This is just an idea I had about Rumple deciding not to heal himself again. I have no idea if he keeps the limp in 4b, but I would like it if he did, since the limp is a symbol of the mistakes he's made and I think keeping it would be a very telling hint about how he feels about what he's done. If he kept it, it would be a sign of humility and an acknowledgement that what he did with the hat was a mistake.
Once Upon a Time is the property of Adam, Eddy, and ABC: I will put everything back where I found it.
Penance
Cruella watches as Rumplestiltskin holds up the walking stick he's been using and waves his hand over it. It turns from a plain old round-handled cane into a polished black cane with a gold handle.
She frowns. 'Why not get rid of the limp altogether?' she wonders. 'You have magic again: surely such a thing would be easy for you.'
'Yes,' he agrees.
'Then why–'
'That's my business, dearie,' he snaps, his tone clearly saying that he's not going to share his reasons with her.
Cruella, wisely, leaves it alone.
0
The pain of each heavy step on his right side is a constant reminder. You failed, the pain tells him: you thought you could change, but it wasn't that easy. You still couldn't resist the temptation, still couldn't resist power, still couldn't resist choosing yourself over someone else.
The pain reminds him that he fell back into old habits: made the same old mistakes. The pain is his past, his collection of wrong choices, his regrets. The pain is a reminder of promises broken and lies told. The pain is a reminder of the pain he's caused and the betrayals he's committed. The pain reminds him of the man he thought he'd left behind, but never really had. The pain reminds him of love lost and the happy ending he can never have.
The pain warns him not to make excuses. It tells him not to seek or expect forgiveness. It requires him to accept the consequences of what he's done. It tells him to be humble and to remember what his choices have led him to.
The pain tells him that he can't undo what he did wrong: that there are no easy fixes.
But the pain also helps him remember not to make the old mistakes again. He bears it because he wants to learn from those mistakes and truly be better. He chooses not to heal himself because he doesn't want a quick fix. He's realised that he needs the reminders and the warnings that the pain gives him: he needs to bear the burden of his choices and his mistakes, because only then might it be possible for him to learn from them.
The pain is his penance, but it's also his promise to be better. He's caused so much pain. Bae gave his life for him and Belle gave him her love, and he cheapened both of those things by the choices he made. He can never fix that: never take back those betrayals, but he can try to give them both something good now.
That's why he's here. Cruella and her fellow Queens of Darkness think he's after his happy ending like them, but that's not the case. He doesn't care about a happy ending for him: he knows he doesn't deserve one after what he's done. Belle does deserve one, though, and so does Henry. If he can ensure that Bae's son and Belle have happiness: if he can do such a truly unselfish thing for them, perhaps it's a sign that he can change: that there is goodness in him after all.
Thanks for reading :)