Gee, Officer Tiny
I, Mutitoon90, do not have the rights to the characters (from 'Crash Bandicoot' and 'Jak and Daxter' games) or the song (from 'West Side Story'); I just remade the song for entertainment purposes only. With that
taken care of, enjoy.
Crunch, imitating Tiny:
Hey you!
Crash:
Who me, Officer Tiny?
Crunch, imitating Tiny:
Yeah you, gimme one good reason for not draggin' ya down the station house, ya punk!
Crash:
Dear kindly Sergeant Tiny, you gotta understand;
It's just our bringin' upin' that gets us out of hand.
Our mothers all are junkies; our fathers all are drunks!
Golly Moses, naturally we're punks!
Dogs:
Gee, Officer Tiny, we're very upset;
We never had the love that every child oughta get.
We ain't no delinquents; we're misunderstood.
Deep down inside us there is good.
Crash:
There is good!
Dogs:
There is good, there is good, there is untapped good, like inside, the worst of us is good!
Crunch, imitating Tiny:
That's a touching good story.
Crash:
Lemme tell it to the world!
Crunch, imitating Tiny:
Just tell it to the judge
Crash:
Dear kindly Judge, your Honor, my parents treat me rough
With all their marijuana. They won't give me a puff;
They didn't wanna have me, but somehow I was had.
Leapin' lizards, that's why I'm so bad!
Daxter, imitating judge:
Right! Officer Tiny, you're really a square!
This boy don't need a judge. He needs an analyst's care;
It's just his neurosis that oughta be curbed.
He's psychologically disturbed.
Crash:
I'm disturbed!
Dogs:
We're disturbed, we're disturbed, we're the most disturbed, like we're psychologically disturbed!
Daxter, imitating judge:
Hear ye, hear ye. In the opinion of this court, this child is depraved on account he ain't had a normal home.
Crash:
Hey, I'm depraved on account I'm deprived!
Daxter, imitating judge:
So take him to a headshrinker. You!
Tess:
Who me?
Crash:
My daddy beats my mommy; my mommy clubbers me;
My grandpa is a commie; my grandma pushes tea;
My sister wears a moustache; my brother wears a dress.
Goodness gracious, that's why I'm a mess!
Tess, imitating headshrinker:
Yes, Officer Tiny, he shouldn't be here.
This boy don't need a couch; he needs a usefully career.
Society's played him a terrible trick,
And sociologically he's sick.
Crash:
I am sick!
Dogs:
We are sick, we are sick, we are sick, sick, sick, like we're sociologically sick!
Tess, imitating headshrinker:
In my opinion, this child does not need to have his head shrunk at all. Juvenile delinquency is purely a social disease.
Crash:
Hey, I got a social disease!
Tess, imitating headshrinker:
So take him to a social worker.
Crash:
Dear kindly social worker, they tell me get a job,
Like be a soda jerker, which means I'd be a slob!
It's not I'm antisocial; I'm only anti-work!
Glory Osky, that's why I'm a jerk.
Keira, imitating social worker:
Eek, Officer Tiny, you've done it again!
This boy don't need a job; he needs a year in the pen!
It ain't just a question of misunderstood;
Deep down inside he's no good!
Crash:
I'm no good!
Dogs:
We're no good, we're no good, we're no earthly good, like the best of us is no damn good!
Pecker:
The trouble is he's lazy.
Coco:
The trouble is he drinks.
Daxter:
The trouble is he's crazy.
Keira:
The trouble is he stinks.
Jak:
The trouble is he's growing.
Tess:
The trouble is he's grown.
Dogs:
Tiny, we've got troubles of our own!
Officer Tiny, we're down on our knees!
Crash:
'Cause no one wants a fella with a social disease!
Dogs:
Dear Officer Tiny, what are we to do?
Gee, Officer Tiny, screw you!
