Chapter 1 (when Reality hits in)
Married life was never going to be easy. It doesn't matter how much you love a person or how much you'd do for them, somewhere along the line, there will be fights and arguments and this could lead to the relationship ultimately breaking. Sometimes it's for the best and even though you still love each other, the trust has gone and the compromises are no longer visible due to stubbornness and pride. Long are the days gone of when a 'sorry' could fix the mess or when you could win them over with a box of chocolates and flowers. No this time its serious and when you look into them eyes, you sense that the love they once had for you is slowly fading and despite all your best efforts, they tell you that enough is enough.
"I can't do this anymore, I just can't".
Santana was in the kitchen, desperately searching through the cabinets for the alcohol which her wife had hidden. She couldn't even give a damn that Brittany was sat on the sofas crying her eyes out. Starting to get angry when she couldn't find one bottle of vodka, she stormed in to the living room asking her wife where the fuck she had put it.
Ignoring the question, Brittany muffled through her sobs, "Did you not hear me, I said I can't do this anymore".
This time it was Santana's turn to ignore her wife's pleas. "Tell me where the fuck the alcohol is".
"Why, you just spent all night with your so called friends getting drunk, why would you want more, its bloody 3am".
"Britt, if you don't tell me where it is, I'm just going to head out to the shops, so stop mothering me and give it". She spat each word with such venom that it made her wife cry even more, but again that didn't bother the Latina.
"Are you just going to sit there and cry like a fucking softie, how about you go to sleep and just let me get my drink on".
Brittany wiped a few tears away; she glanced once at the woman to the left of her and made her way into their bedroom where she had kept the bottles. She came back out, standing in front of Santana with the alcohol.
"Here, fucking take it, kill yourself for all I care..."
Santana grabbed the bottle, quickly feeling satisfaction as soon as she felt the liquor on her tongue. She needed it, and sadly she needed it more than she needed Brittany.
"Thanks"... Santana whispered but Brittany this time wasn't about to forget her wife's actions, she decided that enough was enough.
"Two months San, for two months you've been coming home nearly every night drunk, does it not occur to you for one second that what you're doing is damaging you... damaging us".
Too drunk to say anything, the Latina could only take more sips from the bottle, which only angered Brittany more. The blonde went to sit back on the sofa, hands on her head carefully thinking about her next words.
"Sometimes when Quinn calls me telling me that you're too drunk to come home or that you've passed out somewhere, I feel ashamed... Ashamed that we even have anything to do with each other..."
This time Santana was able to speak even though her head was all over the place. "Yeah well, you knew what you would be getting when we got married".
"Please tell me you're joking, seriously San... We've been together for 5 years now, 3 of which we have been married and you were nothing like this up until recently... The Santana I used to know would protect me, love me and cherish the very ground I walked on".
Spoken like a true cold hearted person would do, "I'm not that person anymore, things have changed and maybe you need to start realizing that my life does not revolve around you every fucking day".
There were those venomous words again, the ones that went through Brittany's heart like a dagger. She closed her eyes, almost pleading with herself to not cry anymore, to not breakdown in front of her wife. She slowly got up from the sofa, moving hesitantly towards Santana.
"If that's the case, why didn't you tell me?" Brittany spoke calmly, making direct eye contact with her wife.
Confused with the question, she scrunched her brows in confusion. "Tell you what?"
"I'm your wife, so if all of a sudden you feel that your life doesn't revolve around mine, then what are we doing Santana... why are we even still together, if its alcohol that you truly want and if ruining your life is what makes you happy, then I for one don't want to be part of this picture anymore".
"I...I don't know" Santana stuttered, she badly wishes she was sober right now, her mind was finding it extremely hard to digest all this information.
"No you must know, because I sure as hell don't have any answers... Two months ago San, you lost your job and here we are present day and instead of trying to find something else and getting your life back on track, you are wasting our money on stupid shit like this". Brittany took the bottle from Santana's hand and surprisingly the Latina didn't try to fight her back for it.
"Britt... For the first time tonight, Santana looked scared, maybe she had taken things too far tonight, maybe Brittany did have a point. "Let's go to sleep, things will get better in the morning, they always do".
"Yeah that is until the next night and you decide to get drunk again... But not anymore"
Hearing the last words, Santana tried her level best to search for answers asking Brittany what she had meant, but no answers were given. "Brittany, talk to me" She pleaded.
