BUSES AND TRAINS
An Inuyasha one-shot sort of based on BUSES AND TRAINS by Bachelor Girl. What happens when Inuyasha and Kagome's arguing leads to an accident? And another one...and...so on...and...so forth...
BUSES AND TRAINS
"OOH! HE MAKES ME SO MAD!" Kagome screamed, not caring who (or what) heard. Really, only her three friends Shippo, Miroku and Sangou were listening to her yelling out curses at Inuyasha, who in turn was doing his best to ignore Kagome in the most arrogant way possible - by not listening to a word she was saying anymore.
"IF IT WEREN'T FOR HIS NEED TO FOLLOW KIKYO'S VOICE LIKE THAT, THEN WE WOULDN'T HAVE GONE ON THAT STUPID BOAT WHICH SANK!" Kagome was shouting, as they stood around in the park that day, trying to look as if they all came from this world (well, they were one fifth right).
"Yeah, and I wouldn't have lost half of my tail to that big fish with teeth." Shippo sniffed, glancing back at his usually bushy but now almost bare-looking cream brush tail.
"I believe," Miroku the lecher recited. "That the beautiful tour guide called it..."
"The shark." Sangou finished for him, glaring at him out of the corner of two beautiful eyes. "She called it the shark."
Miroku snickered. He liked that word. Shark.
"THE ONLY SHARK AROUND HERE IS INUYASHA!" Kagome screamed, glaring at the back of Inuyasha's baseball-cap-wearing head.
Inuyasha finally had enough. "I'VE HAD ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOUR COMPLAINING KAGOME!" He shouted, throwing up his hands to prove a point. "I'M LEAVING!" He began to stalk away.
"Wait!" Kagome cried, her panic overtaking her rage (for now) as she called out to him: "Where are you going, Inuyasha?"
"Home!" Inuyasha snapped back, therefore Inuyasha was going back down the wishing well to his own time. He stepped out onto the street. "So just leave me alone!" He added, as he walked across a busy road.
"INUYASHA!!!" Kagome, Miroku, Sangou and Shippo all screamed, as a bus ran Inuyasha over...
"Stupid me! Stupid me! Stupid me!" Kagome scolded herself over and over again, as she sat in the back-seat of an ambulance that was racing towards the hospital. Miroku was in the front seat, chatting up the female driver, and Sangou and Shippo were following in a taxi cab.
Kagome glanced down at Inuyasha, who was staring back up at her.
"Inuyasha, I..." Kagome murmured.
At the same time, Inuyasha muttered: "Kagome, I..."
"Oh, I'm sorry." The ambulance driver told Miroku. "I'm married."
"AAAUUURRRGGGHHH!!!" Miroku was screaming, which made the driver swerve the ambulance to the left in a panic.
Now they were all screaming, as the ambulance careened into a nearby cactus shop...
"Poor Kagome." Inuyasha crouched down beside a very prickly looking Kagome, and said again: "Poor Kagome."
Kagome glared at him from beneath a big tall cactus wearing a cowboy hat, and spat out a mouthful of cactus stickers as she said: "So how come you're not a human-demon porcupine?" She wanted to know, as she picked the spines out of her arms.
Inuyasha shrugged. "Well, I was thrown clear of the amberlance, and didn't get a scratch on me. Hey, did you know you're sitting on one of those spiky plant thingies?"
"GRR...INUYASHA!!!"
Yasha...
Yasha...
Yasha...
A low rumbling sound filled the air.
Inuyasha and Kagome looked at each other with dread in their eyes.
"Uh...oh..."
The cliff they were only suddenly collapsed, and they both fell.
"WHAT THE HELL IS A CACTUS SHOP DOING ON AN OVERHANG?!?!" Inuyasha yelled.
"I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THERE WAS AN OVERHANG IN TOKYO!!!" Kagome wailed, as they fell.
Luckily...or, unluckily...their fall was cushioned by a cactus plantation.
"So, now we know where they get all of their merchandise from." Inuyasha proclaimed, helping Kagome to her feet.
Aww, he IS a gentleman... Was her first thought, but...
"Did the mean scary human girl land on you?" Inuyasha asked the little tanuki in his arms.
"INUYASHA!!!"
"We've been walking for hours!" Kagome complained. "My feet are sore, and I'm thirsty! I heard you can get water from cacti, so why didn't we bring one or two with us!?!?" She was in an awfully grouchy mood today, for some reason.
"Good question!" Inuyasha snapped, turning around to face her as they trudged along a railway line. In front of him, the tanuki paused too, and turned slightly in question. His black ears pricked up.
