Alrighty. So this little one came from midnight re-runs on Saturday night, otherwise known as "Criminal Minds night" for me and my mom. It was "The Slave of Duty" and since I had seen it enough times, I began to notice little things between Reid and JJ that I hadn't noticed before. The first time was when she had looked at him during Hotch's elougy-I blew it off, thinking meh. But then when Reid asked if Hotch would ever come back, she looked at him again. Finally, when they were on the plane and Morgan talked about their thoughts being with Hotch, she looked right at Reid again and I finally asked myself, why does she keep looking at him?

PLOT BUNNY BORN!

Perhaps I'm merely reading too much into those, but like I said, it's the first time I noticed it.

Anyway, so it veers off from the episode towards the end, but I hope you readers enjoy it nonetheless and please review.

I don't own CM and this title comes from the song "My Immortal" by Evanescence

He could feel her. Just behind and to the left of him, he felt her presence, her sorrow and her pain. He could hear her sniffling quietly and he longed to turn and take her in his arms, and dry her tears…but to do so would be to reveal his own tears, his own pain and sorrow. His tears streaked a path down his cheeks and he felt one of them drip off his chin and onto his arm, wetting the dark fabric of his jacket. He couldn't remember that last time he cried.

That was a lie.

He knew.

The last time he cried was the first moment he held Henry in his arms and wished with all his heart that he was the little boy's father.

The time before that was when he was sure he was going to die at the hands of Tobias.

And the time before that was when he had his mother committed.

Having no desire to walk down that particular lane of memories, he forced himself back to the present, where Hotch was still talking and JJ was still sniffling behind him, but not outright crying.

She was so strong

He was so strong

She had a hard time listening and focusing on Hotch because all she could think of was Spencer. Strong, silent Spence, who just hours before, had tried to be a pallbearer, even on his bad leg. He had let Will take his place in the end, but the fact that he tried, spoke volumes to her about the kind of man he had turned out to be in the four years she had known him.

She shifted in place and glanced around the cemetery. She wasn't a fan of them, and to be honest, if it wasn't for the fact that it was Haley, she wouldn't have gone. She hadn't been ok with places like this for the last two and a half years, when, for a moment, she was sure that the last time she would ever see Spence would be in a shallow grave in a small cemetery in Georgia.

Many times already, she had started to reach out for him, to touch him, to make sure he was really there, but stopped herself, finally folding her arms against her abdomen and tapping her fingers against her side in an effort to keep them busy.

He turned to the left slightly, shifting the weight off his knee and she caught a glimpse of his red eyes and the tears that streaked his handsome features. She longed to reach out and pull him to her, to hold him close and run her fingers through his hair; to dry his tears and whisper to him that everything would be alright, because they had each other.

However, the presence of Will prevented her from doing so, and the hand he had resting on her shoulder felt stifling and wrong.

She was sure that Spence's touch would be the opposite. She watched him silently and knew…she would welcome his touch.

"What do we do?" Emily asked, sounding just as lost as they all felt as she watched Dave and Hotch walk past them and out onto the veranda.

"There's nothing we can do," Derek said matter-of-factly, tapping his chin, "we just got to wait him out." In lieu of Hotch, Derek was their leader and his word was law.

After the year Hotch had already suffered through, this could possibly be the straw that broke the camel's back. Suddenly remembering Gideon, he has to ask, "Do you think he'll come back?"

JJ looked over at him, wanting to know a different answer to a question she had asked herself many times. "Would you?"

The look between them lasted barely ten seconds before she broke eye contact, but already he knew the answer. If something ever happened to her…he knew he wouldn't survive. To know that she no longer walked this earth, that Henry's mother was gone, that the woman he loved so desperately wasn't around to save him whether she knew it or not…no…he wouldn't come back.

She often wondered how she would handle Spence's death.

Not that she consciously thought about it, no, only in the extreme cases, like Georgia…as he lay lifeless on the dirty floor of the cabin, their last words running through her mind…or in New York when she didn't have a clue who's SUV had been hit and he was the last to arrive.

Would she be like Hotch…staying strong for Jack, who was too young to fully understand, that Mommy was never coming back.

Or would she be like her parents' after her sister's suicide and simply stop living altogether…going through the motions, merely existing in a world Shelby had left.

It was probably a mix of both, having to stay strong for Henry, hoping that he would know his brilliant, handsome godfather before that day arrived, but…simply going through the motions of living. One thing was for sure…she would quit the BAU. She would never be able to do her job, and go into wok everyday knowing Spence would never be there for her to tease and laugh with and love, silently, but desperately.

She wouldn't come back.

