A/N:
So this is something I've been working on, and I have up to Chapter 4 done. But I'm posting it now, because I really want to know if people are interested. I mean if no one is, then I won't continue, but if some are, I'll definitely continue. Each chapter is named after the song that really inspired that certain chapter, and I have the lines that really zero in on the meaning of the chapter. A lot of this story does have personal experiences, so this story means a lot to me. So, you know, enjoy.
Song - "Bottom of a Bottle" - Smile Empty Soul
Chapter One - Do It For the Love
"I do it for the drugs
I do it just to feel alive
I do it for the love
That I get from the bottom
Of a bottle"
Smoke swirled up above, twirling in the dim light. Matthew chuckled lightly at the shapes before taking another puff from the joint and passing it to the girl laying next to him. Around them the party raged on, people drinking and dancing, the smell of pot and sex was everywhere. For over three years this had been his life. Smoking and fucking. Fucking around, fucking people, fucking up. He rolled over to look at the girl next to him. It was one of the few girls he never dared to fuck, one of his dealer's sisters, Katyusha, or Kat as she was less formally known. She often came to him for drugs as she owed her brother too much to go to. He barely remembered how he met her, all he knew was that one day he was at her house and he never really left. She let him keep all his clothes at her place and most of the time he slept on her couch.
"You know Ivan will be here later, right?" he asked her softly. She turned with a smile.
"I brought Natalya with me, he hasn't seen her in so long."
Matt flinched at the mention of the youngest of the siblings. She was insane in his mind.
"Sure and her attempting to rape Ivan and as such keeping him from asking you about money has nothing to do with it," he said smartly.
She looked sad at his words.
"I don't want to avoid him, I just don't have money…"
"It's okay Kat, I'm sure he wants to see you, money or no. You're his sister," his words began slowing as the weed began to sink in, needing the feel of it, as the heroin from the afternoon had begun to wear off.
"Sure, and you totally want to see your family, right?" He stared at her for a minute before standing.
"Sure, whatever."
He walked away, leaving her laying across the couch. He picked up a beer and slammed into the chair next to another of his friends.
"What's your deal? You and Kat looked like you were having a good time..." he asked staring at the usually mild tempered teen.
"I don't wanna talk about it."
Matt began chugging the beer on the table in front of him.
"Hey, Maple, maybe you should slow down… You've had like five in the past five minutes, not even the drunk hobo by the cafe can do that." Matt smiled at his nickname, it was great to know that these people knew him for him.
"You know, Toris, technically we're hobos too. The only reason we don't stay on the street is 'cuz some sucker takes us in every night."
"Feliks isn't some sucker!" Matt smirked and swayed towards his friend.
"Who be dis Feliks?" his words slurred and teasing. Toris blushed slightly, and looked at the floor.
"H-he he's this g-guy I've, uh, been staying with."
"Why dun ya 'ring him 'round 'ere? Bet ya love 'is fine ass, dun ya?" Matt asked, with a wiggle of his eyebrows. Toris blushed and smack him on the arm, hitting the spot he had shot up in early. Matt winced and pulled his arm away with an irritated look that Toris just ignore.
"W-well he doesn't like Ivan, so he never comes with me to the parties," Matt nodded in understanding, no longer feeling like speaking. He grabbed another joint from someone walking by. He leaned back and began to smoke. Toris shook his head at his friend's behaviour. Matt briefly noted that Ivan walked in with Raivis by his side. Poor kid, Matt thought. Ivan had a habit of taking the 'new kid' under his wing, basic making them his lap dog. Matt shuddered at the memory of when he had that job. He waved as Ivan walked by, causing the teen to drop a pill in front of him with a soft smile. Ivan had a smile that girls loved, but any one that really knew him weren't fooled by it. He nodded and held up money as Raivis went by, shaking as he looked around the party. Must be his first… Raivis took the money for the pill and rushed to keep up with Ivan. Drunkenly Matt reached for the pill in front of him, hoping Ivan gave him something good, but not caring enough to ask. It wasn't often that he took pills, mainly stuck to weed, booze and a good does of heroin each day, but the mention of his family made him want to get trashed more than usual. He usually tried to avoid speaking of the whole mess, and normally succeeded.
Soon after taking the pill the colours in the room began to swirl together. People passing by turned into flashing noise. The smell of the room grafted into the colourful scene he began to live in. He watched as a butterfly danced above his nose and the smell of his purple wings drew him closer until the black flipped him upside down and he fell down slide into nothing.
