Disclaimer: IOOMOC
J.L.:This fanfic is another C/J one, but more focused on humor and intense sexual tension. Translation: Moar lemons! Yeah, I'm giving it a huge shot in the dark here. I haven't really gone into actual lemon text, and up until Re:high:eR, only implied at sex. I wanted to give something to really burn my readers with though. Like, if you took this fanfic and printed it, the pages would catch fire or something. Going to be a while before I write one into here though, I have to build the tension and I will so tediously do so. Something to do with politics, I threw my hat into the Resident BetaReader ring.
Somewhere in the Redfield Household...Claire
Giggling. Straight up freaking giggling echoed through the hall. I cringed at the very thought of who was giggling at three a-fucking-m in the morning. I knew I had college in the morning, and if my grades got any worse, Chris would have my neck. I'm a freaking hero! Sure, Barry, Rebecca and even Leon helped take Umbrella down but I'm the one who has to deal with giggling at freaking three a.m. in the morning! I sat up. I had taken all I could stand from two mid-thirties teenagers and wasn't going to take it any more. Making my way down the hall, the giggling got louder. I stood at their door. Can I really walk in on my brother and his girlfriend? His girlfriend...I mean, they've been dating for how long now? Shouldn't they be married by now?!
"Shuush, Claire will hear you." I hear my brother whisper.
"I can't, that tickles." I heard her whisper in return. Mental images burned into my head, some being logged to be tried out with Leon later, others leaving scarring. Come to think of it, why aren't they married? She lives here, they've been living together for about four years now...dating for even longer...they are in their thirties to...well into their thirties...I mean, I'm not that much younger...but seriously, Chris was the one who wanted to settle down... I straightened up and kicked the door in. Not the best choice for an entrance perhaps, especially with two people who had spent the last decade with guns under their pillows and trained ears for bumps in the night, but it left an impression of just how pissed I was feeling at the moment. Jill had been quick to cover herself with their bed cover while Chris ducked down beside the bed, slipping boxers on.
"I'm only going to say this once, and I mean it. It's three o'clock in the fucking morning. I have to get up for school in five freaking hours. Could you stop for just one fucking night with the gawddamn giggling?! You two are acting like lovesick teenagers and for what?! Shouldn't you two be married with hellions running around by now?!" I shouted. Jill's blush flushed her face, and she bit her lip, a habit of hers indicating nervousness. Chris's face flared in anger, but he couldn't do anything.
"Sorry." Jill spoke. She was the more calm one in every situation, and therefore the one who tended to apologize for the both of them in any case. My fingers went to the bridge of my nose to massage it, giving excuse to shut my eye from the scene of Jill's bra spinning slowly on the fan and various other articles of clothing strewn about.
"Look, I'm not trying to be a bitch here, and I'm happy that you two still act like kids, you freaking deserve it with the shit we've gone through, but it's time to grown up at some point. I mean, I'm not a kid either...and we've all been stunted by Umbrella's shit. Like it or not though, I'm trying to earn a degree I started a decade ago and I need my sleep." I muttered.
"Goodnight Claire." Chris grumbled. He hated being told what to do, even if it was the right thing to do. I looked over at Jill who sighed and looked at me.
"Something else kiddo?" She question when I was still standing there, observing the crows feet on the edges of her eyes and the few gray hairs that had started popping up in Chris's hair.
"Why aren't you two married yet?" I asked. Jill bit her lip again and anger flashed on Chris's face. He walked towards me and pushed me out of the room.
"We have our reasons Claire, goodnight." He bid and walked back. I looked back at the room, and made way for my own. That's really weird.
Saturday...Claire
The usual gang was gathered around the table, the exception being that of my brother and his girlfriend. I was chewing my pancakes slowly as Barry continued to make them and Rebecca poured over her textbooks. Leon was busy trying to steal the bacon. Now is the time.
"Interesting question...do you two know why Chris and Jill haven't tied the knot yet?" I asked. Rebecca glanced up from her textbook with a confused yet intrigued look on her face, and Leon dropped snatched a piece of bacon, munching it instantly.
"Now that I think of it, why haven't they?" She replied. Barry's shoulders were heaving in laughter, and he turned around.
"I'm shocked that neither of you two were told...guess the jokers kept their word after all." Barry spoke, and grabbed both of our attention. He turned off the oven.
"What do you mean?" I asked. Barry placed the rest of the finished pancakes on a plate and made his way over to the table, but not before snatching another bacon out of Leon's grasp and devoured it himself.
"Wait...the jokers? As in the Jokers, Joseph and Forest?" Rebecca asked.
