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C H A P T E R O N E

Song: Scar Tissue – Red Hot Chili Peppers

"Where we love is home, home where our feet may leave, but not our hearts."

-Oliver Wendell Holmes

I never thought I would have this feeling. This place had been my easiest stay, but not my home. And now, I seemed to have a gnawing feeling in my stomach. I think It was the fact that when I normally packed up my bags it meant that I was going to a new family; I wasn't. I was going to be on my own. I had dreamed of this. I had always felt alone and unwanted. Finally… I could just be alone.

Or this gnawing feeling could be do to the fact that this place might have been the closest thing I had to home, and I was just now realizing it. I had even got to paint the walls of the room. This really was my room. George and Helen had kept me clothed and fed. I had gotten some really nice presents for Christmas, which was a first. They were willing to pay collage money I didn't need. I had gotten a scholarship, but then again I probably wouldn't have gotten it if I were fighting to stay alive in the world of foster care, and group homes. That's what it was; a whole other world for kids. So in a way… they did pay for collage. I had come a long way in the last two years.

I heard the jingle of Tick-Tack's collar. Tick- tack was Helen's white weenie dog, and baby. George and I weren't aloud to call him a dog. He was one of those dogs who was aloud to sleep on all of the furniture, and most likely took up most of the bed. Helen bought him the best canned dog food. If you went to the store and didn't come back with a toy he would be depressed for the rest of the night. If he peed in the house he didn't get in trouble. He went everywhere with us if he was aloud. He had even been in the family Christmas post card picture. He had worn a matching sweater just like the people. I had been in that.

I had never liked Tick -Tack. I called him "Tick" behind everyone's back. He was kind of like the adopted child before I came into the picture. The Turners had lost there first baby and were never able to reproduce after that. They had been trying for adoption for five years; I was shoved here. And I felt like I was competing with Tick for acceptance into the family. He had his picture on the fridge. But as I realized that would be the last time I would hear Tick's collar for awhile, the gnawing got worse.

It hit me like a piano dropped from the sky. This was my home. I had never even realized it. I had never told the Turners that they had truly been my angels. They had rescued me. I had never pet Tick when he wanted me to. Even when I thought he was kind of cute. Now I thought of all of the dinner conversations that I didn't participate in. I was not the family member that I should have been; I had acted like a stranger in a house. They had not deserved that. I had set draconic rules on getting attached. If I got attached it would be harder to leave. Then again, I never left this place. I had been adopted, I had stayed here longer then I had ever stayed anywhere. I had not let myself settle into something I had been looking for my whole life.

The gnawing turned into a lurch. I ran forward toward the French balcony doors, retching them open, and leaning over the railing just in time to empty my breakfast. I whipped my mouth once my stomach stopped contracting. The heat of the hot phoenix sun was not the best thing right now, but I was too weak to walk. I dropped to the ground. I heard sobs and felt salty water running down my cheeks. I made myself sick, Literally.

The jingle of Tick's collar got closer. I felt his saliva as he licked me but I did not push him away.

Then I heard the sound of foot steps I shot up and whipped my face. George was in the door way. George was a balding man with glasses but he still looked somewhat charming. The apnessphere around us always seemed to be awkward. Right now, it was beyond that.

I stood up with quickly. He cleared his throat.

"Uh… why don't you sit down?" It sounded more like a question but I took it as an order.

We sat in the lawn chairs that sat on the patio. I looked at the buildings behind the Turner's nice apartment. I had hated the sound of cars at night and now I knew I would have trouble sleeping.

The situation was still awkward. I took comfort in that and relaxed. It took me awhile to get comfortable being alone around George. He was a man after all, but we had grown a custom to it.

We both heard a scream and quickly looked over the railing.

"Ana! Don't touch that!" a little girl with a snow cone was walking toward my barf. We quickly ducked out of sight before the mother could see us.

George cleared his throat and handed me a glass of water. I raised an eyebrow. Had he always carried around everything needed?

"I saw something orange fall in front of the window when I was washing dishes. I figured it was you and came to give you this." I nodded along with him and took the water gratefully.

"Thanks." I said, blushing of course.

"No problem." He looked down and I saw the same look of conflict in his eye that he got when Helen was scolding him on what was healthy to eat and what was not. Or when she told him that beer smelled and tasted like moose pee. I personally didn't want to know how she knew that. So it was odd that he would have that expression around me. We were both not very verbose.

He began picking at the lawn chair. He was stalling. Great… that's not just the Helen look. He's going to start conversation.

He cleared his throat and looked past me at nothing in particular.

Please don't pry George… You've been so cool… don't ruin our awkwardness.

"Bella…." He trailed off.

"George…" I followed along not knowing what to say.

"Why the water works?" He asked gruffly. He was trying to sound laid back? Kill me.

I touched my cheek. Had I really been crying that bad? It had been a long time since I cried at all.

"Oh… uh… the throwing up just kind of did it." I was a terrible liar no matter how much the skill was needed.

