Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin, otherwise I would have saved ***Spoiler*** Lancelot's sacrifice until the finale.
A/N: Okay, after watching season 4 episode 1 I felt terrible for Merlin, and felt the need to write some angst. Enjoy! Please read and review.
They were gone. All because he was nothing. Nothing at all.
He couldn't save the ones he loved. Time and time again he had failed. Will, Freya, his father, and now…
Lancelot was gone. His greatest friend. He had known Merlin's true nature, and he hadn't turned from him. He had not shunned him or feared him. He had stayed loyal to the warlock. A servant. A nobody. Lancelot had cared enough for him to sacrifice himself. And Merlin had done nothing to stop him.
It was unbearable. The days passed by without Merlin's notice, and he couldn't have cared less. He found it hard to eat, or sleep, or work. He couldn't think. Gaius worried about him, he knew. Perhaps Arthur, too. He would catch concerned looks from them every now and then. But he ignored them. Sometimes they would mention how pale he looked, how tired…how sad…
But nothing really mattered. Life went on, and everyday without his friend. It was unreal. And it was his fault. Merlin could not forgive himself. He had seen what was happening and could not move to act. It was unforgivable. Inexcusable. He should have been the one to give his life. He should have never let Lancelot come with him. He should have pulled his friend back from the brink before it was too late. Now there was only grief- grief for a good man lost, thanks to his own mistakes. This was the price he would pay for his stupidity.
Pain became constant. Feeling became numb. He would never see his friend again. And now he felt nothing. Nothing at all.