Summary: Max is suicidal. Her parents divorced a few years ago, her mum had to sell their house cause she couldn't afford it anymore, her sisters are constantly fighting and she no longer talks to people about her feelings, she is sent to countless physchiatrists, she changes school without her parents support and her aunties dog whom she was very close to had just died a few days ago. This is her "emo" poem.
I make my way throughout the classes at school,taking notes and not speaking to anybody like I always do. The teachers don't even remember I'm in their class. In fact, the teacher in my current class, English, seems to be having trouble remembering my name, even after three terms as my English teacher.
"Miss... er.." Here he starts shuffling his papers, looking for the list of students names from term one.
"Miss Ride"
"My names Max, actually" I say quietly but confidently. I never talk in class so obviously the classmates start gossiping.
"... the emo kid speaks?" "What kind of a name is Max for a girl?" "Wait, is that a girl or a boy?" "I thought she was mute?" and "Since when was there a goth girl in our class" is all I hear around the room.
"Right, right, of course... Max... Will you make your way to the front of the classroom? We are sharing poems we wrote."
I snap my attention back to him, then grab a random poem from my book, not bothering to open it and check which one it is.
Right when I'm at the front, i unfold my poem and look at the title. NO! my mind screams. Not THAT one!
"Um... May I grab a different poem?" I ask, stuttering from nerves.
He snatches it out of my hands and skims it, then hands it back to me and says,"No, that one is fine. Go ahead!"
I take a shakey breath and look down at the paper in my hands.
My Heart Finally at Rest
No one knows exactly what goes on in my head
They all try but I'm hanging by a single thread
I can't imagine what people would think, if only they knew
They would be horrified and I would be taken
I have responsibilities that I know are important
But right now they seem so distant, the memories gone like those of my years as an infant
I open the drawer in the bathroom that no one ever looks at
And pull out the knife, the sharpest one I could find when in such a state of confusion and panic
The blade of the knife gleams in the bathrooms dim light and I can tell it still is not sharp
Yet I know with a few swipes across my wrist in the exact same place I will be able to see that beautiful, red, warm blood I long to see
At first its just a few drops of blood, then turns into a heavy stream
I feel as though I should be panicking, knowing that I could lose too much blood, yet all I feel is a calmness I haven't ever experienced before in my entire life
I feel a release of all my emotions
I smile at the thought of not having to deal with all that at the moment
I feel the blood dripping down my arm but i wish it was going faster
Pouring out more blood and bringing me closer to the blissful emptiness of not existing any longer.
I blindly swipe at my wrist again
I feel the blood rising to the surface at a quicker rate and I know that the walls I have been putting up all these years are finally able to come down
I cry for the first time in ages, real sobs wracking my body, leaving me gasping for air, mourning the divorce of my parents, the loss of my home, the feeling of closeness towards my sisters, the switching of schools, heck, even the loss of my aunties dog!
And that's when everything starts going black and I go under the surface of consciousness, sinking deeper and deeper into this obsidian coloured world, feeling my body slowly stop functioning and my heart finally at rest
...
...
...
At least until the paramedics made it here.
Silence fills the room after i finished my poem, and I realise only now what I just did.
I told my entire English class that Ii have in the past made a suicide attempt.
God, I'm such an idiot!
Then, slowly, i hear applause, getting louder until the entire class is clapping, the teacher being the loudest.
"That was amazing, Max, truly amazing! Well done. Well done!"
I go to sit in my seat, but I make the mistake of looking at the rest of my classmates faces. There is one that stands out to me. He has obsidian coloured eyes, long black hair, tanned skin and is dressed all in black. he is looking intensely at me, but not at my face, but what i am wearing. Its obvious I'm wearing long sleeves to cover my cuts and suddenly I can't take the classes eyes on me. I run out of the classroom with the teacher calling me back, out of the school, and into the forest, looking for my special place.
My special place is a place I found when i was a kid. Its in the forest, minutes away from the beach.
Its a big tree, located next to a lake that i swim in.
I climb the tree, but stop about a quarter way up, suddenly exhausted. I sit on the branch I'm currently on and lean back, trying to sleep. I'm almost out when I hear it, the branch snapping.
And suddenly I'm falling.