He'd quit the BAU. If the day ever came when he lost JJ in the line of duty, he would turn in his badge and gun. He wouldn't be able to go there every day and not see her beautiful face, bask in the glow of her smile and not feel her teasing, playful touches that sometimes spoke of something more powerful than friendship.

Touches that were becoming more and more frequent.

At first, he thought she was just being helpful since he was on a cane, but it was more than that. The way she wrapped an arm around his back when he had to go up the steps, she would keep her arm there longer than necessary. Her hand would linger whenever she handed him something and her smiles were a touch more teasing and…sensual in a way.

He shook his head slightly to rid himself of those particular thoughts. Especially with Will so close by.

She couldn't believe that they were being called out on a case, tonight of all nights. They had just come from a funeral for God's sake, they couldn't just abandon Hotch now, not when he needed them whether he wanted to admit it or not.

"Can you talk to Strauss, tell her to send another team." Spencer suggested softly, upset that they were having to leave.

She shook her head and lifted a hand in defeat as she read the words on her phone. "There's no other team available." She watched as he rolled his eyes and turned away. It was starting to feel like they were always the only team available, whether they liked it or not.

Still, a part of her was glad to leave the house and the depressing feel of death. She got enough of it on the job and this particular feeling of death was making her feel protective of the young genius - feel of knowing that someday, it would be one of them, one of their funerals they would be attending. As they all got up from the table and watched Derek talk to Dave and Hotch, Will snuck an arm around her waist, and like the feeling she had before at the funeral, it was stifling and unwelcomed. Still, since she couldn't have Spence…she would settle for Will.

For now.

"I understand that all of our thoughts are with Hotch, but right now I need us all to focus on this case. We have less than a day before this unsub will strike again. Let's finish this thing fast." JJ looked at Spencer, who made a face that said how he felt about Derek's statement. She couldn't speak for the others, but she knew for certain that her thoughts were ten percent on Hotch…and ninety percent on the conversation she and Spence had had in the car on their way to the hanger…

It was pretty quiet as JJ drove to the hanger with Spencer in the passenger seat. She had volunteered to take him in her car, for selfish reasons really, but now that they were going out on a case, now more than ever, she wanted to keep an eye on him.

"I don't what I would do." She wasn't surprised to hear him speak, his voice low and somehow always a little scratchy, like he just woke up. "About what?" She asked. "If I lost you." She looked at him. "Or any of the team, really," he fumbled to cover his embarrassment at his statement and the fact that he singled her out, but it was too late.

When they stopped at a red light, she looked over at him and spoke just as softly as he had. "I'd quit the BAU," he looks at her, confused.

This was it.

She pulls the car over and cups his cheek. "I'd quit the FBI, because I wouldn't be able to go to work, knowing you weren't there anymore, I just wouldn't be able to do it. I wouldn't be able to come back, Spence."

He studies her in the light coming from the street lamps, and she knows she should embarrassed or guilty for essentially admitting just how much he means to her, but she doesn't. She feels…relieved that he knows.

He finally reaches and lays his hand over the one she has on his cheeks and leans into her touch. "If something ever happens to me—"she jerks away from him, nowhere near ready to have this conversation with him, not wanting to having conversation with him, not after today. He grabs her wrists and pulls her back to him, reaching out and snagging her chin between his thumb and index finger, forcing her to face him. "Listen to me, Jennifer." He commands in a soft, but firm tone. "If something ever happens to me, I want you to be strong, do you hear me? Like you were today."

"It was easy to be strong today, Spencer, it was Haley, someone I barely knew, not someone I lo—" she cuts herself off, but he knew what was going to say.

"No, you are strong no matter what, Jennifer. I want you to be that strong for me when that day comes. I want to remember all the times we spent, all the memories we share, the good and the bad I want you to remember those little moments where it feels like there's no one else in the universe but us. And I want you to know, that I will always be watching out for you and Henry." He states impassionedly.

She searches his eyes, seeing everything he wasn't saying and she knew, she knew that they had been having the same thoughts, back at the house. They had both thought about how to handle the other's death. She gently shakes her head to dislodge his grip and it's her turn to hold his face.

"No matter what happens, Spence, I want you to stand there, strong and silent. I want you to remember these moments—the ones where it's just you and me and no one else, where it's just wrong enough to feel right, where no one else would understand but us, and I want you to know that above all else, if anyone has a right to act like they lost a lover, not just a co-worker, it's you."

She presses forward and catches his lips in the kiss she had been dying to give him since the funeral, to impress upon him just how devastated she would be at his death. He returned the kiss just as passionately and she knew that when this case was over, she was breaking it off with Will.