There it was again. That lump in her throat, the one that wouldn't go away. No matter how much water she drank, how many times she tried to swallow it down, make it go away. It was still there at the end of the day.
Lindsay wrapped her arms tightly around herself, opting to walk home, ignoring her co-worker's request to take a cab. The weather outside made it difficult to breathe when walking long distances and perhaps, perhaps she needed the struggle. It reassured her that she was still alive, still breathing even though it was hard to.
She wasn't looking forward to going back to her apartment, back to a view of a parking lot. Back to a bed full of nightmares, hallway full of pictures that would only take her back in time. Her head downcast, lost in the music playing on her mp3, she secretly hoped to get so lost that she couldn't remember who she was, let alone where she was.
The sky glows
I see it shining when my eyes close
I hear your warnings but we both know
I'm gonna look at it again
She stopped at the crosswalk and sighed, Dashboard Confessional was a favorite of hers, though no one would expect it. Sometimes it was just easier to get lost in your own sadness, holding it tightly before letting it go. As Lindsay stepped onto the street, now her turn to cross, she turned the music up louder and put the song on repeat. The tears that had been welling up all day finally spilled down her cheeks, drying quickly and staining from the cold.
Don't wait, Don't wait
The road is now a sudden sea
And suddenly, you're deep enough
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
Her hope of getting lost was in vain. She had made the trip home so frequently after the two years of living in the city, that she knew the path by heart. She could see the street sign that her complex was on the corner of, the coffee shop a block past that. A swift breeze brushed past her in a flash, and she had to stop walking a moment, too exhausted to go against the wind.
You get one look
I'll show you something that the knife took.
A bit too early for my own good
Now let's not speak of it again
Lindsay choked on a sob. Her body so tired of sleepless nights, her mind on overdrive. Mixing past and present was like water and oil. It only made a big mess that she was just didn't have the patience to clean up. She'd been trying so hard to keep everything in and as she made her way up the stairs into her building, she felt herself giving up on holding herself together. It was too hard now. She gripped the railing of the stairs, breath labored now.
Finally at her floor, she made her way down the hall, eyes landing on a lone figure outside her door. Her brow furrowed for a short moment, but she couldn't think of anyone else who would wait outside her door.
It was Danny, managing to still look confident with his head down and his arms folded, head resting against her door frame.
Don't wait, Don't wait
The road is now a sudden sea
And suddenly, you're deep enough
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
His head lifted up as she came closer, her work shoes clunking against the thin carpet in the hall. She opened her mouth to say something. Anything to get him to go before she lost it right in front of him. But her pride was beginning to tire with the rest of her and her lips fell shut. They just looked at each other.
Danny looked over her, and kept silent, opting to open his arms instead, hug her tightly against him, nose resting in her hair.
She breathed in deeply, falling against him, unable to hold herself up any longer. She gripped his shirt between her fingers and cried, body shaking.
With final resolve, Lindsay allowed herself to get lost in his comfort. There was no more fight left in her. She was finally letting go.
Don't wait, Don't wait
The lights will flash and fade away
The days will pass you by
Don't wait
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
To lay your armor down
…. To lay your armor down