better in time
"it's been the longest winter without you,"- leona lewis.
Darkness was all around her, the wind encasing her in it rough blows. She shivered, shaking as the breeze hit her frail form. The nights seemed so much colder these days, after he had left, leaving her without him to shelter her as the rain pelted the windows.
But it would get better, wouldn't it? The weather would clear up, the rain would go and her heart would heal. It had to. She couldn't live like this for the rest of her life. Padme couldn't live in pain, in tears and definitely could not live her life avoiding seeing him.
A stray tear rolled down her pale cheek. She brushed it away impatiently, shaking her head in the darkness. It had been her decision to let him go, after all. She had been the mature one, made the choice that would break her heart. She had known the repercussions at the time, hadn't she? Known that he would never speak to her again, that she would never gaze upon his adoring face as he grinned in the sun. At the time, when she had made the decision, she had known that her heart would have been broken in two, left un-repairable and weakened.
She had known but yet she had still made the decision.
As the sun rose, a mixture of pinks and yellow mixing with the darkness of night, she managed to force a small smile, brushing away wet tears from her cheeks. It would get better in time.
It had to.
She had let Anakin go so he could be free, not be tied down to her. Padme knew he needed his freedom, no matter how much he denied it. He needed freedom like she needed him, but in this case, his needs were greater. So, ever the politician, she had met his needs, not caring how much it hurt hers.
That was who she was. She would rather a happy and free Anakin than an Anakin by her side night and day, sheltering her from the war.
She would rather find out about his death on the Holonet than have to wait up all night, crying and praying that he was still alive. Because that wasn't fair, she needed to know that he would be safe, however far apart they were. She didn't care he if forgot all about her, it was better than Anakin being killed because he slipped up in battle whilst thinking of her.
She could fill an ocean with her tears and sorrow but somehow, at the same time, she felt like she was building a desert within the cracks of her heart. They would be fixed, slowly but surely, and she would forget that once she had loved a brave, incredible man called Anakin. Her life would continue, no matter how much she dragged her heels and willed it to stop and reverse, so it was better to go along with the ride than wallow in her un-happiness.
She would rather her children grow up without their father.
And she had made that choice.
But it would get better in time.