The Devil and Peter Griffin:
Peter Griffin is desperate and stupid enough to sell his soul to the devil in exchange for a delicious chicken wing in one scary story of Family Guy. Guest staring: Kick Buttowski as the devil.
Lois: It seems today
That all you see
Is violence in movies
And sex on TV
Peter: But where are those good ol' fashioned values…
All: On which we used to rely?
Lucky there's a family guy!
Lucky there's a man who
Positively can do
All the things to make us…
Stewie: Laugh and cry!
All: He's a Family Guy!
It was a typical day in Quahog at the Griffin resident. Chris and Peter were as usual watching TV, Lois is cooking some dinner, Brian and Stewie are in another epic adventure while Meg is still in her room, wishing for softer voices in her head due to her being the black sheep of this town.
"I'm hungry!" Peter whined like a spoiled brat. "Lois, can I have something to eat?"
"No Peter you need to lose some weight," Lois replied firmly. "You'll just have to wait 'til dinner like everyone else."
"But I'm hungry."
"Well I don't care Peter. The doctor said you need to lose a lot of weight and you're going to do that till you've lost a lot a weight. Remember what happened to Mr. Vickle when he ate too much meat from the Old Country?"
Cutaway
Mr. Vickle is eating too much meat from the Old Country at the BattleSnax that he's gotten himself a heart attack. Magnus, Helga and Gunther were panicking like mad chickens in the pen.
Cutaway's end
"So?" Peter spoke again. "The Viking was all a bunch of fat German people anyway."
"How can you be so retarded?" Meg yelled at Peter. "Not all Vikings are fat!"
"Well have you seen the Magnusons? I bet they're all fat."
"They're not fat and they're more muscular and smarter than you'll ever be."
"Shut up Meg."
Because of that, Meg punches Peter in the groin and went up to her room.
"Prison bitch." Peter muttered before passing out.
()()()()()
Later, Peter is at work at the Pawtucket Brewery in the shipping department. His mind is filled with delicious food, but he could not get one due to Lois putting him on a strict diet.
"I'd do anything to have a juicy chicken wing," Peter cried. "By god I would sell my soul to eat the juicy chicken wing!"
Then all of a sudden, a red smoke emerges from the ground which made Peter cover his eyes to avoid getting blind. When the smoke clears, all Peter saw was a 13-year old boy who wore a black jumpsuit with red stripes around the elbow area, red boots and gloves, a black helmet with a red stripe and a blood red cape.
"That can be arranged." the boy replied.
"Kick Buttowski?" Peter Griffin asked childishly. "You're the devil?"
"It's always the one you least suspect. Now many people offer to sell their souls without reflecting on the grave ramifications-"
"Do you have a chicken wing or not?"
"Coming right up."
Kick snaps his fingers and a contract appears before Peter. The burning pen also appears.
"Just sign here." Kick said to Peter. "And be careful. It's a hot pen."
Peter grabs the pen and signs the contract. Then, the contract disappears and a juicy chicken wing appears. Peter greedily grabs it and eats away with the wing.
"Remember," Kick spoke. "The instant you finish it, I own your soul for-"
"Wait," Peter said through a full mouth. "If I don't clean off that bone, you don't get my soul, do you?"
"Well no, but-"
"HA! I'm smarter than the devil! I'm smarter than the devil!"
But Kick doesn't like Peter's gloating that he transforms into a fearsome beast.
"YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME PETER GRIFFIN!"
"AHH!" Peter cried.
"I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL YET!"
Kick then disappears back into the ground in a ball of flame, but Peter isn't worried as he placed the unfinished chicken wing in his pockets.
"Not likely. Heh-heh-heh-heh."
()()()()()
But one night at the Griffin resident, Peter sleepwalks into the kitchen for a midnight snack. He opens the fridge and his eyes were caught on the unfinished chicken wing. Despite all the signs warning him not to eat it, Peter finished the chicken wing and tosses it into the garbage.
"That forbidden chicken wing is so good," Peter mumbled. "Even better than that frozen yogurt."
