For ( _MissKM_) who prompted me on twitter. Prompt will follow at the end of the story. I hope this is close to what you wanted!
Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or these beautiful characters.
The Meaning of Our Choices
For the purpose of this story, Ryan doesn't interrupt the conversation that Castle and Beckett were having in her apartment in 'After the Storm'. There will also be no mention of Maddox or Bracken.
She thought maybe they had managed to skip the awkward moments. Each time she woke naked and pressed against Castle's equally naked body last night she waited for it, but it never came. This morning she brought him coffee, dressed in only his shirt and they had a conversation and the easiness of it all shocked her.
She thought they'd skipped the awkward, 'reality sets in' moment.
She thought it wasn't going to come.
It does.
Thirty minutes ago, Castle knocked on her door and apologized for hiding her in his closet. He asked her to let him make it up to her. Round four, if you count last night's activities and, oh yes, he definitely made it up to her.
The difference is, last night they drifted to sleep after each round, sated, happy, and blissfully worn out. But now, sleep is the last thing on their minds and the awkward silence has definitely set in. They've only managed two brief conversations since she first showed up soaking wet at his door and told him she wanted him.
They're happily sated, naked and wrapped around each other, but the silence stretches on.
And although neither of them has broken the silence, it seems to be screaming 'Where do we go from here?'
The only thing she knows for certain is that neither of them wants this to be a one or two time thing. They both want more, but how much?
And then reality hits her full force. Holy shit. They just had sex, for the fourth time. Castle has seen her naked and in every position that her body can fold in to. They're doing this now. Only, what the heck is 'this' exactly?
There's only one way to find out.
She pushes herself off his chest and rolls onto her stomach before folding her arms underneath her chin.
"Castle?"
It seems to take him a few minutes to register why he's suddenly cold, but when he sees that she's moved he rolls onto his side so that he can see her better.
"Why'd you move? You're a very effective blanket," he winks at her, but she only shakes her head. He's adorable like this, but they need to have a serious conversation before they go any further.
"Castle, what are we doing?"
His face morphs in confusion and he frowns up at her. "I think it's pretty obvious what we're doing, Kate."
He waggles his eyebrows and she rolls her eyes.
"Can you just be serious for a few minutes please?"
He frowns again, but nods.
"Okay, yeah, I can be serious."
She takes a deep breath before she continues and then she decides to just dive right into it.
"We took a pretty big step last night and I just want to know what's going through your head right now. You were pretty angry when I first showed up at your door and I guess I just need to know where we stand."
"You know what I want, Kate."
"Do I? You walked away from me yesterday, Castle. And you had every right to. I know we're here right now, but that anger still has to be there somewhere. You can't have forgiven me that easily."
He's quiet for a few minutes, mulling over what she just said. Yeah, there is still some anger there, but she came back to him and that's what he really cares about now.
"The things that I'm angry about don't change how I feel about you. I wish that you would have chosen to let me in sooner. I wish that you wouldn't have chosen going after someone who almost killed you twice over staying safe. But do you know what I really care about?"
"What?"
"You. You're here with me right now and that's all I ever wanted."
She smiles but then shakes her head again.
"But Castle, we have to talk about the things that still bother us or we're never going to be able to move forward. So if there's anything that you need to ask me about, anything at all, please ask it."
By the look on his face she thinks he's going to ignore her request. He's always so cautious when he thinks she's fragile and in the past she would have pushed him away instead of being open like this.
This isn't the past.
"Why did you lie to me?" His question is quiet, barely a whisper and she almost misses it. He closes his eyes after he asks it as if he's afraid of her reaction.
She fights back the emotions that clog her throat, because he needs this answer from her even if the truth of it is hard to voice.
"Each time I imagined having this conversation in my head I had a justifiable answer for that question. I thought that my reasons for lying to you about remembering were good for both of us. The only thing I can tell you is the truth. I was scared, Castle. When I woke up in that hospital bed it was only your words that swirled in my mind. I wasn't ready to face the reality of them because I wasn't even remotely close to being the person that you deserved."
She blinks back tears and turns her head away from him, but he doesn't let her hide. He rolls closer to her and tenderly rubs his hand over her back.
"Kate…"
"No, Castle," she protests, shaking her head at his attempt to let her off the hook.
He lifts his fingers to her chin and gently turns her face back towards him. "Would you just listen to me for a second?"
She nods and he catches the next trail of her tears with his thumb.
"You are what I want, and that has been the case for a long time now. When you're scared, I'll be your courage. When you're broken, I'll be your strength. When you're lost, I'll be your compass. Do you see the pattern?"
"I don't deserve you," she stutters out between the flood of tears that now steadily run down her cheeks.
"It doesn't matter either way. You have me."
He wraps her in his arms and she comes willingly.
After her emotions have settled she lifts her hand to his face, drawing his attention to her.
"So you want this—us?" she asks.
He smiles and pulls her closer so that their lips are almost touching. "There's nothing that I want more."
"It might be hard at times," she confesses.
"The hardest things in life are the most worth doing," he whispers with a smirk, but he's never been more serious.
"I'm sorry, for taking so long to get here."
"You're here now. And I forgive you." He kisses her then, drinking in her apology and pouring his forgiveness into the welcoming heat of her mouth.
He rolls her underneath him with the intention of proving just how in this he really is.
She breaks their kiss when he trails his hand down her side and he has to suppress his own eye roll at the ridiculous question she asks him.
"So, you still love me then?"
"What, four rounds of me whispering it to you while making love wasn't convincing enough?"
"Maybe the fifth time will convince me?" she whispers with a straight face, but then her smile gives her away.
She never needed convincing, but even if he whispers 'I love you' to her for the rest of their lives, she'll never grow tired of hearing it.
Prompt: Reality sets in after Always (No Bracken) resulting in relationship talk.
Would love to hear your thoughts! xo