a.n: okay, so not only is this my first Bleach fanfic, this is my first attempt at this pairing, so I really hope you all like it!!

oh, and as for those wondering about my other stories... I've hit a block, but I'm working through it and promise that I haven't dropped them or anything of the sort!!

rated R / M for: yaoi (male/male sex), language

some spoilers for the Bleach arrancar arc!

pairing: grimmjow/ulquiorra

Grimmjow POV

It's been five days, five long days, since Tousen cut off my arm. The damned man must have had a lot of nerve, but then again those in the lap of Aizen really have nothing to fear. The Espada won't even look my way now, especially not since Aizen cut away the mark that made me their equal, only to put it on that priss Luppi. I can't figure out whether they see me as something below them now, or whether they've always believed it and now they just have a good excuse to act it out. Not that I care. I don't need their approval when I know my own strength.

And since my strength is the only thing that I can take solitude in, I've taken solitude in it well. Training has become my life, learning to fight as efficiently with one arm as if I still had two. Proving my worth. Despite the jeers from the weakest of the weak, the ones that I used to hit just for looking at me, I know I have the strength to be just as good now as I once was. I look up as a group of the Espada pass by outside the door. They know I'm here, they aren't stupid, I know they can sense me as easily as I can sense them. The only one that bothers to look over at me, though, is that bastard Luppi, and he only does so to stick his tongue out at me and grin triumphantly. I spit in his direction and that only widens his grin as they move on.

"Bastard," I mumble.

I turn and continue my normal regimen for training, going for twice as long as I ever have before. My arm feels ready to break off, but with assurance that I know it won't, I continue.

Just then a voice breaks through my thoughts from the doorway, "Pride."

I know the voice well, and I even have an idea what the stoic word means, but I feel that one stupid word slip from my mouth any ways, "What?"

"It's what you're suffering from, or lack there of it, at least," I turn to that sad, pale face and growl.

I feel the sneer pull across my features, "How dare you – "

He cuts me off as I approach him, "Need I remind you of your place, garbage?"

My hand reaches out and crushes his throat, I know that he could easily pull away, but he stays perfectly calm, which enrages me all the more, "Just because I was demoted – "

Again he cuts me off, "I thought lowly of you for quite a long time before you ever got demoted former Sexta Espada Grimmjow Jaggerjack." With this he takes my hand easily with one of his and pries it from his throat, using his other hand to reverse the position. I try to fight against his hand but with very little experience fighting another person with only one arm I'm soon reduced to thrashing like a wild animal, which I know, while better than nothing, only reiterates the point that he has come here to make.

As I go still I thrust my head to one side, unable to look him in those calm eyes for a second longer and grumble, "What did you come here for, any ways? Certainly not just to make a fool out of me."

"As a matter of fact," he releases me and I allow my hand to move to my throat before looking over at him as he continues, "I'm waiting here for Yammy so we can train."

I laugh, coldly, "As if you need it."

"I have no intention of harming you, Grimmjow, but if you refuse to leave I'm afraid that I will be forced to make you do so," he states simply.

"Why can't you just wait until Yammy actually shows up?" I growl and with that return to my practicing.

It isn't long before Ulquiorra has locked my arm behind me and holds me against the wall, the remnants of my hollow mask scraping the rough texture from where many bodies falling against it have broken away pieces. I try to free myself, but when I feel his smaller body press up against mine and his breath whisper across my ear my body freezes. His reiatsu is so thick that I feel I could choke on it, and he just moves closer as if with this knowledge, as if he wants me to suffer under the pressure of his sheer spiritual strength.

"Why are you always so determined to disobey the simplest of orders, Grimmjow?" he almost whispers into my ear. I no longer can find the strength in myself to keep breathing, it's become too much of a labor. He pulls back, as if reading my thoughts, and orders, "Breathe."

I cough in a breath, turning slowly as I'm released from his grasp and looking into those piercing green eyes as he watches me with an intent gaze. I don't understand why he's watching me so closely until I remember the question he asked, and realize that he really expects an answer. "Would you believe me if I told you that I just like to?"

"Does it arouse you?" he asks blatantly, enough to have my eyes widen noticeably at him. He never passed me as a virgin, what with being Aizen's favorite and especially after having caught the eye of Gin, but to be so open about it is totally unexpected.