Cutaway
Peter whines as he ate a frozen yogurt.
"AHH! It burns!" Peter cried.
Cutaway Ends
But the minute Peter swallows the meat, Kick appears.
"Well, well, well," Kick sneered evilly like the devil. "Finishing something?"
Peter turns around and saw Kick who looked more confident than ever.
"AHH!" Peter screams as the hole of fire appears in the kitchen floor, trying to suck Peter in it as Lois enters the kitchen.
"Peter did you eat that chicken wing?" Lois asked Peter.
"No," Peter lied as Peter finally gets drawn in, but gets stuck halfway do to his weight.
"Your wide ass won't save you this time!" Kick warns Peter.
As Kick was about to strike Peter to hell, he notices Chris, Stewie, Brian and Meg entering the room as well.
"Hi Meg," Kick said to Meg.
"Hey," Meg replied deeply.
"Wait!" Brian spoke. "Doesn't Peter have the right to a fair trial?"
"Ooh you Americans with your due process and fair trials!" Kick cried. "This is always so much easier in Mexico!"
Cutaway
A group of Mexican women are being arrested by the cops and are without a fair trial.
"Why can't we have a fair trial?" one Mexican woman asked.
"We are not Americans," the police said. "We have no due process and fair trials here."
"It's not fair!"
"Life's not fair. Get used to it!"
Cutaway Ends
"Alright," Kick spoke. "We shall have the trial tomorrow at the stroke of midnight!"
Then Kick turns to Peter.
"Until then, you shall spend the day in Hell!"
Kick's trident turns into a plunger and forces Peter's mass down through the floor and he is plunged into the fiery abyss.
()()()()()
Peter screams as he falls down to hell and lands, belly first at the bottom on a conveyer belt.
"This isn't so bad," Peter said confidently.
"That's what you think," replied a bulky demon as he chops Peter into pieces with a machete. His body parts are not put into the Hot Dog Meat bin.
Later, Peter's head was placed on a shell along with the other heads without their bodies. A demon picks Peter's head and grips it so tight. He rolls it down an alley as Peter's head screams for mercy until it hits the spiked pins and breaks open, revealing a note that says.
IOU one useless brain,
Signed God
Back at the Griffin resident, Lois looks at the phone book for lawyers, but with no luck.
"There's go to be someone who can help us win the trial," Lois cried. "Peter doesn't stand a chance against the devil."
"Relax Mom," Meg said. "Dad's got what he deserves for being a selfish bastard."
"How can you say that to your father?"
"Well for one, he's abusive, neglectful and cares only about himself."
"Well it's true but you and your brothers need him. He's your father."
"So that he can fart on my face again and tell me to shut up? I don't think so."
"Meg-"
But Meg ignores Lois as she walks up to her room. Lois, Chris, Brian and Stewie then resume on their search for a lawyer.
()()()()()
Back in Hell, Peter is strapped to a chair with mountains of chicken wings all around while a bloated demon went closet to Peter.
"So you like chicken wings eh?" the demon queries.
"Yes." Peter answered uncertainly.
"Well now, have all the chicken wings in the world!"
The metallic machine monstrosity starts cramming chicken wings towards Peter's mouth by fours. Eagerly, Peter devours them. A few hours later, the machine still works overtime and Peter had become a grotesque blob, but his relentless masticatory pace hasn't slowed. There are almost no wings left in the room and the bloated demon is confused.
"I don't understand it. He went mad in fifteen minutes!"
()()()()()
Back at the Griffin resident, the clock strikes twelve and Peter appears through the floor in a cage made of fire.
"Are you okay Peter?" Lois asked.
"I'm fine Lois," Peter replied. "Hell wasn't so bad once you get to know it."
"That's what you think Peter," said Kick who appears for the trial.
A fiery star burns its way into the floor and up through it, the Grim Reaper appears on the bench and raps his gavel.
"Hear Ye, Hear Ye." The Grim Reaper cried. "The Court of Infernal Affairs is now in session,"
"Now some ground rules for this," Meg spoke. "Number one, no one is to insult anyone in this trial. No matter how ugly or fat they are."
