Author's Note: Again, the idea comes from late discussions with Artemis Arcturus, when one of us tried a new shampoo, and was inspired by the Herbal Essences commercials. This is humor, and not to be taken seriously! I do not own Harry Potter, or any recognizable characters, locations, etc. They all belong to JK Rowling.
Story Time with Remus
Babysitting was never one of his strong points, but if all of the rumors about young children were true, then surely this son of his friends would enjoy a story about his mother, her friend and…a special guest character. And so, with his more-or-less nephew Harry staring up at him with wide eyes, Remus Lupin brought the wordless leather bound journal up and opened it to the first page, preparing to completely make up some entertaining story.
And then he started to tell little Harry Potter a story…
X~X~X~X~X
When Lily Evans received a colorful package one day in the Great Hall of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, she was certainly surprised. At first she suspected that it was from James Potter, who was suspiciously absent from breakfast that day. She eyed the thin rectangular package wondering what could possibly be in the thing. She jumped when a voice piped up next to her at the Gryffindor table.
"Well? Are you going to stare at it or open it?"
She looked over and met the gaze of Remus Lupin. He looked just as curious as Lily. He shifted his eyes meaningfully at the bright package in front of her. "Come on, Lily! Open the thing! I'm interested."
Lily smiled and began to carefully open the package. "You know that if Potter sent this, then most likely it means some sort of prank right?"
Remus nudged her with his elbow. "Want me to test it for hexes?"
Lily rolled her eyes. "No, I'm sure I can handle it."
"Just trying to be a gentleman." He exaggerated a pout at his food. This time, Lily nudged him with her elbow.
She managed to get the tightly tied ribbon off of the wrapped box. After that the wrapping around the box was simple. She pushed it aside and opened the lid of the box. Inside was a thin, tall glass bottle with a semi-viscous liquid inside of it. The bottle was surrounded by emerald green fabric to cushion the bottle. Lily picked up the bottle, and discovered a folded piece of parchment underneath it. She put the bottle down on the table, careful to be sure it was properly standing up.
Remus took the bottle and began to examine it from every angle he could think of as Lily picked up the parchment and unfolded it. She read it and her lips curled into a small smile as she finished. "Well, I should have known."
"Known what?"
Lily took the bottle from Remus and held it between the two of them. "This," she began to explain, "is a new potion."
"Potion…That could only mean one person…" Lily nodded.
"Severus Snape," they both said.
"No!"
Lily smiled again. "He said that he'd be honored if I were to try it. Apparently, he's added all sorts of scents and natural botanical oils to it." When she noticed that Remus was staring at her oddly, she continued to elaborate. "It's shampoo, Remus."
"Oh!"
Lily's smile grew. "Anyway, he added all sorts of scents to it along with some things that are supposed to make your hair shine, and some other stuff that is supposed to…" She consulted the note again. "…attempt to enhance the user's already radiating beauty."
Remus smiled. "I think he just complimented you."
Lily ignored the comment. "Well…I guess we could try it."
"I'm not trying it!"
"Remus!" Lily whined.
"Lily!" Remus whined back at her, mimicking her tone.
They engaged in a silent battle of wills for a moment before Lily admitted defeat. "Alright, you don't have to. But you have to honestly tell me what you think about it after I use it!"
Remus grinned. "Fair enough." They went back to eating their meal companionably and quietly for a few minutes. Out of the corner of his eye, Remus noticed that Lily's smile had reached a level that meant she was trying hard to hold back a laugh. "What?" he asked.
"Nothing…" She started to shake as she was silently laughing. Then she giggled. "I was just picturing Severus standing over a cauldron, trying to make a better shampoo, muttering the next ingredient to himself…" She took another bite of her food. Remus had started to smile. Then, she laughed. "Natural botanicals…" she said, making her voice male-sounding. This time, when she laughed Remus's laugh joined hers.
The next day, Remus was sitting at the Gryffindor house table, wondering where his other four friends were. He'd found out why three of his friends hadn't joined him and Lily yesterday. James and Sirius were serving detention, but they didn't even say where. Remus suspected that they were being forced to shift books in the library with Madam Pince, the stern librarian, standing over their hunched forms with a glare to match an angry McGonagall. Meanwhile, Peter had simply been practicing some transfiguration spells and ended up accidentally aiming his wand at his foot – how he did this Remus still could not figure out – and his foot ended up becoming a prickly cactus! Needless to say, he'd spent the rest of the day in the hospital wing. Remus had no idea where Lily was that day. She never missed a meal unless she was studying for an exam, and unless there was one coming up that he was not aware of, this was not the case.
