1) Steal his sword.

2) Tell him Mokona ate it

3) Call him "Kuro-Fai" and wait for his reaction

4) Dye his hair fluorescent pink

5) Tell him that you've met fleas with cooler curses than him

6) Ask him if he's ever kissed Fai

7) Ask him why he's denying it

8) Tell him that Sakura's dead and it's all his fault.

9) Superglue his sword to the inside of its sheath

10) Scream, "OH MY GOD HE HAS RED EYES! DIE DEVIL SPAWN!!!" and throw crucifixes at him

11) Tell him that Fai is in love with him because he's a man

12) Tell him that Tomoyo hates him because he's not a woman

13) Make him go see a councillor for his "anger issues"

14) Dress him in Sakura's clothes

15) When you do this coo and say that he looks just like a princess

16) Videotape him constantly. When he asks what you are doing, tell him that it's a device that sucks out people's souls. (He'll probably believe this too!)

17) Show him baby photos of himself

18) Show the photos to his companions

19) When he asks how you got those tell him that Yuko gave them to you in exchange you his virginity.

20) Ask him if Fai ever drank blood from his neck.

21) If he says no, ask him why he's lying

22) If he says yes, ask him how long they have been dating

23) Throw Mokona at him

24) Tell him that Sayoran is his son

25) And that Fai's the father

26) When he's being all "serious fighter" start playing " le Macarena"

27) Tie his shoes together

28) Replace his sword with a plastic replica

29) Throw Fai at him

30) Deck his trousers... in front of his companions... in public...

31) Repeat everything he says in Gregorian chant

32) Finish off his sentences with, "in accordance with the prophecy."

33) Make him read every single fanfic about Kuro/Fai pairings, especially the mpreg ones

'Where the hell is my sword!' yelled Kurogane furiously kicking over a couch.

You smile innocently and say, 'Mokona ate it!'

He looks at you suspiciously, 'Are you sure that YOU didn't steal it?'

'What? Don't you trust me Kuro-Fai?'

'No as a matter of fac- HOLD ON WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME!!!'

You giggle and skip out of the room before you get destroyed.

The next morning Kuro-chan comes out of his room and Fai, Mokona and you start laughing at him.

'Huh? What are you laughing at?'

You hand him a mirror.

'…'

*Very long pause*

'WHY THE HELL IS MY HAIR FLURO PINK!!!!!!' he screams and runs to thye bathroom to try and wash the dye out.

As he is failing at said task you burst into the bathroom and scream that you've met fleas with cooler curses than him. And then you dodge the various bathroom objects that are thrown at you.

When he comes back out (still with pink hair) you skip up to him.

'Hey Kuro-Fai?'

'It's Kurogane.'

'Have you ever kissed Fai?'

'WHAT THE HELL!!! WHY WOULD I DO THAT!!!!'

'Why are you denying it Kuro-Fai?'

'IT'S KUROGANE AND I'M NOT DENYING IT!!!'

'So you HAVE kissed him!'

'NO!!!'

'Oh by the way, Sakura's dead.

'Wh… What!'

'And it's all your fault!'

Just then Sakura walks in.

'I'll kill you!' he screams and goes to draw him sword from its sheath but finds that he can't pull it out.

You pull out a stick of super-glue and grin but then stop.

'Huh? What is it now?' he growls.

You scream, "OH MY GOD HE HAS RED EYES! DIE DEVIL SPAWN!!!" and begin to throw crucifixes at him.

After a few hours of chasing Kurogane around (still throwing crucifixes at him) you leave him alone.

For about five minutes.

'Hey Kuro-Fai! Did you know that Fai's in love with you?'

'He what!'

'And it's because you're a man.'

'…'

'Oh! And Tomoyo hates you because you're not a woman!'

'…'

'Kuro-Fai why are yo-'

'I'LL KILL THAT LITTLE B**CH!!!!' He screams and managed to wrench his superglued sword from it's sheath.

'Woah Kuro-Fai! You should see a councillor about those anger issues of yours!'

'IT'S KUROGANE!!!!'

'I'll know what'll cheer you up!'

[Half and hour later]

'WHY AM I WEARING THIS!?!'

'You look just like a princess!'

Sakura tilted her head, 'How did he fit into my clothes in the first place?'

'Hey by the way. What's that box-thing that you've been pointing at me for the past few days?'

'It's a video camera! It's records you every move so it can steal your soul!'

'GYAA! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!!'

'Oh by the way. Take a look at these!'

'Wha-!'

'BABY PHOTOS! AREN'T THEY CUTE!!!!'

'Where did you get those!'\

'Yuko gave them to me in exchange for your virginity!'

'…'

' XD '

'I don't wanna know.'

[WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD!!!]

'Has Fai ever drunk blood from your neck?'

'No'

'Why are you lying?'

'Okay fine he has.'

'How long have you been dating him?'

'What! We're not dat- mupph!'

'Yay! Mokona loves being throw at Kuro-Fai!'

'It's KUROGANE!!!'

'Oh. Kurogane I have some serious news to tell you.'

'Huh? It must be, you just called me by my real name.'

You pause for a little while, 'Syaoran is your son.'

'…'

'And Fai's the father.'

'That's it. This has gone on for long enough. It's time to end this.'

You pull a CD player out from behind you back and hit play.

Le Macarena starts to play at full volume.

'What the hell?' Kurogane goes to step forward but falls flat on his face.

'WHO TIED MY SHOES TOGETHER!!!!'

You whistle (aka HYUU!!!) innocently and go to skip off.

Kurogane growls and pulls out his sword to cut his laces only to fin that it has been replaced with a plastic replica.

After a few minutes of struggling with quadruple knots he managed to stand up again.

Only to have Fai thrown at him.

'Oh! Hello Kuro-Fai!'

'Don't you start calling me that too!'

Meanwhile, you are sneakily sneaking up behind Kurogane and….

Deck his trousers.

'What the hell!!!' Kurogane yells then notices that his companions are present…

And they were all in the middle of a public and fully busy street.

'Goddammit this is annoying!!!'

'Gooooddaammiiitt thiiiisss iiisss annooooyiiiiing!' You sing.

'I'm going to murder you.'

'In accordance with the prophercy.' You finish brightly.

'I give up.'

'In accordance with the prophercy!'

'…'

'Don't worry. I'm going now. Oh1 But before that…'

You pull a huge stack of paper from nowhere and give them to Kurogane.

'Read ALL of those!'

And you disappear.

Kurogane reads the papers over the span of a week then went to find Fai.

'Hey Kuro-chan! What are you-'

[Five minute kissing scene]

'Wow! You're good at this Kuro-chan!'

'Hey Mage?'

'Yeah?'

'You can't get pregnant can you?'

'Huh?'