Kagome drew in a breath. She'd heard it too...
"I've waited far too long to tell you just how annoying you can be, Kagome!" Inuyasha yelled, oblivious to his surroundings.
"Ah, Inuyasha..." Kagome said.
"Don't tell me to shut up Kagome, I'm just getting started!" Inuyasha cried, not even listening to her.
"Inuyasha..." Kagome tried again.
"Andanother thing..." Inuyasha was saying.
"Inuyasha!" Kagome was getting desperate.
"This is the final straw!" Inuyasha announced.
"INUYASHA!!!!!!!" Kagome screamed at the top of her lungs.
"WHAT!?!?!?!?" He yelled.
"Oh God..." Kagome whispered, as the train hit them at full force.
Inuyasha and Kagome opened their eyes at the same time, to find themselves hurtling along at breakneck speed. They were trapped on the front of a steam-train, on the cow-catcher of course.
They took one look at each other, and screamed for dear life.
"AAAAUUUURRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!"
"I WANT MY MUMMY!!!" Kagome yelled, thinking of her sweet Mother back at home.
"I WANT YOUR MUMMY TOO!" Inuyasha shouted, also in tears. "SHE MADE ME COOKIES LAST TIME WE WERE THERE!"
"NO!" Kagome shrieked. "SHE MADE ME COOKIES AND YOU STOLE THEM!"
"I DID NOT!"
"YOU DID TOO!"
"DID NOT!"
"DID TOO!"
"DID NOT DID NOT DID NOT!"
"DID TOO DID TOO DID TOO!"
"THAT'S IT KAGOME!"
"I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU INUYASHA!"
"FROM NOW ON...I'M GOING IT ALONE!" They both screamed.
"Yeah, I found these two young whipper-snippers caught on me cow-catcher." The train conductor told the man in the suit when they reached the next station.
"Ah...I think you mean whipper-snappers..." The man sweatdropped.
"Of course, just be sure they get some help..." The two men watched as Kagome and Inuyasha were dragged past, both of them were wearing straight-jackets.
"Yes, they'll be getting a lot of help where they're going..." The Suit bowed to the train driver, as Kagome and Inuyasha were thrown into the back of a Greylands van.
"Look, Mr. Uh...Inuyasha." The shrink was patient with his patient. "You just look at these pictures that I show you, and you tell me what you see in them, okay?"
Inuyasha rolled his eyes and sat back in his chair. "No, because I'm not the one who needs to be in here! Where's Kagome?"
The shrink ignored this question and held up the first picture. "Tell me sir, what do you see here?"
Inuyasha barely even glanced at it. "A fox, of course."
"Oops, sorry, that's my son's copy of The Animals Of Farthing Wood." The shrink put the book away and took out his cards. "Alright now, this one?"
"It still looks like a fox to me." Inuyasha replied. "A demon fox." He added, as an afterthought.
"Uh huh..." The shrink murmured, and wrote 'delusions of grandeur' on his clipboard.
"What are you writing?" Inuyasha asked him.
"N...nothing." The shrink lied, and held up the next card. "Well? What do you see here?"
"A contraception pill with a bo staff." Inuyasha drawled lazily.
The shrink nodded, and jotted down 'satyr-like tendencies' on his clipboard, before holding up the next card.
"A boomerang." Inuyasha said instantly.
'Possible relation to dangerous tribal Aborigines' was also noted on that clipboard, before the next card was held up. "Well?"
"The younger brother killed his older brother with the sword he inherited from his late Father."
'Sadistic envisions of maiming close family members'.
"And this one?" Another card was held up.
"The Sacred Shikkon Jewel before a certain somebody shattered it."
'Blames others for his mistakes'.
The final card...
Inuyasha took one look at it, and let out a strangled cry of: "AND THAT'SKAGOME!" Before leaping at the startled shrink.
"SECURITY!" He yelled.
"INUYASHA!!!" This time it wasn't only Kagome who was screaming at him, but Sangou as well. They were visiting with Inuyasha, whilst Miroku chatted to his shrink.
Kagome, who had been given the 'all clear' had to be restrained by Shippo from throttling Inuyasha, but no one was there to stop Sangou from whacking the tired demon-dog-boy over the head with her giant boomerang.
"YOU BAKA!" She shrieked, as the tanuki wandered lazily into the room and jumped up onto Kagome's lap, where it curled up for a short nap.
"Look, sir, I swear Inuyasha is not insane." Miroku was telling the shrink, who was shaking his head in disbelief, and putting iodine in the claw marks on both of his arms. "Sir, you have just got to believe me! Look, I admit Inuyasha may be a little crazy, but aren't we all?"
