Ten
feet behind
Intro
Have you every woke up one morning, with the sunrays softly sneaking through your window, hearing the birds chirping happily outside, smelling the freshly brewed coffee coming from your kitchen and thought to yourself, god… what a beautiful day?
That should've been my first thought this morning as I stepped out into my balcony, feeling the fresh breeze cooling my skin as I stared into the sunny California skies. I spotted a couple of surfers making their way across the beach, eagerly jogging as they held on to their boards. I glanced down at my watch; 7:00 am. Had it been any other day, I would've probably joined them. But as I sipped onto my coffee, feeling the bitter taste linger on my tongue, I knew this was not like any other day. In fact, it was the most dreadful day of my life. One I would give anything for it to be a dream.
A sudden sound startles me and rapidly I'm thrown back into reality. A familiar melody is heard being played on a piano near by and I feel my heart start beating faster. I shut my eyes tightly and clench my fist, hoping it would be 7 am and I'd be in my apartment again, drinking coffee and watching surfers riding waves. But my hopes eventually died, when I open my eyes again and find myself in the same place I've been for the last fifteen minutes. I see large wooden doors open and everything starts spinning, my pulse quickens and there's a loud thumping noise inside my head. I wanna run away. So my eyes desperately seek for a way out where I'd go unnoticed. But I fail to do so, as a mass of people turn their heads in the direction of the opening door, and I sit frozen. And my vision gets blurred.
And it all stops.
My heart stops.
Except it really doesn't, its just beating extremely low and everything seems to move in slow motion. Then my eyes land on the one person I did not want to see walking through those doors. The one person I was hoping I wouldn't see at all today.
But I do.
And she's standing right there. And my breath hitches, and then I swear I stopped breathing. Cause she's walking and she's looking more beautiful than I had ever seen her.
Her blue eyes are twinkling with an excitement I hadn't seen in a long time, and her smile… oh, god her smile. She's heading towards my direction, eyes fixed ahead and I swear I feel the soft fabric of her white dress brush my skin as she walks past me. A familiar scent washes over me and it all becomes a little too much for me to handle.
As my eyes linger on the flower trail left behind her, I begin to wonder what I was even doing here. Why did I bother to show up? But then, I know the answer. It's as clear as the tears threatening to leave my eyes. I was hoping for a miracle.
Somehow, after all this time I still held a little light of hope inside me, even after finding out she was getting married. I was somehow hoping she wouldn't come through with it. I was wishing for those wooden doors where she emerged from, never had to open. I had hoped in a crazy, fantasy like way, she would go back on her word at the last minute and run off from the church and tell me to go with her. And I would have. Cause that's how much I love her.
But those hopes die out as she reaches the altar and faces the man waiting patiently for her with love written all over his face. The man that was soon gonna be her husband.
I cringe at that word.
Without much hesitation I get up from my seat, not caring for the looks my friends were giving me. I take my purse and excuse myself to the back door.
Once outside, I let out a heave breath I didn't know I was holding. I look at the sky again… it was still a beautiful day. Everything was so calm, so peaceful, so perfect. I shake my head as I look inside my purse for my Marlboros. Lighting up my cigarette I look back at the church. The doors are closed now, and that's a good thing. I'm not planning on going back anyway. I don't think I can handle watching the love of my life making promises of forever to someone else. Someone that wasn't me.
There's a sharp pain in my heart and I can feel my body shaking. I'm standing ten feet behind from where she's getting married and there's nothing I can do about it. I feel the tears now, running down, damping my features, staining my dress. It's finally hitting me that I really lost her, and there's nothing I can do to change that.
I'm ten feet late.