PREFACE

I could hear my mother calling out frantically, "Alexandra Grace, Alexandra Grace!", as I walked through the crowded halls with rooms holding the sick and injured. I was in one of them not to long ago. They were very bare. White walls, tile floors, uncomfortable beds, and no windows to free you. I couldn't bear to see them anymore or hear strange people tell me everything was gonna be all right. Not when my mind was shouting out things of the exact opposite. Not when I was still half in complete shock. Not even when my mother held me under her right arm and told me to let it all out. And especially not when my sister wasn't there anymore to be under the left.

It was Halloween night when me and my sister, Beth, got in an accident. I had always liked Halloween. It was like getting to let your imagination run wild and be a different person for one night a year. That year I was dressed as a black cat. I wore a short short dress, black pumps, kitty ears, a cat tail, and drawn on cat whiskers with dark eye makeup. You see, Beth was little red riding hood with a long red cloak that trailed behind her in a glorious wave and a short red shimmery dress. I was going to be little red riding hood originally, but I really wanted to be a cat. Me and Beth had a fight about it. I ended up winning as always and Beth finally agreed that she shouldn't care what she was. So there we stood in our neighborhood, hunting for good houses. Across the street was the scary walk through run by Mr. Jim. "Hey, Beth, let's go to Mr. Jim's," I told her, pointing to the house decorated with scary figures and props. She thought about it for a moment. "Sure. I could use some scare right now. After all it is Halloween," She said as she winked at me and flashed a bright smile only Beth could produce. As we walked across the street there was a car coming. We would make it past the car before it drove by. We strutted fast across the street, our heeled feet in sync. The big car passed behind us. That's when Beth's cloak got caught under the tire.

When someone close to you dies the first feeling is shock. Then denial. Then realization and more shock. Then you cry at every minute of the funeral. Your pretty sad after that. Everyone expects your going to need sympathy for the rest of your life. The truth is, you get over it. Other people become goth or emo or depressed when someone you love dies. Me? I was the exact opposite. I became the most popular girl in school. Before, it was always Beth who was asked to come with everybody to go out and I was the little sister who was forced to follow along. Now I trade boyfriends like hugs and friends come like bees to a flower. I hear they have a list in the guys room of all of them that I have dated. Of course, the list is pretty long. My three best friends are Melody and Jacqueline and Osaka. Melody has long blond hair that is almost white. Her eyes are the same color as Beth's were; bright blue. Jacqueline has chin length red hair that is sharp and brings out her cheekbones; a feature Beth carried. Osaka isn't Asian at all. Her hair is black and wavy. Beth's hair was wavy too. All these features were just a coincidence though. Obviously.

Life's great, but are there secrets hidden under self-hate?

No.