"Shut up Meg," Peter cried.
"I agree with Meg," Kick replied to Peter. "Number two, the jury will be chosen by me."
"Agreed," Lois said. "No wait-"
"SILENCE!"
Kick now introduces the members of the jury.
"I give you the Jury of the Awesomeness," Kick said. "Walt Disney, Max Fleisher, Tex Avery, Friz Freleng, Dave DePatie, Chuck Jones, Ub Iwerks, Seth MacFarlane, Matt Groening, Scott Fellows, Sandro Corsaro."
"Where's the 12th member?" Lois asked Kick.
"That 12th member would b Meg," Kick replied as Meg walks up to the other members of the jury.
"Meg's one of the jury?" Peter questioned as he saw Meg sitting beside Sandro. "We'll win for sure."
"That's depends if I say you're innocent or not fatass," Meg replied emotionless.
"No fair!"
"Life's not fair. Get used to it."
"Well we have a lawyer," Lois replied. "Quagmire."
"Giddity-giddity!" Quagmire muttered as he makes his appearance.
Kick starts with his case against Peter.
"I hold here a contract between myself and one Peter Griffin pledging me his soul for a chicken wing - which I delivered!" Kick said. "But I simply ask for what is mine."
"That was a giddity speech little boy," Quagmire said cockily. "But may I ask you this O prince of darkness?"
"Ask away."
"What is a contract? I define it as an agreement under the law which is unbreakable."
The jury eyed him.
"Which is unbreakable!"
The jury still eyed him.
"Umm ... I gotta go now. I have a date to attend to."
Quagmire ran out of the door like a madman and never came back.
"Well what does the jury have to say for Peter Griffin?" Grim Reaper asked.
"Guilty," said 11 members but Meg kept quiet.
"Well Meg?" Lois asked. "Is your father guilty or not guilty?"
"He's..." Meg tries to speak but couldn't find her words. "He's..."
"Just answer already!" Peter whined. "If you say I'm not guilty, I'll treat you like a princess for the rest of your life."
Meg thought for a moment, but then turned it down.
"Your honour," Meg spoke. "I find Peter Griffin guilty. Not only does he try to scam out of his deal with the devil, but for all the crimes he did in the past which went unreported. Therefore, he's guilty of everything."
"I agree," Grim Reaper replied before turning to Peter. "Peter Griffin, I sentence you to an eterniny in Hell with no chance of parole."
"Wait!" Lois cried as she held up a photo of her wedding. "There's something you should know about this case. Read the back of the photo."
Seth grabs the photo and reads aloud.
Dear Lois,
You have given me your hand in marriage despite what your father said about me. All I can give you in return is my soul which I pledge to you forever since I'm goddamn broke.
With love,
Peter Griffin
"Your honour," Walt Disney spoke. "We members of the jury find that Peter Griffin's soul is legally the property of Lois Griffin and not of the devil."
"Biscuits," Kick muttered as the judge and the jury (except Meg) disappear in a puff.
The Griffins cheer as Peter was released from the trial. But Kick is still determined and angry.
"You may have won this round Peter," Kick said angrily. "You've gotten your soul back. But let that ill-gotten chicken wing be forever on your head!"
Peter screams as Kick zaps at him multiple times until morning comes.
Morning came as the entire family ate breakfast, but Peter is very interested in eating his head in the form of a giant chicken wing.
"Stop eating your head Peter!" Lois yelled as Peter.
"But I'm so tasty," Peter whined.
"I don't care."
"Well," Peter said as he looks at his watch. "Time to go to work."
"I don't think this is a good idea Dad," Chris warned.
()()()()()
Outside the Griffin house, a large group of dogs are circling around the house, waiting to eat Peter's head off because of the tasty meat.
()()()()()
"Well this thing's not gonna rot for a while."
Peter eyed Meg.
"Hey Meg," Peter spoke. "If you let me fart on your face for the rest of your life, I'll let you eat a chuck of meat out of me anytime you want."
"Shut up Peter," Meg replied emotionlessly.