Author's Note: Hey guys... Because I've been having a progressively awful week, a tragic event just had to happen today. So in light of that, there were some things that just needed to be said. Since writing is the best way I can express myself. Needless to say, this isn't my usual humor piece, since I'm not really feeling up to humor today...
Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII, but I'm getting the game Crisis Core!
Lost
"...but I let you die." ~ Cloud Strife
"So... you're SOLDIER, huh?"
Cloud glanced over at the ShinRa Infantryman sitting in the dirt beside him. More soldiers dotted the walls deeper into the cave, fading away into the darkness. Even with his enhanced sight, he could only see so far before everything became black.
"Yeah," he nodded, shifting his sword in his grip. Somewhere down at the other end of the tunnel, a monster roared.
"That's neat," the trooper said, a hint of envy in his voice. "I wish I could join."
The blond looked the cadet up and down. He was small; possibly smaller than Cloud. The standard issue uniform seemed to hang off his narrow frame and the scarf around his neck swallowed the lower half of his face. His eyes were hidden by the helmet he wore, masking his identity. The way he hugged his gun to his chest reminded the Third of a child with a stuffed toy.
"It takes a lot of work," he said, "and you have to really want it."
The cadet pulled his knees up. "It's always been my dream to join SOLDIER," he admitted. "When I was still at home, I used to follow the events of the Wutai War."
"Where are you from?"
"Rocket Town, sir."
"I'm from Nibelheim," Cloud replied, honestly surprised at how close the boy had lived.
From the way his posture straightened, the cadet seemed pleased to hear this. "Did you hear about the war then, too?"
The blond nodded. "Yeah. I had a collection of newspaper clippings about it that I would always read before bed."
"I used to tell my siblings that I was going to be a hero when I grew up," the trooper said. "But none of them ever believed me. They said I was too small and scrawny to make anything of myself. When I finally told my parents, they just laughed. So I... ran away."
Surprised, Cloud blinked. Sure, no one had taken him seriously either, but his mother eventually gave him her blessing and sent him off to Midgar with a sandwich and her love. "Have you heard from them?"
He shook his head. "No, sir. Sometimes I hope I'll get stationed in Rocket Town just so I can see my family again, but I can't go back just as an infantryman. I said I was going to make SOLDIER, and I'm going to do it."
"Well, running away probably wasn't the best choice you could have made," Cloud started, "but I'm not really one to judge you. All I can say is, if making SOLDIER is what you want, then you should follow your dream. Because you only get one chance at life, and you should make the most of it."
"Mm." The cadet nodded. "Um... sir? Have you...? Have you ever met General Sephiroth?"
Cloud smiled slightly at the mention of the general. Everyone really did want to know about him. "Yeah. Yeah I have."
"Is he... really like the rumors say?"
Leaning his head against the wall, the blond sighed. Was the Sephiroth he knew like the one in the stories and newspapers? Genesis would say the reporters and witness exaggerated greatly, and that the Silver Demon of Wutai was nothing more than an over-glorified heroic persona the media had slapped on the general. And perhaps Genesis was right. Sephiroth truly was an amazing warrior, but speaking to him sometimes was like talking with a child. He didn't desire strength or fame; he simply wanted to understand how the rest of a world he didn't know worked.
"He's much, much more than the rumors say," Cloud finally decided. "And it's been an honor to make his acquaintance."
"I want to be just like him," the cadet said wistfully, then chuckled nervously. "Sorry, sir... I'm just being stupid now."
The Third shrugged. "I think we'd have less problems all around if SOLDIERs and Infantrymen listened to each other from time to time. Besides, I used to be just like you, and look where I got."
The trooper wiggled in place a bit. "I suppose you're right, sir..."
"What's your name?"
"Storm, sir," he replied. "Storm Fairbanks."
Mentally, Cloud arched an eyebrow. Storm Fairbanks? "Cloud Strife," he said, offering his hand.
They shook.
"It's very nice to meet you, sir," Storm obviously smiled. "I've never gotten to meet a real SOLDIER before."
Cloud returned the smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you as well." Another roar, this time closer, echoed through the cave. "I just wish it didn't have to be under these circumstances."
He jumped to his feet when a group of troopers came scrambling into view, clothes shredded and panting.
"Your leader?" he demanded.
One of the men shook his head. "Gone," he gasped. "Those monsters aren't giving us any mercy."
Cloud lifted his sword and waved his own troops to his feet. "Let's move," he barked. "Everyone, stay close and don't take any chances."