He looked up and noticed that over at the Slytherin table Severus Snape was looking rather anxious about something. The dark-haired boy lifted his spoon from his broth and tilted it, allowing the contents of the spoon to plop back into the rest of the soup. Just when Remus realized that Snape's hair was looking softer and cleaner than its usual greasy, stringy texture, the doors to the Great Hall flung open!
A flurry of brightly colored birds flew and tweeted into the Great Hall, singing and chirping a happy cacophony of noise, making every single person in the huge room look in the direction of the big doors. It could also have had something to do with the fact that there was a strange groan coming from behind the big doors, but who knows what that could be in Hogwarts…weird noises happened everyday!
But that wasn't the weirdest part to Remus.
There were several other small woodland creatures that came bustling into the Great Hall such as swans, some owls – which was not that unusual, squirrels, rabbits, even a rather cheerful-looking skunk! How odd.
Even with all of the Great Hall being overrun by strangely happy woodland creatures, it was still not the weirdest thing to Remus. That came next.
Lily entered the Great Hall, looking positively glowing! Her usually lovely red hair was now gleaming in the morning light, it looked softer than anything anyone had ever before seen, and it smelled – Remus realized suddenly – like dark, pure chocolate. It was intoxicating. It was alluring! It was just…
…an apparent magnet to the opposite sex!
Every other male from Gryffindor was trailing after Lily like ducklings following their mother. James Potter and Sirius Black were closest to her, trying to outdo each other on who could follow her closest and tripping over the other's feet as they walked. 'Head over heels, indeed,' thought Remus. Then came every other male in the Gryffindor house. As Lily walked down the aisle between the tables, everyone turned to look dreamily at her. The boys turned because the scent of Lily's fiery hair was…more or less putting them under a love spell. The girls would turn to look at her with envy because they only wished they could each turn the heads of every single boy in the school.
Remus saw her come to stop in front of him, the smell of dark…pure…chocolate…even more potent now. Why would Snape make a shampoo that smelled like…the most delectable chocolate Remus had ever smelled?
"Would you care if I sat by you again, Remus?" she asked. At that point, Remus was too entranced by the delicious chocolate smell radiating from her, that he was amazed that he managed to stiffly nod. She sat down across from him.
Before anyone knew it, the red and gold table had an intruder at it. It was a single wizard wearing green and silver house colors – a Slytherin! It was Severus Snape. He awkwardly held out a brightly colored box towards Lily, who accepted it with a courteous smile. Severus was about to walk away when Lily grabbed the Slytherin's hand, much to the verbal shock of the entire Gryffindor table.
"Sev," she asked, "what did you put in this shampoo? Why is everyone following me?"
Severus Snape smiled at Lily. It struck Remus as peculiarly odd, since pretty much no one ever saw him smile. "Amortenia. You are the walking desire of every man in the school." Remus now understood why she smelled so strongly of dark, pure chocolate…
"Oh?" she asked, simultaneously impressed that he could do that yet annoyed because she didn't think her friend thought about what that would mean. "And what do I smell like to you, Sev, since I know this had to have been some sort of experiment with you?"
Severus smile again, kindly at her. "Your scent to me has not changed. You do not smell any differently."
Lily smiled at him and squeezed his hand. "Thank you, Severus, for the shampoo. It's really good."
"You're welcome. I'm pleased you like it."
"Can you make me more? It works better than real shampoo!"
Before Severus could respond, a sharp, stern voice interrupted. "No! He will not be making this…shampoo, as you both call it, ever again! It is disrupting the entire proceedings in the Great Hall! This…I will not stand for it!" They all turned to face the owner of the voice to find that it belonged to Professor McGonagall, Head of Gryffindor House. "Mr. Snape!" Severus looked at the professor. "Since the headmaster is just as captivated by the scent of your shampoo in Miss Evans's hair, I have to deal with this situation!" She stared at Severus long and hard before she opened her mouth.
X~X~X~X~X
Remus finished the story quickly for the little boy, who looked desperate to hear the rest of the story but was fighting a losing battle against sleep. "And then she told Snape that he had to never make the shampoo again. He had to discontinue it forever! And for disrupting the entire school with it, even though Lily had no idea that Amortenia was in it to entrance everyone, Snape was forbidden from that day forth from ever…and I mean ever, Harry, washing his hair again. The end."
Remus closed the leather journal, hoping that Harry would get the hint and understand to go to sleep. The boy was asleep very, very quickly after the story was over. For once, babysitting his nephew was not nearly as bad as he thought it would have been! Maybe he would volunteer for James and Lily to do this every week.
He'd better get some new stories ready.
Hope you all enjoyed it. I had a good time writing it. Thanks for reading! Please review! I would really appreciate it, because they totally make my day! Thanks!