But of course, George was oblivious and thankful to get out of the emotions zone as was I.

"Oh well, alright. I'll leave you to get ready. We leave in about an hour." He stood up. He was a tall man and he had to duck in order not to hit the balcony above us. As he turned I felt I needed to really say something for the first time in a long time.

"Hey George." I said louder.

He pivoted around and looked at me.

I focused on the patterns in the concrete of the porch.

"I'm really gonna miss you. And I wanted to uhh… th-thanks." I stuttered.

He was clearly shocked and that made it worse. Was I really that bad? Yes.

"Thankful for what?" he asked.

I really just wanted him to accept it, and not ask questions. It was out of his character too. Then again, I was out of mine.

I took a deep breath.

Que sera, sera! You might as well be honest.

"For, you know, saving me… and taking me in, all that." I said lamely. I turned my head pretending to be nonchalant.

"All I did was try and complete my family. I know it may seem like I saved you. I can't imagine what you've been through. But really I just did what I felt was right." Why can't you just accept it? "But uhh… Yeah… you're welcome" he grumbled. Finally.

I turned to Tick. He was staring at me and then he tilted his head to the side. He lay down on his back, asking me to scratch his belly.

I narrowed my eyes. "What are you looking at?" I growled. He remained unfazed.

With a sigh of defeat I slowly reached down to scratch his belly.

XXX

Helen couldn't come with us. She had won tickets on some radio talk show. She was going to Long Island and was taking her mother with her. It was a once in a life time chance to get a free first class vacation. She wasn't too thrilled that she couldn't take Tick with her though. She did feel bad that she couldn't come drop me off. She even cried. I didn't know weather to be confused, or flattered. I settled on: "I don't care."

Helen had refused to keep Tick at home with no one there. That's why my legs were extremely cramped right now. Tick was fast asleep on my knees and if I moved he would wake up and get car sick. What kind of dog didn't like to wind surf? Helen's kind.

We were taking Georges car seeing as how I didn't have one yet. I was planning on getting a job, maybe even two. He sighed as we had to pull in for gas once again; I winced at the amount of money. Helen and George weren't poor, but money was fairly scarce. An artist and a tool shop owner didn't make a whole lot of money, but plenty. We were humble people.

That thought made me light headed again and I scolded myself. I had done this many times. I really didn't know what I was getting into, but who wouldn't take this opportunity? It would make me seem selfish. I never even thought about going to such a good school. Forks Prestige Collage was one of the best collages in the U.S. It was also one of the most expensive. I was even looking at a shiny Volvo in the parking lot. I bet there going to FP. It was a place I would never fit in. But then again were else would I? A place I would never go back to. I was going to a place full of normal rich kids.

Even the weather was nothing like were I was from. Rain, green, clouds green…. I had watched it change as we drove. We were getting close.

Leaving home had been harder then I thought. I ran a hand over the uncomfortable couch covers that Helen insisted on having. I looked at her tea set and registered the detail into my memory. I sat in George's recliner just like I had always wanted to, and then catapulted myself out. And when no one was looking I went into Helen's craft closet (Yes, that's right. Can you say Martha Stewart?) and took out a box of last years Christmas Postcards. I studied our first family picture and then put it into a plain black frame.

My thoughts were interrupted by a rapping on my window. I opened it looking at George curiously.

"How about you walk Tick-Tack for bit?"

"Alright" I grabbed Tick's leash, waking him up.

I walked him on a patch of grass around the gas pump.

"Bella I know I don't talk much…. But that crease on your forehead is bugging me." George said suddenly. "Stop being a worry wart."

I gaped at him. George had never really been that forward with me.

"What are you talking about?" I breathed.

"You're an open book Bells." He laughed.

I tensed at the comment.

"I'm going to the bathroom." I said. He nodded and took Tick from me.

I didn't plan on actually going to the bathroom in a gas station, but I couldn't be around anyone right now.

I was an open book? If so, then I was screwed. I didn't want people to see through me. I thought I was good at hiding emotions. Did that change? I was scared shitless.

I stomped pass the man who was asleep behind the cash register.

I slammed open the LADIES door. I was sure to take deep breaths through my mouth and not my nose. I don't know what came over me. I had always found comfort in I had put up around my heart.

You're an open book Bells….

Everyone could see how pathetic I was?

Against my will, my tear ducts tingled. Why was I crying over things that didn't seem so important? I had never cried for things that mattered. A sob escaped my lips as I thought of the things.

Soon I was bawling. I didn't even know why anymore. Was I scared? I had never been scared to go into a home… not after awhile. I had always been prepared. Then I remembered yet again that I was not going on to another home. I was going to collage; I knew that. But where was I going really. Genuine fear ran through me.

I heard someone suddenly storm into the men's room next to me. The walls were paper thin and I tried to dismiss the fact that I could here anything. The sink began to run and I figured he was washing his hands or something. That was good; the sound of the pipes would drown out my sobbing. And so I continued until I heard the sink cut off. I didn't really care if he heard me. He was just some guy in a gas station.