"Of course not," I growl, narrowing my eyes as he approaches.

If what he asked before shocked me what he does next is off the scales when it comes to surprising. I feel his body slide against mine, the warmth of him a weight against the cool sweat that has been pouring off of me for the last hour or so. Before I can wallow in the heat though, I feel his lips against mine in a quick kiss. But he doesn't pull back, not Ulquiorra, instead he just sits there, lips pressed to my own, his eyes locked on mine, those green orbs with those soft lines tracing down his face making him look like he's always crying. I don't know what I can do except melt at the touch of lips, which I haven't felt for five days. Before that I could easily find gratification in the others, they would all listen to me without question, at least those numbered below me, but in the last five days everything has been denied to me.

When he does move back I can't stop the choked sound that escapes through my throat and it almost seems to make him react, almost.

"Is it really that simple for someone to arouse you, Grimmjow," he asks after a painfully long silence, "or is it just that you're desperate now that nobody wants you?"

I whimper as he moves teasingly close to my lips again, centimeters away from touching my lips with his once more, centimeters away from that warmth. When he starts to move back I find my body betraying me and moving closer, using my arm to pull him against me and forcing my lips onto his. He doesn't react, he doesn't even close his eyes as my lips ravage his, but by now I don't care. He's pushed me too far after I've gone too long without this, without something.

When my tongue pushes its way into his mouth his eyes finally slip closed and I have my small victory as my eyes close as well. I wallow in the experience that I've been missing for too long now and find my body craving much more than what Ulquiorra is giving.

I push him to the ground then, not bothering to make the journey easier, not able to with only one arm, but he doesn't seem to care as he watches me with those empty eyes uncaringly. I undo my hakama and quickly undo his as well, doing a terribly messy job and not caring. This is all about the gratification, nothing else. It doesn't even matter that it's with the one person that I loathe most. In fact that's what makes it all the more satisfying.

He willingly turns over and I know now for sure that he's done this before. He seems all too comfortable with the procedure, and knowing this I take little care in making sure he's comfortable. A little saliva for lubrication, a little stretching just to make sure I don't break Aizen's toy, and I penetrate with unheeded speed. For the first time I see an emotion cross that perfectly stoic face. It's only a wince, but it's something.

I grunt as I find a pace fast enough for me, but not too fast, wanting to draw out the fact that I can take something from the man that allowed me to be crippled, that took away the only status I had here, that allowed me to become a ridiculed mess. I growl and thrust all the more roughly, knowing that Ulquiorra's body can take it and caring about nothing else. I feel his blood start to make things go smoother, dripping down along my body, mixing with sweat and I'm sure stinging the wounds all the more. I feel the wound on my back protest from all the rough muscle movement beneath it, but I ignore everything but the task at hand.

Eventually I find it in myself to reach around Ulquiorra and I find his erection, small, but growing, and I grasp it. He moans then, not a long sound like a normal moan would be, but another reaction that I've been able to tear from him. I pump along with the pace that I've set and feel his body start to rock against my hand.

"So…" I pant, "even the… great Ul – nn – Ulquiorra can find pleasure… in this?" And that makes me laugh.

He doesn't answer, just continues to thrust against my hand as I'm drawn ever closer to the edge. When I feel him finally tighten, preparing to break and finally tumbling over the edge I find strength enough in me as his essence coats my hand to pump twice more into that wonderfully tight space before breaking over the edge as well.

Sated and content, I wrench my grasp from his shrinking member and allow myself to slump off of him, panting but happy. He looks over at me with eyes that are slowly loosing the glaze of orgasm and returning to their normal stoic appearance. He quickly does up his hakama as I do up my own, his ruined and mine just soaked in sweat, no different from before.

He stands and manages to do so quite easily, showing that he has more experience than I could have imagined, and looks down on me the way he always has, even after all of this. His voice is just as even as ever as he speaks, "So, how does it feel? You got what you wanted, didn't you? You got your few seconds of glory, but look at you. You're still no higher in ranking than you were before this, and you certainly aren't any stronger. If nothing else you just proved why you were kicked out of Espada. You just don't know what it is to listen to authority, or to be at the bottom level, you always think it's just about being on top."

With that he walks out, leaving me to my thoughts, and an empty training room.

a/n: you made it this far, please feed a starving artist with reviews!!!