As requested by ChakiChakiGirl. Well, technically she didn't request it, but she said she would love to see me do it.
Edit: I've fixed a few grammar mistakes here and there and added another footnote.
Disclaimer: The characters of Lucky Star belong to Yoshimizu Kagami. If they belonged to me, Kagami's English voice actor would sound more like the tsundere she's supposed to be and not a narcissist (which is what I believe she sounds like).
"Ah! Thank you so much!"
"No problem, Miyuki-san," Izumi Konata replied with an airy wave of her hand. "They were right on the bench in the locker room. I just picked them up."
Tsukasa giggled and said, "I didn't even notice them until you pointed them out, Kona-chan. You must have really sharp eyes! It's probably from all those video games you play."
"Eh? Aren't those supposed to reduce your vision?" Kagami interjected.
The four girls were eating lunch together again. Miyuki had lost her glasses sometime earlier in the day, and Konata had miraculously managed to find them.
Takara Miyuki blushed as she adjusted her newly returned glasses. "Still, I appreciate it. Is there anything I could do for you…?"
Now, any normal girl would feel modest next to this tall, pink-haired, well-developed walking pillar of moe, but Konata was known to be pretty eccentric (even for an otaku).
So, it came as no surprise when Konata said, "Actually, there is one thing I would like to know."
Kagami rolled her eyes. "What is it this time, a random question about food? Last week, you wanted to know what pepperoni was made out of, and then a few days after that you asked Miyuki if a tangerine counted as a baby orange. Just yesterday, you were shooting off questions about frozen yogurt."
Konata gave one her little cat smiles. "No, no, no, Kagamin, this one is important!" She held up a finger to emphasize her point. "It's a question that's been plaguing me for a while now, but I've finally remembered! Now it's the perfect chance to ask!"
"Go ahead, Izumi-san. Ask me any question you'd like," Miyuki said serenely.
Konata cleared her throat. "Ah, you remember when we talked about my junior high scavenger hunt thing? Well, I was wondering if your response was really accurate."
"Oh yeah! Didn't Yuki-chan say that it might have been because of your beauty mark?" Tsukasa said.
"Eh, but judging from Kagami's reaction during that time, I think that there was something more interesting written on the scavenger hunt sheet. So, Miyuki-san, I want your honest and sincere opinion: what do you think that piece of paper read?" Konata leaned closer to her, as though reducing the space between them might allow for a quicker response.
"How the hell did I get pulled into this?" Kagami voiced, slightly annoyed. She then looked over curiously at Miyuki. She really has to give a straight answer this time, Kagami thought. This might be a rare insight into the workings of Miyuki's mind.
"Ah…can you give me a minute?" Miyuki said nervously.
"Sure, sure," Konata replied. She finished off her half-eaten chocolate cornet while she waited, and swished down the contents with a bottle of milk. She's got quite an interesting expression on her face, Konata noted.
Inside Miyuki's mind…
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS RELATED TO DIVINE ENTITIES ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?"
There was pandemonium in station C-4, otherwise known as the part of Miyuki's brain that generated her answers to people's questions. Stacks of papers were being upended, computers were becoming overheated, drawers were being yanked open and shoved closed, bookcases were being emptied, and there was a rather high amount of screeching and cursing coming from the mouths of the workers, which were all variations of Miyuki.
"Wikipedia-imouto(1)! Do you have any possible responses?" A brainy looking female with short pink hair shouted out. Her lilac-colored uniform showed that she was a high-ranking officer in the station and also helped to make sure that her orders were followed quickly. Or else.
All heads turned to the girl sitting in the corner. She was the spitting image of Wikipe-tan(2), sans blue and instead pink with glasses. Her face was scrunched up in concentration as she thought for a while, then sighed resignedly. "I'm sorry, everyone, but I have nothing."
There were a few stifled groans, but were quickly silenced by the arrival of a tall and stately woman. The entire room froze as she walked into the center of the room, then a flurry of whispers and murmurs began.
"Whoa, that's the boss? I can see why," muttered one of the workers. "Still, why isn't she wearing any glasses?"
"She switched to contacts a while back. Just because we're part of Miyuki's mind doesn't mean that we have to be exactly like her. Besides, I myself don't wear any glasses at all," whispered back another worker.
"Shh, she's about to speak!" hissed a junior officer standing behind them.
The woman cleared her throat. "Ah, hello everyone," she said calmly. "I've been informed that this station is having a little bit of trouble at the moment, so I decided to come down and inspect the situation myself. Now, I wish to receive our current status from your commanding officer."
A woman with a pink ponytail stepped forward. "That would be me, Leader-sama," she said. Her usually sharp and piercing eyes were directed towards the ground in utmost respect. "As for the status, Izumi Konata wants to know the answer to the scavenger hunt question. We've asked her for some extra time, but it won't last forever."
The leader cocked her head. "Did you consider evading the question and answering with another tactful answer?"
"That's a negative, Leader-sama. According to station E-3, the station of memories and observations, Izumi-san is smarter than she looks, so I don't think we'll be able to choose that path."
The woman frowned slightly. "What about not answering at all?"
The officer sighed. "Also a negative, this situation calls for an immediate answer."
The leader fell silent for a moment. Finally, she said, "How about the truth?"
"Now that's the problem," the officer said with a grimace. "Station B-1, the station for personal image, logic, and tact, is going ballistic right now. They have repeatedly said that there is a high risk for a contrast with her outwards appearance with this answer. Still, the final answer is up to us."