"You told me my life doesn't revolve around you anymore... do you know how that made me feel... Remember San, you are the one who doesn't want children, yet because I fucking love you, I'm willing to cast my dreams away of having a family".
"Brittany..."
"No you don't get to say anything anymore, you've caused way too much pain, all our lives I've had to live with your bitchiness, with your orders, with the way you treated people who were slightly worse off than us but still, still I managed to see all that was good in you".
"I'll change, I'll stop drinking, please I didn't mean what I said, you know I love you, you're my whole universe". Santana again pleaded, placing quick kisses all around Brittany's face. "You can't leave me, we can get through this, I know it, it's me and you, we've faced all of life's obstacles".
Brittany just shook her head, implying that her wife was wrong. That they could not possibly face this obstacle. "When I look at you San, I don't see the woman I fell in love with all those years ago, I see a lost soul trapped inside a gloomy world that needs to get their life back on track...and that can only happen if I just let you figure things out, we need this break, look what's happening to us".
Both girls held onto each other's hands and even though Brittany wanted to really hate Santana right now, she just couldn't. Seeing those brown eyes filled with tears and fear she knew that if she did leave the Latina, then things would only get worse. She would only start drinking more and god knows what else. But she was doing this for them in the hope that their marriage would be in a better place if they separated for a while.
Brittany's words kept repeating in her head. Her wife wanted a family, her wife stood by her through all the bad things she did, her wife wanted a break. Santana couldn't quite come to grasps why Brittany leaving scared the shit out of her. For two months she had been coming home drunk, not once showing any love to her wife or making any love for that matter. But now that the consequences of her actions were starting to sink in with the thought of not having her Brittany around, well she realized just how much of the wrong she had been in.
"W-what if never make things better, what if you don't ever come back, I'm scared Britt, I need your help, please don't let me try to figure out things by myself, you're my rock, you always come to the solutions for me".
"And I'm telling you the solution, you need to get your feet on track and if I'm honest, I just need to spend a few weeks away from all this, away from you, you've really hurt me San, you can't even possibly imagine how the last few months have been for me".
Santana tensed, "Sorry, did you just say few weeks?"
"Maybe, it might even be less than that, but right now, all that matters is that you fix your life up... find another job, stop the booze and I promise Santana, I will gladly walk back into your life, with open arms... you're still my wife, and yeah we're having problems but just know that deep inside my heart, I'll always have love burning for you, always".
Santana gripped onto Brittany tightly, afraid that if she let go, she would lose her blonde for life. They hugged for a while, Brittany finally letting go, cupping Santana's cheek and whispering an 'I love you' before heading into their bedroom to pack a bag.
When she finished, she saw Santana sitting on the sofa, with a picture frame in her hand. It was taken on their wedding day and Brittany smiles through her tears as scenes of Santana proposing to her came flashing through her mind.
"Santana... I'm going to go now". She said in a timid voice, startling the Latina who was intensely starting at the picture.
"Are you sure about this Britt, I mean..."
"Yes I'm sure, I might go stay at my mum's or rent out a hotel room for tonight... just please look after yourself and don't contact me, I'll ring you when the time is right".
Santana acknowledges knowing that there really wasn't a point of trying to argue with her wife anymore. Her mouth had already caused so much mess; there was no need to dig herself deeper into the hole.
Brittany walked towards the door luggage in hand, she didn't bother kissing her wife goodbye, or even say goodbye, she just left their apartment and got into her car, as she tried to erase the memories of tonight's events from her head.
Santana felt hurt by this, to not be able to have one last kiss with her wife, to not feel her warm embrace. She wasn't sure how she was going to survive; Brittany had always kept her safe. Even during these two months when Santana would come home drunk or Brittany had to collect her from one of the bars, she always had the Latina's best interests at heart. She always put Santana first.
Just thinking of all the times Brittany had been there for her, it made Santana sick in the stomach. She must have really hurt her wife for things to become like this. And now as the truth finally started to hit her hard, she picked up that bottle of drink, the one she so desperately wanted and smashed it against the wall.
She quickly ran out of the apartment, running down the stairs, hoping that Brittany had not left yet. She looked at the place Brittany normally parked her car and it was gone. She collapsed to her knees onto the ground whispering into the cold wind, "Can you hear me Britt, please come back".