Slowly the feeling returned to his body and he realised that he felt like shit. His back and legs were hurting, his head ached, and he could taste metal. Matt groaned as a voice reached his ears.
"You awake kid?"
"Hnmg"
"While that was a wonderful sound I suggest you clean yourself up before your folks arrive," Matt eyes snapped opened and he attempted to roll out of the bed and land on his feet, but instead his face met concrete.
"Fuck," He lifted himself off the ground and glanced up at the man before him. Through his blurry vision he recognised the man before him.
"Yo Ludwig! What was that about parents? I got none!" he answered smartly as he lifted himself back to the bed.
"For the last time, hopefully, it's Officer to you, and yes, we finally found your parents. You didn't think that we wouldn't be able to trace a 'Matthew Williams'?" Matt stared at him, and the blonde officer stared back.
"Y-you you mean, you found my family? My m-mom?" he asked hopefully, but Ludwig only looked at him sadly.
"No, I'm saying that we found the people who adopted you. You may have used your birth name, but that still traces to the Kirklands." As the words left his mouth Matt slipped to the floor looking desolate, and truly feeling his hangover for the first time that morning.
"Oh."
The officer sighed and shook his head, sick of seeing cases like this all the time. He looked over at his partner sitting on the desk reading a magazine. They shuffled kids in and out of here all the time, but this kid had been in here almost once a month, his rap sheet in Ludwig's hands had more pages than the magazine his partner read. They'd never been able to find his parents or any solid enough evidence to send him to juvie, most juries finding the kid too innocent for the crimes and most witnesses saying the never saw him. Not this time though, now they had found his parents.
"B-but how?" The kids voice broke his thoughts and he looked back at him.
"Well, it seems that a P.I. put out a BOLO on a young Matthew Kirkland. Born Matthew Williams, adopted by an Arthur and Francis Bonnefoy-Kirkland along with Alfred Jones, a boy sharing not only appearance but a birthday as well. Disappeared three and a half years ago at age thirteen. Last seen walking home from school on March 21, between the hours of three and four P.M.. Police never found a body, one father believed you to be dead, and the other hired the P.I. about a year ago," as the officer read from the new sheet on top of the folder Matt crawled onto the bed and began to curl into a foetal position.
"They'll be here in about twenty minutes, I suggest you get ready to see one of your fathers," Ludwig turned and began to walk away.
"W-wait! W-what if I don't want t-to go back!" he shouted, making the officer turn.
"Then you leave when you're eighteen."
Matthew put his hood up, curled up further and began to shake. In the background he could hear the two officers arguing softly and water dripping from a faucet. The thing taking over his mind, however, was the day he decided to leave.
"Hey Matthew, I'm going out tonight, can you cover for me, with Dad?" Alfred leaned against his locker smirking as a girl giggled and waved to him.
"Not tonight, I'll be studying with Gilbert. Sorry," Matthew answered, pushing past his brother to his locker
"Gilbert? What are you hanging out with that idiot for?" Alfred scoffed.
"Not hanging out, studying. His parents are paying me, our French teacher told them I was the best in class."
"Only 'cause Papa taught you," Alfred retorted before slinging his arms around his brother. " 'Sides, one night of studying won't help him much, trust me, the guy is thicker than Dad's 'soup'. Just tonight, come on!" Matthew slammed his locker.
"You say 'just tonight' every time. No, I'm going tonight," with those words he walked away.
Alfred was always using him as an excuse when it came to their stricter father. It was the only time that Alfred really acknowledged him. Other than that his brother only really talked him when at the dinner table or in the car. Then there was the rare occasion at home or at school when he was bored and mostly that was to tease him for being a 'nerd'. No one really talked to him, no one really noticed him. The teachers only knew him as that quiet kid that got perfect grades. The perfect grades he thought people would acknowledge him for, at least his parents, but no one said a word. He never even got beat up for being so smart, like in all those movies that Alfred would watch. No one saw him ever. Well, not exactly...
Matthew entered the bathroom slowly, he put his bag down by the sink and looked into the mirror. Only thirteen and he felt like nothing but a shadow. He sighed and splashed his face with water.