"I see…" The leader became silent again. She stared around the room as though searching for something. Her eyes landed on the projector screen, which showed them what Miyuki was viewing at that moment. She was panning the classroom, glancing towards Konata at one moment, Tsukasa the next, then Kagami.
"AH! I've got it!" The leader suddenly snapped her fingers. "What we will do involves two parts. It will be risky and will require the full cooperation of everyone here. The failure of this task will result in the worst scenario from station E-3 coming true. However, the total success of this mission will allow us to escape from this dilemma unscathed."
All the officers crowded around her as she started her explanation. "First, we tell her the truth…" The rest of her words were in whispers so that only the officers manning the most important stations could hear. Their eyes widened as they listened to the plan.
"Genius! Pure genius!" the head officer exclaimed. "I expected nothing less from you, Leader-sama!"
"Thank you very much," she replied. "Now activate the processing machine!"
Back in the real world…
Of course, in reality, this very long and eventful scene took place in less than a minute despite the fact that it probably took you a much longer time to read it.
Miyuki's brain whirred into action. "Ah, Izumi-san? I've got your answer now," she said.
Konata perked up. "Ooh, yes! Spill the beans for me, Miyuki-san!"
The meganekko(3) blushed. "Just one more thing before I tell you – I would like to apologize for what I am about to say. Oftentimes, the first thing that pops into your head is not very…pleasant." She turned a brighter shade of pink, and then finally blurted out, "My first thought was that the paper had described someone who was either an otaku, a loli, underdeveloped, perverted, or all of the above."
The other three girls stared at her, stunned. Who knew that Miyuki could say something so frank?
"However…" Miyuki turned to face Kagami. "My real, most strongest belief is that whatever was written on that piece of paper was probably identical to Kagami-san's thoughts that day."
"I see!" Konata exclaimed. Her eyes slid over mischievously to her twin-tailed friend. "Well, Kagamin? What was in your head that day?"
"Ah…"
"TELL ME!" Konata immediately started badgering her.
Miyuki let out a sigh and turned to Tsukasa. "Say, did you know that your foot is about as big as your lower arm(4)?"
"Really?" Tsukasa said wonderingly. "When you look at you lower arm, it just seems a lot bigger than that!" She started rambling, which Miyuki encouraged politely.
Back in Miyuki's mind…
Cheers erupted in station C-4 as everyone started hugging each other and laughing. A few of the workers even opened up a few bottles of sake. One of the officers tried to stop them, but gave up and was soon inebriated herself.
"That was amazing! The plan was 100 percent successful!" a worker squealed.
Another worker, who was busy cleaning up the fallen books and papers from the previous situation, scratched her head in embarrassment. "I don't know. It did work, but I don't really get how…"
"It's pretty simple, really." The head officer appeared at her side, and gave the bemused girl a warm smile. "First, we tell the truth so as not to impose any infringement on Izumi-san's conditions. Then, we direct her attention towards a scapegoat so that she won't have any time to process whatever we said. Finally, we get rid of the remaining audience, Tsukasa-san, by distracting her with any random topic, which is quite simple given our vast library of knowledge and Tsukasa-san's short attention span. Does that make sense?"
The worker nodded. "Thanks so much!" A printer behind her suddenly whirred and spewed out a sheet of paper. "Excuse me," she said hurriedly, and went over to pick up the memo. "Um…Leader-sama! There's a message for you!"
The leader came over to the girl and took the piece of paper from her trembling hands. "I appreciate your efforts," she said. "Why don't you take a break and celebrate with everyone else for now?" The girl gratefully scurried off and allowed her to peacefully exit the station.
"Hm, it's from one of the neighboring minds," she muttered. "'To the Leader of Miyuki's mind,'" she read. "'I applaud your superb planning and success at masterfully dodging yet another awkward situation with tact. However, I do request that you refrain from using that specific technique again. Damn it, what the hell did we do to deserve this torture?'" She chuckled. "Ara(5), we pretty much just shoved the same situation onto their shoulders, didn't we?"
Her assumption turned out to be correct. Far away, and yet close by, the denizens of a certain tsundere's(3) mind were in panic over how to escape the antics of a blue-haired otaku…
(1) Pretty much means "Wikipedia's little sister". O-O Sorry, couldn't think of a better name.
(2) The mascot character for WikiProject Anime and manga. Take out spaces: en . Wikipedia . org/wiki/Wikipedia:Wikipe-tan
(3) Glasses-wearing girl for meganekko and a character who has a stern personality on the outside but is in reality very caring for tsundere. If you are an otaku and didn't already know these terms, then shame on you. Go to your nearest anime encyclopedia or a fellow educated otaku and start studying. You receive an F for the day and lines – "I am a fan of an anime that contains a million different references and cameos per episode yet I do not comprehend what simple Japanese slang words are that probably appeared in one of the episodes anyways" – to do on the board for tomorrow.
(4) Inside joke.
(5) The catchphrase of the Takara women, which roughly means "oh my". I feel very entitled to allow Miyuki's mind workers to use it as well. :3
Wow, that was pretty freaking long for a oneshot! O.O Well, for me, anyways.
Yes, this means I'm working on the requests that people have sent me. I can't continue my cereal fics until I get a tiebreaker in my poll.
Please review!