Author's Note: Hello all! I'm back and almost feeling like my old self again. But more about that in my closing Note. This short story was inspired by the episode Big Time Break Up. In this, I supposed that Jo knew something that Kendall didn't. I hope you see what I mean as you delve into this short Kogan piece. So, read and enjoy! Nothing makes me happier than that! I'll see you again after the closing chapter.

The Cryptic Wish

Logan sat alone in his bedroom trying to read a book by the dim light of dusk coming through his bedroom window. The last of the setting sun's rays reached the page he was reading bathing the printed words in a deep orange hue. He knew he needed to turn on a light but his body didn't want to leave the comfort of his bed. When it finally became too dark, he reluctantly stood and made his way to the small lamp on his desk. He sighed a heavy sigh as he switched on the light. He didn't really want to read anymore, but it was the only thing he could think of that could relax him and get his mind off his troubles. And Kendall Knight had him troubled.

Logan had really liked Jo. He really did. He saw how good she was for his best friend, how happy she made him. For the longest time, he had, indeed, resented her for coming between the Big Time Rush leader and him until he'd realized that, no matter what he did, there was no way that their bond could be broken. They seemed to be made for each other, destined to be together. And, after he'd gotten to know Jo better, he'd decided to forget his growing secret feelings for Kendall and support the happy couple as they dated for month after excruciating month. The fact that he pulled off the best acting job in the world brought a kind of twisted pride to the brightest member of the band. No one suspected anything of him and sometimes, he had to admit, he would almost forget himself – almost.

Things went on swimmingly until the day Jo had been informed by her agent that the part of a lifetime had opened up and she could have it if she wanted it. Both Kendall and Jo had tried to be the bigger person and attempted to sacrifice their careers to stay together at the Palmwoods. But Kendall had prevailed, as he always seemed to do, and painfully realized that he loved Jo enough to let her go half way around the world to make her dreams come true. The pain Logan saw in his friend's beautiful green eyes almost broke his heart as well. The other guys knew that Kendall was in pain. What they didn't see, what Kendall only permitted Logan to see, was the real tears he'd shed in their room late at night. Sometimes the blonde would let Logan hold him as the smart boy struggled to come up with words of comfort and sympathy. And on a couple of occasions, they'd fallen asleep together on Kendall's bed, waking in the early morning to find themselves in each other's arms. Nothing was said about those rare instances. It was easier to pretend that they never happened.

Logan had thought that, since Jo was gone, Kendall would have more time to spend with him and James and Carlos like they had in Minnesota – the Four Musketeers together again! And, they had done more stuff together. The guys had taken the broken hearted boy to the movies, out to dinner, hiking, go carting, skateboarding, surfing, and a host of other assorted activities trying to keep his mind off of losing Jo.

Slowly but surely, Kendall's mood had lifted and he appeared to be his upbeat, normal self once again. Logan was happy to have his best buddy back in top form, the unmistakable twinkle in his green eyes had returned. But what he hadn't counted on, were the scores of girls that had suddenly caught Kendall's eye. On one of their expeditions, he'd asked a girl out and, of course, she'd readily accepted. That led to another date with a different girl and another and another. Soon, even James was having trouble keeping up with Kendall's dating prowess.

Soon enough, Logan saw his best friend slipping away from him again, their closeness put on the back burner for the sake of countless dates with the fairer sex. Again, Logan felt he should receive an Oscar for his performances everytime Kendall came home and talked about what he'd done with a girl, how she'd felt. Logan smiled and egged Kendall on to recount his evenings in detail pretending to eat each detail up. It was the least he could do for him. He seemed so happy again and Logan was not going to be the one to darken those sparkling emerald eyes.

Alone in the almost darkened room, his own chocolate eyes betrayed his inner hurt. He sighed again as he looked at the clock on the nightstand: 9:35 PM. He knew Kendall would be coming home soon and be more than willing to share the events of the evening with him. It was almost time to put on his happy mask, the façade he used to shield Kendall from seeing the hurt that Logan carried inside for him; the look that obscured the feelings of longing and yearning that he felt whenever he was in Kendall's presence. He'd decided that it was a price he'd have to pay for the sake of his friend's happiness – a price that he was willing to pay, no matter what it did to him inside.

It had become almost a nightly ritual. Logan would take a few deep breaths and immerse himself in his deep feelings for Kendall, wallow in them even. Flashes of his future with him as more than just friends entered his consciousness, lifting his spirit and making his heart and soul fly. Then, his logical brain would take over, telling him why the things he'd just thought about were impossible. The practical considerations of career and coming out to family and friends hurt him, to be sure. But the one that always brought him pain, the one that always pierced his heart, the one that was insurmountable, was the fact that Kendall didn't love him. He never had and he never would. He felt a little piece of his soul leave him as the tears he'd carried around made their presence known to him, falling from his wounded eyes. He clenched his jaw, stifling the sobs that threatened to escape him. He couldn't let anyone see him like this, especially Kendall – never Kendall! He cried a little longer until he regained his composure, taking in air, trying to steady his breathing.

Logan got up and went into the bathroom and grabbed a tissue from the dispenser on the counter. He blew his nose and wiped his eyes. He tried to avoid the reflection in the mirror. The eyes were, indeed, the windows to the soul. He'd caught a glimpse of what was behind those chocolate eyes once and he'd started to sob uncontrollably, the pain he saw in his own eyes overwhelming him all over again. He hadn't dared look at his reflection again from then on. Never again!

He wasn't hungry but he hadn't had anything to eat since lunch. He knew he had to put something in his stomach so he made his way to the kitchen. He looked for something quick and easy to make. His mind kept wandering to the pain but he'd shake it off concentrating on the task at hand. He finally settled on chicken noodle soup and a piece of French bread. He began to assemble the necessary dishes, grateful that he had a task to concentrate on, when he heard a key turn the lock on the front door. He turned from the counter to see who was coming home and saw his handsome best friend beaming a high voltage smile at him as he made his way to the kitchen to join him.

"Hey, Logie! What's up?" Kendall slapped Logan's back gently as a greeting, letting his hand slide down and linger on the small of his back. The smaller boy immediately caught the faint smell of liquor on his friend.

Logan caught his breath and steeled himself. The performance would be starting early tonight. And it had to be good! Still feeling the effects of his nightly ritual, he avoided eye contact with the lead singer. He smiled coyly and mumbled a greeting to him purposely breaking the contact Kendall had initiated. He put the bowl of soup in the microwave oven and turned it on. In no time at all, the warm liquid's fragrance filled the kitchen, masking the smell of alcohol on Kendall.

"Mmmm. That smells good, Bro! Can I have a little of that? We didn't exactly have time to eat, if you know what I mean!" Kendall winked at Logan insinuating that something else had taken place between him and tonight's girl. "Let me go change and I'll be right back."

Logan looked up and followed Kendall's behind as it disappeared down the hall into their shared room. The tight jeans he wore showed off the form that fueled Logan's dreams. Unconsciously licking his lips, Logan pretended that it was the food that was making his mouth water. With renewed resolve, his performance had begun. Now he'd have to play the interested best friend – no matter how much it hurt him to hear all the details of his hot date.

Logan sat down and permitted himself one last heavy sigh as he waited on the object of his affection to return from their room. He plastered a smile on his face and waited for the onslaught to begin.