Decoy
Lindsey snapped another shot of Hayley as the last note of the song rang out of her mouth and seemed to extend into eternity. She viewed the picture, and admired her handiwork. Hayley's face was the center of the photo, but Josh and Jeremy stood prominently in the background, guitars in hand, their faces screwed up in focus. The quality of her new camera was so good the tiny beads of sweat coating each of their foreheads was visible. There was no doubt photography was her natural-born talent, what she was meant to be doing, but it still amazed her that she could take such good photos when she had never been so unenthusiastic about it before. The depression and disinterest only seemed to intensify her work.
The tour ended in California, and who better to take concert photos than her. It had been Tegan's suggestion, of course, but Hayley was excited about it too. She had seen Lindsey's work for Tegan and Sara, and was enthralled that she would be taking photos of her own band.
Lindsey was less enthusiastic about it. At first she had been pumped, more than ecstatic to photograph a band of Paramore's status, but the suggestion had come to her what seemed like forever ago. As she had met Hayley backstage before the concert she wished to be anywhere but here. Hayley was nice, she understood why Tegan liked her, but she resented the fiery redhead. Hayley had stolen her girlfriend right out from under her.
Maybe it was her own fault. Maybe she should've made an effort to see Tegan more often. Or maybe she should've set stricter boundaries the second she'd heard that the twins would be touring with Paramore, knowing that Hayley was a cute, feisty, barely twenty-one, rocker girl with basically ever quality Tegan looked for in a woman. But the restrictions would've put them on bad terms. As soon as they'd started dating she vowed never to control Tegan, making sure to give her all the freedom she could possibly want. But how much freedom was a bad thing?
At least this was the last night of the tour. This fact was the only thing getting Lindsey through the night.
This was their biggest crowd yet, and they were wild bunch. They were giving Hayley enough energy to sing all night if she wanted to. At this rate, her lungs would explode before she would give in. Performing gave her the rush of a lifetime. She was glad the tour was going out with a bang.
'This is awesome!" she screamed into the microphone. The crowd agreed with a loud, synchronized cheer. "You guys are awesome!" More screaming followed.
But backstage Tegan didn't feel so awesome. She watched the show from the sidelines every night, amazed at the sheer awesomeness and personality of the band they opened for, but tonight was different. Her eyes were glued to the firecracker on center-stage. She'd fallen for the young, up-and-coming star, risked everything to be with her, and had only gotten her heart broken in the end.
"This next one is dedicated to someone really special to me, my friend Turk."
The crowd cheered again, despite having no idea who this faceless friend was. But Lindsey, Tegan, and Sara all three winced at the use of Tegan's nickname, the pronunciation of her three initials, TRQ.
A lone guitar riff produced by Josh filled the stadium. Zac's drums soon followed and Hayley joined in, her low, melodic voice blending in as if it were an instrument too.
"Close your eyes and make believe this is where you want to be
Forgetting all the memories, try to forget love cause love's forgotten me
Well hey, hey baby, it's never too late pretty soon you won't remember a thing
And I'll be distant, the stars reminiscingYour heart's been wasted on me
You've never been so used as I'm using you, abusing you
My little decoy
Don't look so blue, you should've seen right through
I'm using you, my little decoy
My little decoy
Live your life inside a dream
Time is changing everythingForgetting all the memories
And I'm forced into you just cause you're into me
Well hey, hey baby, it's never too late
When I'm gone you won't remember a thing
But I can't stay and you know I won't waitI was gone from the very first day
You've never been so used as I'm using you, abusing you
My little decoy
Don't look so blue, you should've seen right through
I'm using you, my little decoy
Oh, oh.I'm not sorry at all(not sorry at all, not sorry. no.)
I won't be sorry at all(not sorry at all, not sorry. no.)
I'd do it over again
Don't look so blue, my little decoy
You should've seen right through, my little decoy
You've never been so used, my little decoy
And so I'm using you, my little decoy"
Lindsey's fingers slipped from her camera, as Hayley finished up the song with a flourish. The straps stopped gravity from carrying the expensive, heavy device to the ground, but the rebounding gave an uncomfortable tug on Lindsey's small, elegant neck.
Tegan's stomach sank impossibly low, for it had gone down when she first received the news. Somehow Hayley had found a way to make her feel even more terrible.
Sara's hand rested gently on her sister's shoulder. She was pissed. She couldn't believe Hayley had the audacity to get up on stage and announce her failed, newest relationship to anyone smart enough to understand who the song was for. If Hayley thought she could do that and get away with it . . . Sara's protective instincts kicked in and she once again took over the role as the big sister. She cursed herself for even letting it get to this point. Tegan had been happy with Lindsey, the happiest Sara could ever remember seeing her, and Sara just stood by as Tegan threw it all away on a whim. She should've know that Hayley would do this to her. Sara's philosophy was to never trust straight girls. It seemed a little prejudice, but she found that they were mostly good for quick lays. They seemed to chicken out of long term relationships, deciding that, although the attraction seemed real at the time, women weren't right for them and they preferred a life down the straight and narrow. Lindsey was special. When you spend four years wooing a girl, you know that you're truly in love with her. She'd be an idiot not to realize this, and Lindsey did. She was the real 'only exception'. Why had Tegan broken up with her in the first place?
Tegan was asking herself the same question. She'd thrown away a guaranteed happy, fulfilled life with the woman she had been completely head-over-heels in love with for absolutely nothing. And chances were, Lindsey wouldn't want her back.