"Yep." Barry spoke, chomping down on pancakes bites as big as my fist.
"What word? Did Chris and Jill elope way back when or something?" Rebecca spoke. Barry swallowed and grinned.
"You could say that...listen up kiddies, I'm only telling you three this and it'll never leave the room, alright?" Barry said. My jaw was still recovering from it's descent. Leon dropped the last piece of bacon of the floor.
"Alright." Rebecca spoke. I nodded, unable to speak. Leon picked the bacon up slowly, not sure what to do now.
"Those two, they got married one night...then had it annulled." Barry explained.
"They love each other though, why did they get it annulled?" I asked, eying Leon as he blew the dirt off the bacon and ate it.
"You kinda have to understand them from back then Claire. They aren't the same people from back then...Anyways, here's the whole story..." Barry began.
Way way back in the 1990's...as far back as 1997 even...Barry
"Hey Barry! Wait up!" Joseph yelled, with Forest Chris and Jill in tow. I turned around and smirked widely at them, a group of my closest friends.
"What's up kids?" I asked as they approached.
"Well...we, as in Forest and myself, were thinking that since Wesker's let us have the day off early, that we should go out to the bars tonight. Chris joined in on the condition that he wouldn't have to be dd..." Joseph started.
"Let me guess, they tried to con you into being the dd?" I asked Jill, she rolled her eyes.
"Tried to. I'm currently on a bet with Chris that I can drink more than him." She responded. Chris grunted a laugh. I smiled at the group.
"Alright, alright, I'll be dd. This is going to be good, seeing Chris lose." I spoke. Chris's eye's widened.
"Traitor...what about Cathy?" He retorted. Joseph clamped his hand and grinned.
"No worried on that, see, it's only noon now, so if we start now, you should be home by seven at the latest." Joseph spoke.
"Alright." I agreed.
Hours later...Barry
Joseph and Forest were cracking up laughing at Jill and Chris's slurred arguments. I myself joined in the laughter, noticing that Joseph and Forest hadn't drunk much.
"You-you ish going to loosh." Jill slurred out, chucking another shot down.
"Nu-uh...I am Chrish Redfielduh...I'm the man Jill." Chris retorted, chucking his reply shot down. I glanced down at my watch. It's only three now...
"Man, if I was the type that would take advantage of a drunken woman..." Forest whispered. Chris looked up.
"Yoush shick Forets...Jill'sh too beautishful for that." Chris defended while Jill glared at Forest. I then saw her look towards Chris. Now that's interesting...
"I'm buotifull?" She asked.
"Shure...the mosht gorgeoush woman I've ever met." Chris admitted. Joseph and Forest cracked up laughing.
"Man, he's hammered!" Joseph exclaimed.
"You shhumpt up. I'm gonna marry a gorgeoush girl like Jill." Chris stammed, his slightly red face heating up like Jill's.
"If you like her so much, why don't you marry her?" Forest cracked. Jill giggled.
"Caushe he'z not man enough." She replied. I scrunched my face for the next words that would inevitably come out.
"I am too! Letsh do it." Chris exclaimed, glaring at her.
"Now?" She glared back.
"Yesh, now, or are you a chickensh?" Chris dared.
"Dude, fifty bucks says they'll do it." I heard Forest bet. Now way they'll do it...unless they're too drunk.
"Fifty bucks they won't, you're on." Joseph said, and they shook hands. Jill caught this, and stood up straight, almost falling back.
"Alright! To the Jushish of the peash!" She exclaimed.
One hour later...Barry
Chris and Jill came out hand in hand, albeit stumbling, after signing their license.
"Ha! Take that Joshep!" Jill exclaimed. Joseph sighed, having sobered up from what little he had to drink and paid Forest, who grabbed Jill and Chris, hugging them.
"You may now kiss the bride!" He exclaimed, waving the money around. I shook my head, stuck between laughter and troubled thoughts. When those two sober up, it's not going to be pretty. Chris grabbed Jill and pulled her close, planting one right on her. I winced, kicking myself for not having the foresight to bring a camera. Chris pulled away and grinned wildly.
"I marrid the mosht beautiffel woman!" He exclaimed.
Present...Chris
I leaned back against the wall, having listened in. Much of that day was a blur to me, and the hangover the next day kept me from doing much other than sleep or wince from the sun. Jill had showed up though, with a lawyer, and politely demanded that we get the marriage annulled. I had been a little confused, but the lawyer had the documents ready. Jill had avoided eye contact most of the time, almost as if she had been ashamed of her actions in the previous day. When everything was finished though, Jill had the lawyer draw up a contract between the two of us saying that we had agreed not to get married again. It was a legal biding contract and to breach it, we would have to be sued by the lawyer for all expenses rendered.
