D.S.: Hey y'allz! I'm back and with a vengeance! A long time ago, I got a review on my Gundam Wing Voice Messages fanfic that said I should write a Fullmetal Alchemist version of that fic. (Review written by lil dragon blue) I, at that time knew and like Fullmetal, but I didn't know enough so I really didn't realize how much I could do with that idea. So, I wrote lil dragon blue just today and said that I realize now that the idea they had was in fact a great one and that I apologize that I had forgotten about the whole thing, I have a very bad memory!
Ed: You talk too much…wait… SO NOW THAT YOU'RE ALL DONE TORTURING THOSE GUNDAM PILOTS SO NOW WE ARE YOUR NEXT VICTIMS! I'M GOING TO STOP THIS!
D.S.: So? Do you want to make something of it, because I have the power to turn this fic into a yaoi fic of passionate love, lust, and betrayal between you and said Colonel…Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist…Hmmmm? (Won't let Ed know that she in fact, despises yaoi fics and wish they would burn in hell for destroying her favorite American Gundam Wing bishie, aka Duo Maxwell!)
Ed: …..WHAT THE HELL!
D.S.: Nuhuhuhhhhh…. (Waves her finger mockingly)
Ed: (suddenly feels that terrible indescribable feeling of love…for a man!) NO! I GIVE! I'LL BE GOOD! I PROMISE, NOW MAKE IT STOOOOPPPPP! PLEASE!
D.S.: (stops Ed's yaoi torture) Jeesh, so easy to manipulate.
Al: Brother! What is happening!
Ed: …D.S. is taking over the world…Al…quickly…nigete! (Translates to "run!" in Japanese)
D.S.: Well, on with the show! I'M BACK BABY!
Ed and Al's Voice Mails
Edward Elric's Voice Mail:
Ed: Hey, you've reached Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist, for all those wondering right now, I am not short and if you think I am, you might reconsider the idea that you don't have a death wish. I'm not here right now, so if you leave a message I will get back to you as soon as if you are calling…GO TO HELL AND PLAY POKER WITH SATAN FOR ALL OF ETERNITY AND LEAVE ME THE !$ ALONE YOU SON OF A BITCH!
Beep! You have 2 new messages! First message, sent yesterday, at 4:58 pm.
Roy: Well, I feel special that you gave me that inspiring advice, but I have a couple things to say small fry; first, I, unlike you, am not the main ingredient of a shrimp cocktail; second, I, once again, unlike you, have a girlfriend and can also STEAL another one from Havoc anytime I wish and dock his paycheck at the same time, so if you ask me, midget, I'm better than you all around. You know what they say, short men…short-
Beep! Your message has been deleted! (CRASH) (BAM) (CRUNCH) (CRUNCH) (BLAM) (BLAM) (BLAM) (BLAM) (BLAM) (BLAM) (BLAM) (BLAM) (BLAM)
Sadly, Ed never got to hear the second message that was sent by Doctor Marcoh expressing the fact that he discovered a complete Philosopher's Stone that he was willing to let him and Al use to get their bodies back…too bad.
Alphonse Elric's Voice Mail:
Hi, you've reached the Kitty Protection Program, the proprietor is currently away saving all of the cold, hungry, kitties of the world right now, so you can leave a message after the beep or you can contact the Resembool office at (455) 555-6753. Thank you so much, KITTIES OF THE WORLD UNITE AGAINST THE EVIL OF MY BIG BROTHER FOR NOT LETTING ME KEEP YOU! RAWR!
Beep! You have 1 new message! First message, sent today, at 2:32 pm.
Ed: …..Al, why is your message machine for the "Kitty Protection Program"? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY RESEMBOOL OFFICE! AL I'M GOING TO MURDER YOU ONCE I FIND OUT WHERE YOU ARE! I'LL MAKE SURE THAT I TAKE OFF THAT BLOOD SEAL NIIIIICCCEEEE AND SLOOOOOOWWWWWWW! GOT MEEEEEE!
Beep! You have no more messages! Have a nice day! Goodbye!
D.S.: Well, how did you like it? I hope that you will review because I have low self esteem issues and need to know that I'm loved. (Sniff) I will not continue this until I get at least 5 reviews! So GET REVIEWING! Thank you! Bye bye!
(The sounds of a metal arm scratching at armor in the background along with mass amounts of screaming)
