When you believe
Prologue
The day before:
Trough the glass I could see the stars, up high, in the sky. Since 5 months, that I couldn't do anything else, but look at the stars when the nigh fell and try to tell between on day and the other if anything in the sky had changed, if the stars would still be in the same place. If in any of them, the light would go out just like that.
But I couldn't, or probably I just didn't want to. I felt too sacred. I didn't show it. For my mum. I tried to think positive, and I could, most of the time.
Because life is scary and you can't do anything else but accept what the hell hits you in the day.
My mum would cry sometimes in the bathroom, she didn't want me to see it. But I knew it. I might be blond, but I knew my mum. Every night she will put up this happy face, hopefull, and make a comfortable conversation about how our lives would turn out after that, because I would survive, and about 1 hour later, breakup in tears. I guess it was her way of handling it. Well my way, was pretending that nothing happened, I don't know which one was the worse, see as it is and be scared as shit, or see it, put pretend as it wasn't there. At least, my way, I could make trough the day without making myself a rag.
The bathroom door opened, my mum came out, her eyes were kind of red. She had been crying.
"Mum…" I said.
My mum soot at the couch
"Mum, if you need a distraction, let's walk, or go downstairs, with aunt Mary."
"You know I don't stand aunt Mary."
"For me…?" It was unfair, but I though that if I could bring the family a bit more together.
My mum never liked Mary, uncle's Charlie's wife. They always had fought and I had started to think that they always would.
"Layla." She looked at me, with a don't do that to me kind of expression.
"Ok then… Let's just stay here, and…" I leaned forward press the on botton of the radio, music started playing "Listen to some music". I leaned back, and looked at my mum. "Talk…" I smiled.
The song that was playing was Silent Lucidity from Queensryche. There's a place I like to hide
A doorway that I run through in the night
Relax child, you were there
But only didn't realize and you were scared
It's a place where you will learn
To face your fears, retrace the years
And ride the whims of your mind
Commanding in another world
Suddenly you hear and see
This magic new dimension
We talked. Talked about the day that was coming, I didn't want to, but. My mum did.
"It's going to be tomorrow. I can feel it."
"Mum." I smiled. "Thanks for not quitting on me." I was starting to get emotional.
"Don't lose faith Layla, don't lose faith."
"I know Mum. I won't"
I didn't tell her that, but I though that I had more faith than her, she was just trying to relax.
"Tomorrow, is going to be you my sweetheart. It has to be." I didn't say anything, just because we had had that talk over and over, and I always said the same thing. "We saw so many doctors…" Her eyes started to tear. "This is our only chance." She looked at me. "It's our sixth time, tomorrow" She said slowly, putting a bit of emphasis on the sixth.
I was getting tired o hearing that. And I started to think that she was more worried about her, and her sadness than me. My though was shellfish and like I said I was tired and after hearing the same thing. In my head I asked for forgiveness, God please forgive me.
I had always been a religious person, all my life, I think more by influence that for choice, but never really believed in God, not that I doubted that He existed but for lack of prove, well I was glad that since 2 years ago since my dad died, I started to pray more, and the feeling that something bigger existed started to grow deeper.