From the moment Genesis looked up to see his student stagger into his office, he knew something was wrong. Cloud's face was eerily blank, movements stiff and eyes glazed over as if he were hypnotized. He was by the boy's side in an instant, sitting him down on the edge of the desk.
"Cloud?" he asked, urgent searching lifeless blue eyes. "Cloud, are you alright?"
Upon receiving no response, he shook the boy's shoulder. It became beyond obvious the Third was in shock, making Genesis all the more worried.
"Hey, talk to me. What's wrong?"
A tear leaked down his face. "He... he..."
"'He' who?"
Without prompting, the blond burst out crying. "H-he's g-gone!" he wailed, covering his eyes with one hand. "He's g-gone a-and it's a-all m-my fault!"
It didn't look like Cloud was going to quiet any time soon, so Genesis hugged him and waited for him to settle. After a lot of sniffles, gasping and unintelligible nonsense from the blond, his sobs finally subsided to shivers and shaky breathing. Pulling away, Cloud wiped his nose and inhaled deeply.
"Now," the redhead said, running a hand through his blond spikes, "can you tell me what happened?"
"He-he's dead, Genesis." Cloud's big, wet eyes blinked up at him. "I only just met him, and h-he died. I let him die!"
Genesis sighed, shutting his eyes. This was something seen all too frequently within the military. One never knew when they were going to die. And there was no way to teach a person how to deal with the death of a comrade, no class that could prepare one for facing it. One simply had to experience it.
"Cloud, when you're out on a mission, you have to understand there will be casualties," he said sternly, putting his hands on the blond's shoulders. "It's just part of being in SOLDIER. And there's nothing you can do about it."
"B-but, if I just-"
"Did you take your sword and drive it through his heart?" Genesis interrupted.
"Wh-what? No!"
"Then it's not your fault," he said. "Unless you hire an assassin to kill someone or take their life yourself, it isn't your fault. Some things are completely unavoidable. And if you blame yourself every time someone close to you dies, you're going to be miserable and unhappy for the rest of your life."
Slowly, Cloud nodded. "I just... I can't help feeling responsible, y-you know? He-he said it was his dream to make SOLDIER, an-and I told him he should follow his dream... and... and then, the monsters came, and he just... just..."
"I hate to tell you this," Genesis exhaled, "but you really shouldn't try to make friends because you may or may not see them ever again. Death is a necessary part of life, unfortunately, and our line of work is ripe with it."
The Third leaned forward again to embrace him. "I don't want you to die."
"I don't really want to die, either," he said honestly. "Death is one of the few things in life that scares the hell out of me. But know that I'll be fighting for every last breath, and even if I do... I'll no regrets. You've managed to make my existence seem a little more valid."
"He was just like me, Genesis," the blond whispered. "Tiny with absolutely no chance of ever actually making it, but wanted to try anyway. If you hadn't come along... if-if..."
"Hey, shh. It's alright. I know this is hard for you." It really would be hard for Cloud. The boy had the softest, most welcoming heart of anyone Genesis had ever met. "Take some time and try not to think about it too much. But you can talk with me any time you like."
Taking a noisy, snot-filled breath, Cloud nodded. "Thanks... I don't know what I would have done without you."
"You would have brooded over it for a while, but you would have eventually bounced back. Or, if you'd been in a particularly bad mood, you might commit suicide."
He smiled when the boy punched him in the gut and told him to shut up, accompanied by a chuckled. At least Cloud hadn't lost his sense of humor.
"Do you... know what his name was?"
"No, what was it?"
"Fairbanks. Storm Fairbanks."
No wonder Cloud was so distraught. That was much too close to home for comfort. Closing his eyes again, Genesis thought back to the first death he'd witnessed. The Wutain jungle was hot and sticky, and the bugs were beyond irritating. One of his troops had either gotten stung or poisoned by something, but it had caused him to swell up like a tick before he finally died. It had been the most horrific thing the redhead had ever seen, even more so for his seventeen-year-old self. There was nothing any of them could do, save for watch the poor man scream and writhe in pain.
Days he'd spent rerunning the events in his mind, desperately trying to think of a way they could have helped. Finally Angeal came to him and forced him to spill the whole story. Genesis had been in tears by the end of it. And to this day, nothing would ever top that first death in the redhead's mind.
But seeing Cloud so utterly lost... It just about killed him.
A/N: Sorry it had to end on such a sorrowful note, there. But seriously, it's extremely sad when someone you've only known for a short time passes on. I don't mean to be all angsty and whatnot, this is just something I feel I've overlooked a little bit in my writing. Yes, being in SOLDIER is all well and fun, but there's a price to pay for it.
Leave a review to make me smile!
RegenesisX