"Hey, Kirkland!" his head shot up in surprise at the thought of someone knowing him. He turned to find an older student before him. Ismael Villalobos, a Cuban student who he had dealt with before, as he often mistook him for Alfred, who loved to piss him off.
"Hey Ism-"
Matthew was cut off by Ismael's fist connecting with his face. This happened often and he was really beginning to hate Alfred because of it. Instead of trying to defend himself Matthew let his body fall to the floor. As his body hit the floor his head ricocheted off the floor with a hard smack.
"Ow…" he rubbed his head with his hand as he looked up at Ismael.
"Shit, sorry, Matthew," Ismael helped him up.
Matt smiled slightly at that memory, Ismael was generally his only friend. Even if they did meet by Ismael beating him up one time before realising it wasn't his brother. Usually that was how Ismael would distinguish the two, when Matt would just fall to the ground instead of fighting back. After that they ended up being really good friends. It was him who was the one to suggest leaving.
"I'm seriously sorry man. I can never tell if it's you or not," Ismael was sitting on the stone wall behind the school smoking while Matthew kicked at a rock leaning against said wall.
"Nah, it's cool… I guess… I mean I'm kinda used to it. Even at the orphanage people always mixed us up. That's why we were adopted together, our fathers didn't want to separate us. I've never been just Matthew. It was always Alfred and Matthew, or Matthew and Alfred. Now it's just Alfred and Oh-shit-you're-not-Al. I- I just want to be Matthew," by the end of his speech Matt had sunk to his knees. Ismael looked at him sadly.
"Dude that's harsh," he said as he took another drag from his cigarette.
"I want to get away from here, away from Alfred…" Matthew muttered sadly. Ismael smirked at him.
"Hey, I'm going to New York, skiving off the rest of the week, wanna come with?" he asked suddenly. Matthew stared up at him.
"I dunno, I've never really missed school and -"
"And you'll never get out of that ass's shadow unless you step forward."
That was it.
He met up with Ismael after school, didn't tell anyone, just left a note. He didn't bring any clothes either. When they arrived in the city he just stayed. Met with Ivan, who took him under his wing, much to Ismael's dismay. Yet when it came to leaving Ismael didn't bug him, telling him it was his decision. Then the fifteen year old just left. They saw each other often, but after a year he found a new dealer closer to home and less intense than Ivan. Matt never regretted his decision to stay, but he was beginning to regret that he went to the party last night.
" Should have just stayed at Eduard's crappie house" he muttered to himself.
A loud shout distracted him and cause him a pause. Why should I continue being like they remember me? I've become a new person while I've been away. Fuck being who they remember. With this thought he stretch out on the bed like he normally would while waiting for either Eduard or Toris to bail him out. He watched as Feliciano, the other, and in his mind cooler ( though that may have been just because he caused the fool to let him out a couple of times), police officer headed towards the door to the source of the noise. He could hear Feliciano talking to his Dad, but couldn't make out the words. He briefly wondered what he looked like, laying there in his Canada hoodie and a pair of Ivan's old jeans, making them far too big on him. He noted that he probably had red eyes and he knew he had brushed his teeth since last being at Kat's house, a day or two ago, which was also the last time he showered or had even changed his clothes. His hair was longer and was in a braid down to his shoulder blades, and it was darker from the dirt and grime he had most likely acquired on his adventures the night before. He smirked, hoping his dear old Daddy was ready for the shock of his life. Calmly slipping back into the completely relaxed Matt he had become he mentally prepared himself for his Dad to walk in, so he wouldn't revert to the Matthew he hated.
The two walked into the cell area and for the first time in years he saw his Dad. He still looked the same; Blonde hair: Check, Glasses: Check, Green eyes: Check, Sweater vest: Check, Slacks - not jeans: Check, Eyebrows eating half his face: Check.
What he wasn't exactly ready for was his brother to walk in behind his Dad. Alfred looked the same as he did back then. Although more jock, but Matt expected that, he had always been into sports. The loud and popular type. They both stared at him, Dad in the sense that he was seeing an angel, Alfred looking more pissed than anything. Feliciano walked to his cell and opened it up.
"Alrighty Matty, you're outta here!" he said with his peppy voice. Matt chuckled and languidly stood.
"You know Feli, I thought ol' Lu back there was kidding when he said they found my 'rents," he commented as he walked up to him. He could see Ludwig at the desk, becoming pissed when he heard Matt call him 'Lu'.