I froze when a tiny knock came from the other side.

"Umm… I'm sorry miss. Is someone hurting you are you hurting yourself?" I was shocked right out of my crying jag. Partly because a stranger was seriously asking someone in the bathroom next to them what they were doing. Then partly because the voice sounded beautiful…. like velvet. That left me one option.

"God?" I called timidly. There was a howl of laughter that sounded like bells. I was hypnotized once again. I stared at the wall like a naked Rob Pattinson. I felt stupid.

"No. But what if I was? He can not ignore those who cry out." He said smoothly although I could still here the smile in his voice.

I snickered, coming out of my daze.

"So you are seriously asking a stranger in a bathroom what there problems are?" I said sarcastically.

"Yeah" He said in a casual tone.

"Is this some therapy project?" I asked in a rude tone.

"No, but I am majoring in physiology. But we all need a little therapy sometimes… even the therapists." He said "But you don't have to. I'm just bored and I wanted to make sure you weren't in trouble or anything. I'm just a good citizen. Now, a penny for your thoughts?" He finished.

I took a deep breath. Was I seriously going to vent on some guy through a paper thin wall in a gas station bathroom? Yes. I had never talked to anyone about my problems. But this guy wouldn't tell, and if he did then he wouldn't know it was me and the people he knew wouldn't know it was me. I was more trustful in this confidentiality then any consoler.

"I'm just scared." I croaked. "And confused… I'm scared and confused, as cliché as that sounds." I said.

"What are you scared and confused about?" He asked eagerly.

"I'm confused because I'm crying for something that seems so stupid compared to things I should be crying about. I'm confused because I'm going to miss something I never thought I would miss." I paused. "I'm scared because I'm about to do something I have never dreamed of doing. I'm scared because I wonder if people will be able to see that I'm scared and confused. Like I'm an open book." I said with a sigh. I had stopped. "I just don't want all the normal people to see that I'm not normal-"

I was cut off by a snicker.

"Hey. You're the one who wanted people to know. You don't have to laugh at me" I snapped.

"No, no, no." he rushed. "It's just that, there is no such thing as normal."

"Huh?"

"There is no such thing as normal. It fits right in with Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. People just made up normal to have a place were all judgment starts. You go from normal to extraordinary, or weird, or troubled, or whatever… It's all a load of shit." He ended his rant with a huff.

I sat there taking it in. What was I supposed to say now? Thankfully I didn't have to answer.

"If you're feeling down about yourself you can always know that at the moment you have more class then some people. Just look at the sign above the toilet." He laughed. I looked up.

PLEASE!

NO FEMINE PRODUCTS

DIPARS

DRUGS

OR CONDOMS

IN TOILETS.

THANK YOU!

I blushed, but bit back a huge giggle.

"Oh the wonder of gas station bathrooms." I sighed. He laughed and I listened.

There was a rapping on my door. "Are you going to be much longer?" asked a slightly frustrated female voice.

"Yeah, just a minute!" I called.

"Ummm… well thanks I guess… you'll make a good therapist one day."

I heard a muffled, musical chuckle on the other side.

"Thank you. I think you should go before the lady outside has an accident. I can hear her doing the potty dance." I laughed at his comment. I mean… I really laughed.

"You have a lovely laugh." He said suddenly.

I stopped and stared at the wall as if I would suddenly get X-ray vision so that could gape at him properly. And I blushed of course.

"Whatever. Bye." I said quickly. I turned as I got up though. "Or should I say Amen?" I mused.

He laughed again.

The woman banged on the door.

"What are you doing in there!?!" She screamed.

What is it with people asking me what I'm doing in the bathroom?

"Sorry!" I got straitened out and opened the door.

The woman's face was red and she was glaring at me. I flinched away as she shoved past me into the bathroom.

I stared at the men's room door for a second then headed back out. I really did feel a lot lighter.

George was asleep and Tick was licking his face. I rolled my eyes.

I slammed the door as I got in, trying to wake him up.

He jerked up and rubbed his eyes.

"You ready?" He asked. I nodded mutely.

I studied the alien planet outside of the window. When the car skidded two of my boxes lurched forward. George cursed as the car came to a halt. Tick started yelping in my ear.

We looked up to see the shiny silver Volvo pealing out of the parking lot. He had cut us off.

"What a jackass. We all don't have cars like that! We could skid off the roads, there slippery!" I flinched once again at the tone of his voice.

After our hearts returned to there steady pulses George began to drive again.

My mood had been rained on once again. Just like this dumb town.

I could see the Volvo winding up ahead of us, and narrowed my eyes at it.

"Stupid shiny Volvo owner…" I growled to myself

Review so that I can continue. The first chapter is the one you should tell me about the most! I will no if I should continue. I'll give you a crooked grin from Edward…..