Norman

Disclaimer – I don't own it, I never did, it's just on loan.

FB Kick Start The Muse Challenge - To contain words North, Green, Gnome, Lamp, 1000 words by Sunday, and no Smut.

- o0o -

Peter Boyd sat at a corner table in the Admiral Nelson public house, swaying from side to side, and unable to focus on anything after the copious amounts of alcohol he'd consumed. It started out as leaving drinks, and had now turned into something completely different.

Spencer stood at the bar with Eve, ordering more drinks, looking at their now, former boss, and sniggering at him as he tried to stay upright.

Grace had been the wise one, she'd gone home before it got messy, and it had got very messy, Boyd had a kind of green tinge to him, and they were sure he was going to throw up, but so far his stomach contents had managed to stay on the inside.

They were now at the fifth pub of the evening, and despite trying to get Boyd to go home, he had insisted he was still young enough to keep up with them, so as they staggered from pub to pub, and acted like overgrown children, he was with them every step of the way.

All of a sudden he stood up, he put his hand up to Spence and Eve and started to walk away. They immediately went over to him, knowing full well he was in no state to go any where alone.

"Hey boss, where you going?" Spence asked him.

"Need to go!" he replied slurring his words.

"Whoa whoa, you can't go any where like this, wait for us and we'll get a taxi together okay?"

"Nope." He replied shaking his head, "Need to go now."

"You wanna go home?"

"Nope, need to see her!"

"See who?" He asked him.

"Need to ask her."

"Need to ask who, what?"

This time he walked away, Spence and Eve left their drinks and followed him out of the door.

"Oops, forgot him." He said, pointing at and then picking up his new acquaintance from the table and putting him under his arm.

Spence flagged down a taxi, and they all three got in, he gave them Boyd's address, but Boyd corrected him, "No, need to see her, need to ask her." He said, his sentences disjointed and lacking detail.

"Where to?" Spence again asked him.

"North Spence, we need to go North." Spence and Eve again looked at each other and laughed.

"What address guv?" The taxi driver asked.

"Take us North, Mr taxi driver."

The taxi moved off, and headed towards the address Spence had eventually given him.

Pulling into a quiet close of semi detached houses, he stopped at the third house in, and Boyd got out, or rather fell out of the taxi. He laughed at himself, unable to get up again until Spence and Eve physically lifted him to his feet.

"Sorry Norman." He said, rubbing his hand on the head of his new best friend, and then laughing again.

He straightened himself up and walked up the path, stopping halfway along, and looking up at the darkened windows, no lights were on.

"Grace!" He shouted, in a kind of drunken whisper, "Grace?" he repeated again, by this time the taxi had gone, and Spence and Eve remained in hysterics at the end of the garden path, all of a sudden the security lamp illuminated the garden, and a bedroom light came on upstairs.

Grace looked out from behind her bedroom curtain, and could see her former colleagues outside her house, and Boyd standing on her path with a strange looking object under his arm. She opened the window. "What do you want? It's 2am."

Boyd stood up straight and took a deep breath before continuing.

"Oh, my Love, My darling, I've hungered for your touch."

As he began to sing, Spence, Eve, and Grace fell silent, mouths hung open, and then, once again Eve and Spence started to laugh, uncontrollably this time. Spence was doubled over and Eve was laughing so hard she couldn't breathe.

Grace closed the window and disappeared before reappearing a few moments later at her front door, as she did so Boyd had reached the second verse, "Boyd shut up."

"Needed to ask you something Grace, needed to see you." He replied still unable to string his sentences together and almost falling over despite the fact that he wasn't moving.

"Well could you come inside and do it quietly please?"

Boyd stepped inside, and Grace called to Spence and Eve to come in too.

"Why have you got that under your arm?"

"Ah, this is Norman, and I got him for you, because the shops are closed." He said, his words only just recognizable.

Grace looked at Spence and Eve, "What the hell is he talking about? And why has he got that thing with him."

They looked at each other and smirked, before replying. "He stole it from someone's garden" Eve said trying to keep a straight face.

"Just take him, and that, home will you." She replied sternly.

"Nope Gracie, I need to ask you something very impor... very impat... I need to ask you something serious." He dropped down onto one knee and held Norman out in front of him, "Will you marry me foctor Doley?" He eventually said.

"You're drunk Boyd, and you're not in control, obviously."

"I maybe drunk, but tomorrow I will be sober, eventually, and you will still be the most beautiful woman in the world, and I want to marry you."

- o0o -

Grace woke the next morning to feel something cold and hard in bed next to her, and a groaning Boyd lying the other side of it.

He opened one eye, and looked at her, "Grace, why is there a gnome in our bed?"

"Because you insisted on bringing him to bed, as he was my engagement present, in lieu of a ring."

Boyd opened both eyes and sat up sharply in bed, something he regretted instantly. As he ran to the bathroom, Grace smiled smugly to herself and settled back down to sleep.