The shrink gave him a level look.
Miroku sighed. "Well, Inuyasha is not completely insane! So long as nobody mentions Kagome..."
The shrink sat bolt upright. "You mean there really is a Kagome? Good Lord..."
Miroku sweatdropped...
"Isn't it great, that Inuyasha got the all clear too?" Miroku asked them brightly, as they walked down the street later on that evening.
"Yeah, sure." Inuyasha had a bandage on his head.
"Just peachy." Kagome retrieved a stray cactus sticker from her neck.
"Absolutely hunky-dory." Sangou agreed, as she waited for her boomerang to come sailing back to her.
"Right on." Even Shippo looked annoyed, as he massaged his still-very-sore tail.
Miroku laughed, as Tanuki trotted along beside them.
"Well," Kagome spoke up, stopping everyone and turning to face an irritated Inuyasha. "Somebody still owes me an apology, after all!" She glared pointedly at Inuyasha, who let out the world's biggest sigh, and stared at the golden evening sky.
They waited.
"Alright!" Inuyasha finally cried out, throwing up his arms for the second time that day and glaring right back at Kagome. "Alright already! I'm sorry!"
"For?"
"Grr..." Inuyasha growled. "For...for everything's that's happened since we've been here! For chasing after Kikyo on a ship that ended up sinking, and for the fact that Shippo's tail got bitten by a 'the shark', and for getting hit by that bus, and that crazy lady driver, and the incident at the cactus shop, and the overhang that wasn't supposed to be there, and for not listening to you when you tried to warn me about the train, and for what happened at the hospital, and for throwing Sangou's boomerang into 'Tonight' and for everything else, okay!?!?"
Cricket...cricket...
Finally, Kagome smiled at Inuyasha for the first time in awhile. "I forgive you, Inuyasha. There, now, that's better, isn't it? We're not fighting anymore, and I...uh...hey, Inuyasha, what's wrong?"
Inuyasha was massaging his scalp. "Well," He said, glaring over at a smirking Sango. "How would one of you guys like it if you got hit over the head with a giant boomerang?"
That stopped Sangou's smirking for a minute. "Well, hey, I dunno. It's never happened to me before..."
WHOOSH!
CLUNK!
"Ha!" Inuyasha let out a bark of laughter, as Sangou fell flat on her face, and her giant boomerang clattered to the pavement beside her. She gasped when she saw it, and picked it up, smiling and hugging it to her chest. "Boomerang!" She cried. "You do always come back!"
"Sangou!" Inuyasha yelled. "Are you talking to your boomerang again!?!?"
Sangou raised it threateningly, and Inuyasha let out a yelp. Before anyone could stop him, he was out in the street.
"INUYASHA!!!" Everyone cried, as the 'Psycho Theme' sounded.
Inuyasha gasped.
"Da da da da..." The music played. "Da dum...da dum..."
Inuyasha simply took a single step backwards, and back onto the safety of the sidewalk, as a bus from the 'Tokyo Symphonic Orchestra' pulled up at the bus-stop, and a woman got out, still playing her cello as the bus drove away and she walked off down the street playing Jaws, and Shippo shivered.
"Ok...ay..." Kagome said, placing a hand on Inuyasha's shoulder as the sun went down. "We're close to my house, so let's just head for home now, okay then?"
They all nodded, and headed down the street. They all walked a few more blocks, until finally reaching Kagome's house, where her Mum was waiting for them.
"Ah Kagome, I thought you'd be bringing your friends home again, so I made extra chicken wings and rice for everyone." Kagome's Mum smiled at them all, and they all smiled back at her as Kagome hugged her Mum, whom she had missed terribly when she was back in Feudal Japan.
"That's really nice of you Ma'am, thank you." Inuyasha bowed to her.
"Ah, it's you again, Inuyasha." Kagome's Mum smiled over the top of her daughter's head at him. "How nice to see you back here so soon. And, for dessert, I made your favourite - Extra-Cocoa Double Chocolate Chip Cookie Indulgences!" She announced.
Inuyasha's eyes grew all sparkly, as he cried: "Oh wow!!!"
"I seem to recall..." Sangou tapped her chin. "That chocolate couldkill dogs, Inuyasha..."
Inuyasha gasped, and everyone laughed.
After all, our favourite demon is only a half dog...right???
I want to change the world, walk again never miss the way,
Don't be afraid I'm with you, and we can fly away,
If you can stay with me forever,
Change my mind, walk at last if your passion's true,
I'm gonna fly once again,
So you can spread your wings, and you will fly with me away,
It's wonderland...