"Shouldn't have done either things..." I mumbled to myself. Jill and I had spent the morning arguing over getting married, and she had stormed off to God knows where.
"So, they just annulled it then?" I heard Leon ask.
"Yes...but what's slightly missing to me is what happened that the two decided to get together." Barry spoke. I drew a breath and walked in.
"I think I can explain that a bit." I spoke, and all eyes fell on me. Taking a chair, I cleared my throat.
Months after the annulment...Chris
Wesker continued to drone on as I began to fidget in my chair a little. What in the hell is keeping her at home today?! My partner had called off today, and that left me with night duty alone. I began drumming my fingers on the desk. Not that being alone is bad...but she's great company, practically my best friend in the office. Forest and Joseph kept flicking a paper football between them, something that you'd think Wesker would mind, but he never showed any signs of caring so long as they could repeat his speech back to him. Tapping my fingers a little bit in rhythm more, I tried to concentrate on Wesker. She was extremely pissed off yesterday when Joseph remarked about us being ex's...maybe she didn't want to hear the shit anymore?
"In short, we don't have any active cases right now, not until the forensics lab uncovers a bit more about the victim." Wesker reasoned.
"Which will take weeks..." I heard Barry grumble. Would it be odd to ask her out on a date? Great chemistry, we have that. She's hot as hell and actually decent...Wesker wouldn't allow the shit in the office but what he doesn't know won't kill him...the only problem is the whole fiasco with the annulment.
"Correct. I have prepared something in the meantime for us to do, including training and cleaning the areas. Before we start that procedure though, I do have an announcement." Wesker responded. Damn those breasts of hers...I mean, wow...perfect...and that ass...I'd almost kill to be able to grope them.
"That being?" Enrico asked.
"Tomorrow will be a day off on the premise that it's considered Partner Appreciation day. Tomorrow you will take your partner-wipe that smirk off your face Joseph-out and show them your appreciation. I don't care what or where, but I do expect a full detailed report in order for Iron's to accept it. Try not to make it too disgustingly appreciative but do put in an attempt." Wesker spoke. I grinned from ear to ear. Bingo.
The next Day...Chris
I stood right outside of the Police department's rear entrance, near the parking lot, smoking a cigarette. I saw her car whip into the parking lot and park, with her stepping out in her civilian clothes. Tight tee shirt and jeans...just enough for covering her body, but still showing her curves. If she knew how much time I spent checking her out, she'd clock me. She smiled politely as she her way for the door next to me, but I put my arm out in front of her. You'd think she'd be aware of the lack of cars in the parking lot. She looked up at me, confused.
"I give, what is it Chris?" She asked.
"Come on, we're playing hookey." I said, grabbing her hand and starting to lead her to my motorcycle.
"What?! Chris, I already took yesterday off, I can't play hookey today!" She spoke, stopping. My grip on her hand was tight but I stopped as well, not letting it go.
"Oh come on, you can't tell me you've never thought about ditching work on the way to it, it'll be fun, I promise." I tried, turning towards her and grinning with the cigarette clutched in my teeth. She rolled her eyes.
"Being a bad boy all the time isn't being responsible enough to pay the bills, how do you get away with it?" She asked. I laughed a little and pulled her forward, right in front of me, grabbing her other hand.
"Come on, let's play hookey together. I'll be your bad boy for the day and you try to enjoy it, alright?" I said. She gasped a little and a blush show up on her face but she broke her hands free from my grasp and looked away.
"You aren't seriously asking me out on a date are you?" She asked, moving to glare at me when her blush had subsided.
"Yes I am. Come on. Not like there's anything in the office to do today other than run laps and clean the guns." I proposed. She ran her hand through her hair, glancing around the parking lot then back to me.
"We have the day off already don't we?" She asked. I nodded, removing my cigarette and flicking it aside.
"Partner appreciation day. Wesker expects a full report tomorrow." I answered.
"Fine, I'll play your game...but this is not a date." She said, following me to my bike. I handed her the spare helmet and proceeded to put mine on before sitting on the bike and allowing her to hop on.
"Whatever you have to tell yourself babe." I joked and she punched my shoulder.
J.L.: At first, I avoided putting names after the setting titles, wanting it to be a little of a surprise, but after re-reading it, I decided it would be too confusing. Anyways, I beat Portal this week! (I know, quite late, but I have a full time job and college...no life.) "Speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out"...so, this is to tie my readers until I can get the parodies and Earliest Days up and running.