeks ago."

"Ah!" So, she did have doubts. And…not just one or two…

"Y'know, all these years I've been concentrating on work – I just assumed that one day I would…"

"Have a life?"

"Yeah!"

"Yeah." He replied.

"And now it comes down to it, I don't know. I mean, every time we go through the Gate, we risk not coming back. Is it fair to put somebody else through that?"

"Pete is a cop – I think he could handle it." After all, he's asking you to do the same thing, he thought to himself.

"What about kids?" She asked, as if an epiphany had struck her.

"What about 'em?"

"Do I take maternity leave and then come back? What, do I drop the baby off at daycare on my way to some unexplored planet on the edge of the Crab Nebula?"

He was starting to get tired of the excuses. If she didn't want to marry Pete, why was she coming to him? Why didn't she just say that she didn't want to marry Pete because she was in love with him?

Because it's not true…he replied to himself.

"Carter, there are people on this base who have families."

There was a brief pause as she thought to herself. "What about you? If things had been different ..."

He looked at her for a moment, unsure of how to answer. There were still regulations. But…she had just asked him what he had wanted her to ask him…in much the same veiled manner that he was trying to respond to her in.

"I wouldn't be here."

He took another sip of the beer. So much for trying to forget…it was if the alcohol was conducive to his flashbacks. Not that the song was helping much…

When every boat has sailed away
And every path is marked and paved,
When every road has had its say
Then, I'll be bringing you back home
To stay.

I have the cards you sent to me
You wrote of trains and Paris galleries.
This spring you'll draw canals
And frescoed walls.
Look how far your dreaming's gone.

When every town looks just the same,
When every choice gets hard to make
When every map is put away,
Then I'll be bringing you back home
To stay.

And now, I know why you had to go alone.
Isn't there a place between?

She knocked on his open office door. "Come." He answered, his nose still stuck in the mounds of paperwork that lined his desk.

"Is this a bad time, sir?"

He looked up. "No. Come on in."

She nodded. "Thank you, sir."

"What can I do for you?"

She took a deep breath. "I just wanted to tell you…I made my decision…"

"Really?" He asked, as he looked at her left hand. Sure enough, there was an added sparkle coming from her ring finger. He recognized the ring easily as he had memorized it. After all, his dreams at night consisted of her handing him the ring, almost in offering of what she might have been willing to give up just for the reassurance that he still felt the same for her.

But that was just it…he didn't feel the same way about her at all…he loved her more now than he had as Jonah or when they were staring at that…zanex detector.

"Congratulations. I hope you and Pete are happy together."

She took another deep breath, almost as if this was difficult for her to do. "Thank you. I'm sure we will be."

Her words came out in the form of a statement, but her body language informed him that she was indeed asking a question.

"Yes, Colonel, I'm sure you will be."

When every boat has sailed away,
And every path is marked and paved,
When every road has had its say,
Then, I'll be bringing you back to home
To stay.

"Sam's getting married." Daniel said, just minutes after Sam had left his office.

"I know. Good for her."

"Well, aren't you going to do something about it?"

"No, Daniel, I'm not. She deserves to be happy."

"But she's not…"

"Daniel, are you Sam?"

"No, of course not."

"Then howdo you know whether or not she's happy?"

"I just meant…haven't you been able to see? I mean, she was jittery for two weeks, and now…she's wearing a ring, but not a smile…this just doesn't add up…"

"Daniel, give it up, okay? Psychology just isn't your thing."

"And you're touchy, so I suspect she talked to you before she said yes…"

"DANIEL!" He barked.

Daniel's eyebrows raised in understanding as he nodded. "Right…I was just on my way. SG-13's fabulous find…right."

The brown-haired archaeologist began to leave before he turned. "You know, she just wanted you to tell her your feelings for her…"

"OUT!"

Reach out to me,
Call out my name,
And I will bring you back again
Today.

There was a pen on the small table next to the couch that held a table lamp. He had a piece of paper somewhere around here, he thought, getting up from the couch and trying to search high and low the elusive paper. He finally picked up the receipt from one of his purchases a LONG time ago, and shrugged. He started to write. He would probably never send this to Sam, but…he needed to get it down somewhere anyway. He wasn't going to just loll around, aimlessly, waiting for her to dump Pete. After all, that day might never come.