"For the last time, kid, stop calling me that."
"Aw, but it fits you! Lu! Luuu! Luuuuu!" Feliciano responded staring at Ludwig with 'doe' eyes. Matt outright laughed at the two of them. They were always like this, all the regulars knew that if they weren't together now Feliciano would seduce the German one day. Ludwig however just grumbled at the bouncing officer. Matt walked out of the cell and instead of going to talk to his family he looked around the cells to see if they caught anyone else. When he did see a familiar face he began to laugh.
"Mathias?"
Said boy looked up and glared for a minute before sighing.
"Hey Maple, what they'd get you for?"
"Not sure, I blacked out, woke up here," he shrugged, remembering a little bit of the party after Ivan arrived, like some blonde guy dragging Toris away and yelling at Ivan, and Natalya molesting her brother in ways no one should molest their sibling, but other than that he just recalled waking up.
"A building tenant called the cops after some kids tried to break into her apartment. You were so high, you tried to play tag with us, but like always the woman insisted you weren't in the group that tried to break in, so we brought you back here to sober up." Ludwig answered stiffly. Matt laughed out loud, it was how he was always caught, they'd do something stupid while drunk or high, he'd try and play games with the cops, they'd find no evidence, and really Feliciano and Ludwig were really the only cops that remembered him, mainly because of his habit of tricking Feliciano and Ludwig being the hard ass who was determined to either get him in jail or get him to clean up, anything that was off the streets. Arthur looked back and forth from the officers to his son in concern, wondering just what Matt had got himself into over the past three years.
"Any body play with me?" he asked smoothly.
"I did!" Feliciano shouted bouncing around, waving his arm in the air.
"See this is why you're my pal Feli!" he threw his arm around the officer. "So tell me, what's my other buddy in here for?"
"Oh, him? Nothing really, we got a call about a drunk kid wandering around Central Park singing loudly and throwing paper balls at people. Found him next to the cutest duck, he was all like, 'Qua-"
"Yea that's cute Feli, but we can let him go now right?"
"Uh, well yea! I guess we can! Right Ludwig?" he turned to the blonde who only nodded. Feliciano went to let Mathias out when he heard his Dad's voice clearly for the first time.
"Wait! Doesn't he need parents to let him out?" he asked incredulously.
"Most of these guys don't have parents, Mattie was the first one we found the parents of in quite a few months" Feliciano responded sadly, as he opened the door and Mikkel walked out.
"Right, thanks. See ya later, Maple. You going to the game tomorrow?" Mathias asked, referring to the basketball game they played once a week. Generally everyone from their group went, even if they didn't play, and generally they ended up shit faced by the end of it.
"Yea, I dunno, hopefully." Matt responded, glancing at his Dad, who was glaring at Mathias. "Then again, maybe not"
Mathias just nodded and walked out the door. Matt turned back to the officers and his family.
"So am I required to leave with them, or now that they're here, can I leave on my own?" he asked.
"No, you have to leave with them. We know who you are now, Matthew, you should go back with them." Ludwig said finished with his paper work and now walking to join them. Feliciano nodded and grabbed Matt's shoulder.
"Aren't you sick of this Mattie? Aren't you tired of sitting in jail every few weeks not remembering what you did the night before. I like you Mattie, you're a nice kid, too nice for this place. Go home, be with a family that loves you," he said softly, looking into Matt's eyes.
"Love, sure like that lot knows anything about love," he responded scathingly glaring at the two staring at him, not caring if they heard him or not.
"Like it or not you're coming home with us. I've spent too much time looking for you to let you leave now," his father's tone startled him. He'd only ever heard that tone when directed at Alfred, never at him. It was the 'you're-in-trouble-and-how-dare-you-let-me-worry-about-you' tone.
"Dad…" he started before lamely trailing off. He looked back at the officers before shrugging Feliciano's hands off of him. He trailed over to Ludwig and signed his release document before leaning against the wall.
"Fine, I'll go home, but don't expect anything," Matt looked at his father defiantly. This was never the way I wanted to go home. I wanted… I dunno… maybe him to cry and beg me. To make it look like I had made an emotional affect by leaving, not just a legal and social one. Just making him and Papa look bad. Arthur walked over to Ludwig and signed the papers before turning back to Matt.
"Let's go home."
