Hi there! My name's Chocolatedream! I wrote this interview just to waste some time, it has no sense, but I liked it!
°°These are actions°°
CD: Chocolatedream speaks
Itachi: Itachi speaks
SQUEK is the sound of the hammer
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The scene: Theatre full of screaming fan girls, the lights turn off. Silence. When they turn on two mysterious figures are seen on the box. A girl is talking to a blond-haired man
"WTF? What happened to the lights? Is there someone who owns enough brain to remember that THE BUTTON OVER THERE IS TO SWITCH THE LIGHTS OFF AND THAT NONE IS ALLOWED TO PUSH IT?"
°°realizes to be seen by hundreds people°°
"Hi everyone! I'm Chocolatedream! Your loving interviewer!" °°shoves the blond man aside°°
"Well, today we're going to interview a Naruto character! I'd like to introduce you the interviewed" waves her hand "Let's say welcome to the Uchiha genius, Itachi, who is very very pleased to be here to answer our questions!"
The curtain opens to reveal a large box. There is a chair, and a boy is sitting on it. He's bound. And a huge hammer made of foam rubber hangs over his head.
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CD: Don't think bad, it's just to protect me from him, you know...°°giggles°°
The Uchiha clenches teeth.
CD: First I'm going to explain you the rules: I'm going to ask you a question. You'll have to answer. If you refuse to do this interview I'll just push this button °°shows a radio-control°° and the hammer over your head will hit you. It will hit you if you lie too. Got it?
Itachi nods
CD: Well... I assume we're ready. Let's begin with my interview!
°°Idiotic music plays for a while°°
CD: So, what's your name?
Itachi: You know my name
CD: Just answer my question °°presses the button°°
The hammer falls down SQUEK (It would be the sound of the hammer...)
Itachi: °°clenches teeth°° Itachi Uchiha
CD: Good boy. And then, your age?
Itachi: You know my age
SQUEK
Itachi: ok ok, I'm 17 (he's 17 right?)
SQUEK
Itachi: Hey! What the hell was that for?
CD: Sorry, my fault
SQUEK
CD: It's funny! °°presses again°°
SQUEK
Itachi: Are you finished?
CD: Yes, no worry. Your zodiacal sign?
Itachi: Gemini
CD: Date of birth?
Itachi: June, 9th
CD: One of your merits?
Itachi: I can kill my best friend without any regret
CD: °°shivers°° One of your faults?
Itachi: I don't have any
CD: The curse you say more frequently?
Itachi: ---- to keep the rating low the author decides to censure-----
CD: °°her face gets paler and paler°° let's talk about something else. What's your job?
Itachi: I'm a sexy killer
CD: Are you single?
Itachi: Why would...
SQUEK
Itachi: Do you think I...
SQUEK
Itachi: Wait...
SQUEK
Itachi: °°sighs°° Yes
Fan girls clap and scream
Itachi: °°glares daggers at Chocolatedream°° Let's finish this torture soon
CD: As you wish. What's your favourite colour?
Itachi: Black and red.
CD: Black and red? I'm beginning thinking you joined the Akatsuki just for their cloaks
Itachi: I didn't say that
CD: So why did you do it? World domination?
Itachi: That doesn't matter to me
The hammer hits Itachi's head automatically SQUEK
CD: AHA! YOU LIED!
Itachi: Maybe ruling the world wouldn't be that bad...
SQUEK
Itachi: I've always thought about ruling the world in order to kill every single person who writes fanfictions
CD: °°backs away°° So... let's talk about your past. Have you ever been inlove?
Itachi: Love is a feeling for weak people
SQUEK
CD: You shouldn't say that. Maybe you'll find your soul mate, one day
Itachi: Don't you dare to say such a foolish thing, you little annoying girl
SQUEK
Itachi: If you think to be strong because of this hammer you're wrong
SQUEK
Itachi: ….
SQUEK
Itachi: What's the next question?
CD: °°consults a piece of paper°° Oh yes... Here we go. Your favourite music and group?
Itachi: I never listen to music, but Kisame says that Korn would suit me
CD: I think that too. Favourite food and drink?
Itachi: Tempura and Tea
CD: What do you think about: Kisame?
Itachi: He's a good team mate, but he smells like a fish
CD: Sasuke?
Itachi: That brat. I let him live his miserable life a little bit longer and now he's come to the conclusion that I want to be killed by him
CD: Naruto?
Itachi: He's just a stupid kid
CD: Kakashi?
Itachi: Perv
CD: Orochimaru?
Itachi: he's just a man who overestimated himself for killing the Hokage but he's just a ------- Again, to keep the rating low the author decides to censure this part -----
CD: °°Laughs nervously°° All right. I have a last question.
Itachi: Finally
SQUEK
CD: Don't interrupt me. Everyone wonders why you kill your entire clan. And I downloaded all the anime just to find some particular that could explain your actions. Can you explain it now?
Itachi: The likes of you don't know how does it feel to be a genius. And how pathetic life can be when you're surrounded by lower IQ levels. I graduated at age 7, mastered the Sharingan when I was 8, became a Chunin at 10, and became an ANBU member at the age of 13. I'm a prodigal ninja. Killing my clan was just a test. I wanted to know how strong I was
SQUEK
CD: You're lying
Itachi: I'm telling the truth
SQUEK
CD: I don't think so
Itachi: I'm not lying
SQUEK
CD: Yes you are
Itachi: No I'm not
SQUEK
CD: My hammer thinks you're telling a lie.
Itachi: well I assume your hammer is a ------- to keep the rating low the author decides to censure this part too-----
SQUEK
CD: Lies and lies again
Itachi: I have no intention of telling my business to you little annoying thing
SQUEK
CD: Is this your last answer?
Itachi: Yes
CD: °°Talks to the blond-haired man who pushed above (you remember?)°° substitute that foam rubber hammer by a true one
Itachi: °°looks a bit frightened°° What are you planning to do?
CD: Nothing really °°Laughs evilly°°
The curtain closes and the blond-haired man invites the fan girls to leave.
----Behind the curtain---
CD: we're all alone now °°laughs again and presses the button°°
Itachi: °°gulps°° thinks: "If God was on my side then the hammer would miraculously not work saving me from a not happy ending"
God must have really hated him.
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What do you think about it? Did you like it?
Maybe, if you are good guys and post many many reviews, there will be a sequel, will Itachi tell the truth with a true hammer over his head? Who knows! I don't even know myself!
Review please!!