Severus walked outside the perimeter of Granger's house. It was a task that he hated with a vengeance and made no attempts to hide. He would rather be working on the new variation of the dreamless sleep potion that he had been working on to try and get some sleep. He had developed a tolerance to the older version, so it did nothing to cure his endless sleepless nights now. He kicked a pebble into the road satisfied by how far he managed to send it flying in his annoyance. There was nothing here. There never was, the Dark Lord was focusing on increasing his power right now and couldn't give a fuck about the brat.
When he had told the headmaster this, all he had said was that the Dark Lord wasn't the only threat to the girl. Fool. Who else would risk Azkaban just to make the girl suffer? The thing was that no one really cared about the girl. Except Albus and the Dark Lord, but they were both senile, so that didn't really count.
He paced back and forth agitatedly in the darkness. There wasn't even any unsuspecting passerby's to terrify. He hated being alone with too much time to think. It was one of the reasons he hated to sleep and always kept busy. There was no rest for the wicked, and he had definitely done some wicked things in his lifetime. The soulless eyes of the many innocents he had killed mercilessly to please the Dark Lord, and avoid his own death flashed before his eyes. He took a shuddering breath and tried to force the haunting images away uselessly. He was an excellent occlumens, but his guilt was stronger than he was. He collapsed down in a bench facing Granger's street and let his head fall in his hands.
When Albus had asked him to accept the Dark Lord's offer and spy for him, he had never thought the war would still be going on years later, and his life would still be in shambles. He had never had the opportunity to live, every moment, of every waking day had been for the higher good. The only thing he ever did for himself was entertain himself with the infrequent visits from Tave, his playtoy. He looked up into the darkness and sighed wishing he would just throw the rules out and do what he wanted for once instead of doing the right thing.
His late night musings were interrupted when the front door to the girl's house opened, and a shadowy figure came sneaking out. He frowned at the foolish girl who started walking towards him, completely unaware of his presence since the street light above him was out. Why would she be going out of the safety of her home at this time of night? For all she knew, he could be here on the Dark lord's orders and not Albus's. He watched her since he had nothing better to do. She stopped at the bridge that separated the two of them and looked over at the small stream lost in thought.
She had grown up, that was for sure. She had the curves and swing in her step of an adult instead of the child that he was used to seeing. Her long brown hair fell in soft waves around her face obscuring her not so rounded features from his view. She glanced up at him seeming to sense his gaze and smiled straight at him. There was no way she should be able to see him right now, but she knew that he was there nonetheless.
"Good evening Professor." She said amusedly. He stood and walked the short distance to her and stood beside her looking over the rushing stream.
"How did you know I was there?" He asked curiously, noticing how dim her honey brown eyes were. She snorted at him softly, something that he found uncharacteristic of the normally uptight girl.
"If I gave everyone my secrets, there wouldn't be any left. Surely you know I'm smarter than that professor." She said looking down at the stream still seeming lost in her thoughts. He nodded not pushing it any further. For some insane reason he didn't want to make her mad and have her leave. He tried to convince himself it was just because he didn't want to be left alone to his thoughts, but he knew it had more to do with curiosity than anything. She seemed so different than he was used to. Was he just that blind, or was she different?
"Very well. In that case do you want to tell me why you're out here in the middle of night by yourself?" He asked feeling like lecturing the impertinent girl. She shrugged and glanced up at him as if surprised by the question.
"I don't know, I suppose the night time is just too long for me. I need to get out sometimes." She said in a way that made him suspect she was only grazing the surface of the real reason she was out here.
"You could be killed. What if I was a death eater for instance." He said annoyed by how lightly she took her own safety.
"You ARE a death eater Sir...and yet I'm still fine, aren't i?" She said pointedly. He glared at her and she smiled up at him, the dark aura around her seeming to lighten slightly and her eyes shining in the dark.
"Yes, but what if I was a loyal death eater you foolish girl? You would be dead." He insisted waving his arm exasperatedly at her flippiance.
"Then I would have to kill you I suppose...so I guess what we really should be focusing on is how lucky it is for you that I know you're not a loyal death eater to Voldemort." She said slowly grinning at his anger.
"Don't say his name." He demanded coldly. She took a bold step forward and looked up at him without any fear.
"Or what, you'll deduct house points? I'm sorry, you don't scare me Professor." She said not realizing what effect her close proximity had on him. He gulped and found that while she wasn't afraid of him, he was surely afraid of her. The cold hearted death eater took a step back to try and stop the strange feelings being close to her gave him.
"Yes, well, you should go back inside." He said changing the subject. She turned back to the stream and sighed.
"Yes, I suppose you're right." She said, her smile faltering a bit. He reached forward and brushed soft tendril of hair out of her face as if it was the most natural thing in the world to do. She looked up shocked and he made sure his cold indifferent mask was back up. He couldn't be doing this. He was feeling reckless because of the state of things in the war. He couldn't hurt another innocent life. Especially not hers.
"Good night." He said taking another step back before he did anything else that was even more stupid like kiss her soft lips. She gave him a tired smile and turned away.
"Sweet dreams Professor." She said softly.
"Sweet dreams to you to." He mumbled knowing she couldn't hear him. He watched her walk away, taking her unexplainable light with her, leaving him in darkness that somehow seemed darker than it had before she had come out.
He was losing it. He couldn't be drawn to a student, that was the worst possible scenario. He had spent so long not feeling anything that when his heart seemed to quicken at her very presence, he was shocked. He just lusted after her, that was all. That was what he was trying to tell himself anyways.
