A/N: I actually got this idea from a dream. Meaning, I dreamt this (but I was in Luna's place and there was no Mr. Lovegood). Meaning, I have weird dreams.
Disclaimer: Own nothing but the weird idea.
Empty corridors filled the mall—empty, that is, except for a few random people; and Luna was one of them. She walked at her leisure as she mentally counted the minutes she had before the muggle shopping mall closed, looking around curiously at the different closing shops and the different things each of them sold. Eventually, she came up to one that remained open—a dark store of questionable reputation. She looked inside—and was surprised to see—in the middle of the store, unhidden by the clothes that were being sold and the loud music—(could music hide people? she must ask her father)—a clerk—and the clerk was—Snape.
She walked inside of the store (named Hot Topic for a reason, even when, inside of the store, it was as cold as the rest of the mall), and looked around. She inspected the different clothing—t-shirts and pants and skirts and hats—, completely ignored by the Potions Master-gone-clerk. It was then that she found it: a curious shirt bearing the name and an image that resembled Harry Potter. She stared at it with amazement, then looked at the price, checked the few pieces of muggle money her father had given her as a unique birthday gift, and found that she had enough. Luna Lovegood smiled. When she went back to Hogwarts, everyone would see her shirt. Harry would be surprised.
The blonde went to towards her Potions professor—(or maybe ex-professor? He could have quitted his job for this, or had been fired)—and placed the Harry Potter shirt in front of him with a smile. Snape looked at it, realized what it was, and then looked at her with disgust.
"Oh, no."
Luna looked back at him, puzzled. "What to you mean, 'oh, no', sir?"
"I mean I won't sell you the shirt. Plain and simple."
Snape's defiant stare was shocking. He really didn't want tosell her the shirt. But—Luna wanted it…
She told him.
"But I want it, sir."
"Too bad."
"Why won't you sell it to me, prof— professor?" She applied the term hesitatingly. What if he wasn't her professor anymore? What if it brought him bad memories that would make him even angrier, making her loose whatever chance she had to buy the shirt?
"I don't plan on selling a Harry Potter"—he grimaced—"shirt for as long as I work here, Miss Lovegood. Now please move along and get out of my sight."
"But—professor!"
"I said get out of my sight!"
He came so close to screaming that last line that Luna thought it best to do as Snape told. She bolted out to the door, money still in hand, and went looking for someone—
A minute later, Mr. Lovegood rushed in with his daughter, a delighted expression in his face as he nearly ran towards the stack of Harry Potter t-shirts.
"Why, it is Harry Potter!" Mr. Lovegood exclaimed. "You were right, Luna! By Merlin! This must be a brand new conspiracy! Quick! Luna! Look around the shop for more!"
When it was finally closing time, Mr. Lovegood and Luna had found pencils, a book bag, two other sets of shirts and stickers bearing the Harry Potter name. Mr. Lovegood had screamed when he saw one of the shirts—an unmoving picture of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named even gave him threats that "he would lose everything"!
Between father and daughter, they managed to get all the things on the counter—all of them, except for the Voldemort shirt, for Mr. Lovegood refused to go near it.
"How much will it be?" Mr. Lovegood said with a loopy smile. The man was clearly as insane as his daughter, thought Snape. "Will"—he pulled out a few papers containing the number '100'—"this cover it? Or need I look for more? Or do the zeroes mean that this is worth less than the ones with no zeroes in it?"
Snape gave a mental sigh as he tried his best not to glare at the new mental patient. He could only use one excuse, as the manager could get out any minute now to see how he'd done. "We're closed, sir," he muttered.
"I'm sorry. What was that?" asked Mr. Loony—erm—Mr. Lovegood, thought Snape—with a big, ingenuous smile.
"I said we're closed, sir," Snape repeated, his temper building up.
"Oh! That's too bad!" Mr. Lovegood said, a dramatic gesture showing that he really thought it was too bad. Snape's mind inevitably moved to the bat he had been given earlier that week—"Just in case someone wants to start any trouble," the manager had explained with a wink—and wondered if he could use it when crazy people refused to leave too. "Well, we cannot help it. We'll simply return again tomorrow! Now, I would appreciate it if you hid those things for me—I don't want anyone else to buy it, you see—and do you not think that that shirt with the bald fellow over here"—he pointed at the shirt with Voldemort in it—"might be a little too scary for children? I swear, I merely glanced at it and"—he shuddered—"oh, but I'm sure you heard my scream."
Snape resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He needed to get Mr. Lovegood and his daughter out so he could finally get out of that infernal store—he had been listening to screaming muggles with questionable sanity on the radio ever since he arrived, his ears hurt and might be bleeding and—well, now this!
"Father is very scared of You-Know-Who, professor," Luna said in her dreamy way. Mr. Lovegood gave another loopy smile.
"Professor?" he asked. "Did my daughter say professor? So you've thought at Hogwarts, then? My dear man!"—and Snape backed away a little since it seemed Mr. Lovegood had been almost about to give him a hug—"Why! Why didn't you tell me this before? I must congratulate you! You have done such a wonderful job on my girl! What is your name?" he looked at Luna sneakily. "Could you be the Professor Lockheart every girl at Hogwarts, Luna told me, has been talking about these past years? Why—yes! You must be him! You taught my daughter her first year! We must shake hands, my friend!"
Luna looked at the space between both men dreamily and started humming with a faint smile. Snape almost reddened.
"I'm—eh—afraid I am not Mr. Lockheart… sir."
"Oh!" Mr. Lovegood said, looking actually quite shocked. Snape would have given anything to go now. "Well—might you be—Professor Flitwick, perhaps? Or Professor Lupin! Are you Professor Lupin?"
"That will be two hundred and forty five, Mr. Lovegood," Snape said irritably, not even bothering to answer. "Now please pay and go. We have been closed for almost ten minutes now."
"Oh!" Mr. Lovegood laughed. "Thank you very much, Professor Lupin! Look, Luna!"—he turned to his daughter—"Professor Lupin has been kind enough as to let us buy all these things, even though it's closed!"—turning to Snape—"Now, Professor Lupin! Could you be so kind as to put everything in their individual bag?—Now, that's it—Thank you! And look!"—laughing again—"he's doing it all manually, the muggle way! Ha ha ha! 'When in Rome' and all! But Mr. Lupin, I can't thank you enough! Now, how much did you say it was? Two hundred and forty?"
So he took out three papers with the number '100' in them and, as Snape gave him his numerous bags, tore one of the little papers in little more than a half and pocketed the rest. Snape stared. Mr. Lovegood smiled. Luna smiled. They both thanked him as they took their bags, and then they left the store. Snape did not bother calling them back as they left the store, even though they'd forgotten the receipt, or maybe simply didn't know there was supposed to be one. "Let them come again without it," thought Snape, and smirked at the stupidity of their having bought all of their shirts in their biggest size.
When the manager came, Snape quitted his job, asked him to shove all his precious Potter merchandise Merlin-knows-where, tore off the stupid name tag that said "Hello! My name is Severus Snape!" from his stupid muggle shirt, and swore that, the next time Albus asked him to be a spy, he would demand that he be more specific.
Like this? Would have changed something? Please tell me in a review:)