"Yea, sure. Whatever," he responded, not even looking at his father, instead focusing on the floor. Which was making him open for an attack from Feliciano. He stared into the light blue shoulder pressed to his face.
"Be good, and don't visit any more! Unless you're walking in the front, with, ya know, no handcuffs!" the officer continued to hug him tightly. Matt hugged back, feeling closer to the officer than he ever had to the father behind him. After they separated Matt looked up at him.
"And, uh, thanks for always, uh, getting me out of trouble, and uh… all the pasta," he said awkwardly before turning to Ludwig. He offered his hand to the German, as they shook hands he spoke to him.
"I know you actually kind of hate how you could never charge me, but thanks for the… warm, and less smelly place to sleep for the night, I uh guess."
"I don't want to see you back in here okay, kid?" Ludwig released his hand and he turned back to his father, who looked almost startled at the affection he showed the police officers. It was understandable, as he had done nothing but regard his father coldly, or simply ignore him since the minute he walked in. Instead of saying anything however, he just raised his eyebrow. Arthur just shook his head and walked out the door, with Alfred following shortly behind. As they passed through security and out to the front lobby they were silent. When they got out side he saw his father's little Mercury sitting by the sidewalk. He smirked, knowing that the house was probably exactly the same as well.
The car ride was mostly silent, only time they really talked was when his father refused to start the car until Matt put his seat belt on. The fight didn't last long with Matt's headache making him give in and put that damned thing on. On the ride home Matt was getting nauseous from watching the trees go by faster than he was used to, mixed with his hangover. His father continued to say nothing and his brother just listened to his head phones.
"One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small,
And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all.
Go ask Alice
When she's ten feet tall."
Matt looked down at his pants in shock, before remembering that his cell phone was in his pocket and the I.D. ring-tone had begun to repeat itself. He pulled it out and answered it.
"Yo, Kitty Kat."
"Maple? I just talked to Mathias, he said your 'rents found you. This true?"
Matt sighed.
"Yea, it's true. Tell you what, use some of the cash I left at your place to pay back Ivan."
"You sure, aren't you coming back?"
"I dunno yet. But if I do, you can pay me back by letting me sleep on your couch for a good year or so, kay? And hey, do you know what he gave me? I tried to play tag with Officer Feli, again..."
He heard Kat laugh on the other end of the line.
"I heard he was passing out some ruffies last night, but if that's all you did, then I dunno…"
"Well, that's all I was told about, maybe someone who didn't have as much as me will phone one of us to tell the gory details. I hope I don't have another tattoo. Oofmg-"
His father slammed on the brakes for a second before continuing driving at a normal speed. Matt was enjoying the look of horror that had passed over his father's face, but also slightly happy that he had listened to his father and put the belt on. The pinch across the chest didn't hurt nearly as much as his face meeting the headrest would have been. Alfred however took out his head phones and turned to their father.
"What the hell, Dad?"
Instead of responding Arthur kept driving and shook his head, so Alfred turned to look at Matt, who smiled at him.
"You okay?"
"Yea, I think I gave my dad an aneurism though, he slammed on the brakes when I mentioned my tattoo."
Kat laughed again and Alfred eyes widened.
"Oh, well I thought you liked your tatt."
"I like it, I just wish I not only been sober when I got it, so I could recall where I got it, they did good really, I know how much I move when I'm fucked up and the thing looks great. But I also wish I had known who paid. I had all my money at the end of the night, I've always been afraid it was Ivan"
"Why are afraid he paid?"
"You know as well as I do that if he paid, some where on my body the words Property of Ivan is tattooed. I dunno about you, but the thought of having your brother's name on me forever isn't exactly my dream goal."
Alfred stared at Matt in slight horror before slowly turning back to face front.
"Good point. Well, if I hear anything I'll call, or if you find any tattoos call me. I'm gonna miss ya Matt."
"Yea, I'll miss you too Kat."
"Love ya!"
"Love ya too."
With a sigh he hung up the phone, he really wished he had had more time to say good bye to his friends. After he put the phone back in his pocket he laid his head back and willed himself to sleep.
A/N: So there it is. I don't normally ask for reviews, but I really would love to know if I should continue. Like I said a lot of this is based on personal, so if you don't like it, please be nice about tell me why it's bad. Of course please tell me why you hated it if you did, but please be nice? Yes? Ok!
Have a great day! Thanks for reading! And hopefully reviewing!