He grabbed his arm, hissing in pain when his master called him. The pain shook him out of his trance and he sent off a quick patronus to Albus and spun away to a night full of pain.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~oOo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hermione spent the day lost in her books that she had brought to her house. She had already read all of the book for her year, so she was reading about animal transformations. She knew it was illegal to do by herself, but that wasn't going to stop her from trying. She was the cleverest witch of her age, and sometimes it was more clever to break a rule, than keep it. She had little trouble keeping out of her father's way since he rarely ventured from the living room since he had trouble walking, but when he needed water he would come in the kitchen where she was and glare at the multitude of books.
"You know, you could speak to me instead of drowning yourself in books." He snapped irritatedly, She didn't even glance up at his unkempt face and tried to ignore his presence in the room.
"You can't hate me forever. One day you will come to your senses, but I will be dead by then, won't I"? He said without holding back the bitterness in his tone.
"You're delusional if you think I just have to come to my senses to get over what you did. It's not a get over type of thing," She said back with just as icy of a voice. He snorted at this and slammed her book shut almost hitting her nose in the process. She glared at him hating the very breath he breathed next to her.
"You sit here and judge me, but you're just as responsible for your mother's death." He said harshly. She gave him an unbelieving look.
"What part was my fault, the part where you drank and drove with her in the car, or the part where you were too drunk to call 911, which could have saved her life." She asked, his voice rising in pitch at the accusation.
"You could have healed her with your magic, but you didn't even try. You were worried about getting kicked out of your precious school." He retorted. She jumped up and grabbed her book off the table and looked him straight in the eyes.
"She was already dead when I got there. There was nothing I could do." She said letting every once of her hatred for the man roll of her in waves that he must of felt, because he took a step back. She turned to leave, but he spoke up just as she got to the kitchen door.
"You're lying. I know you are. That evil man came back from the dead. Your people can do it, you are just too weak to actually do what it takes." He said sounding bitter, and yet also a little bit of longing crept into his voice. She left the room before she could give into the heartache that she know he felt and show him sympathy. He didn't deserve her forgiveness, but it was hard not to give when she knew he regretted what he did so much.
When she got up to her room there was a bird waiting on the outside of her window seal that she didn't recognize. It was a black falcon that flew around gracefully when she left it in and landed carefully on her white bed before turning to look at her. It waited patiently for her to remove the small box attached to its leg and she grabbed some of the treats she gave Hedwig when it come over. It sang in pleasure and ate the treats while she unwrapped the black box.
A potion fell out, along with a note written in a familiar scrawl that she never saw on her holidays.
The sight of you under the midnight sky
Is so bright, the light burns my eyes
Sleep now or In the morning; you will wake
Breathless from running through my mind all night
S.
She grinned at his attempts to be sweet, and anonymous at the same time. He failed spectacularly at being anonymous, but sweet, he did that very well. She couldn't imagine why on earth he would be obviously flirting with her. Sure they had shared a moment on the bridge, but he was so straight laced and didn't seem the type to color outside the lines. Flirting with a student was about as coloring outside the line as you could get. Actually that was more like dumping the lines in a gallon of gasoline and catching it on fire.
She grabbed a muggle pen from her desk and a piece of paper and scrawled out her reply to him.
Thank you for the potion. I have a very efficient Potions master who taught me to never drink anything from someone I don't know. It would be plain foolish to drink the potion…
Expect me to be knocked out tonight, so I regrettably won't be able to be running through your thoughts…
H.
She tied the note to the waiting falcon who nipped her finger gently in thanks for the treats.
"Take this to your master for me and bite him for me, will you?" She asked teasingly. He tilted his head to the side as if he understood and took off out the open window. She shook her head and plopped down on her bed tiredly. She should sleep, but she knew as soon as she did that, the memories of the last summer would come rushing back at her.
She would never forget the unsettled feeling she had when she heard the sirens in her neighborhood. It was intuition maybe, but she started walking towards the sound despite the late hour of night. The scene of her parents crash was surrounded by fire trucks and ambulances before she could get there, and her heart was crushed when she saw them pulling her mom out.
She cried out and tried to run to her mom, but she reached out to nothingness feeling the scene fade away from her. Her eyes shot open and the big black bird fell off her chest, fluttering when it hit the floor unceremoniously.
"I'm sorry." She said flustered at the bird who flew onto her night stand with annoyance.
It was dark outside her window already, but she still felt like it had only been a few minutes since her not so secret admirer had written to her. She untied the letter to see his familiar scrawl on the small letter and couldn't help a flutter of excitement she had knowing he had thought not just to make her the potion, but to respond to her.
I'm glad you have a decent potions professor who taught you not to drink potions from unknown sources. I am unsurprised that you decided to take it anyways since you have Potter and Weasley as friends. I am trying to make a new dreamless sleep potion that will work without Nettle in it.
Suggestions are welcome
S.
She grinned at his sudden change from poetry to cold and formal as always. He was a puzzle that she was sure would entertain her mind for eons to come. She penned out her reply and tied it to Falcon (she decided to name him this since it just fit the proud bird). She grabbed the dreamless sleep potion and took it, hoping she would get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep without being haunted by bad memories.
She wanted to move forward, but she knew she couldn't do so in this house. She would have to go to Grimwauld place, or she would just stay as depressed as she had been since the accident. Her last thoughts before falling asleep was of her silly response to her professor and wondering what his reaction would be.
I'm taking your dreamless sleep potion now
Is it poisoned? I guess I will know now
If I should die before I wake
I pray to you, anybody but voldy, my soul will take
H.
ps.- Jasmine is excellent for helping you sleep.
