Yes, it was late at night when we wrote this. We were most definitely high/drunk on something. Not sure what. But here, Haruka x Nitori (no progress in the ship in this chapter, stay tuned for chapter 2!)

I saw him there making mackerel pizza… for me. I never thought this day would never come. The day I, Haruka Nanese, would get together with the grey-haired bi-shouon boy Nitotri Aiichirou. My world changed the moment I realized we were meant to be.

It was my first day at work. It was quite busy in the restaurant. People chatting, gay people kissing, you know, the norm. I picked my apron from the hanger, and headed towards my station. The fish station. My favorite. Mmmm. I went to go serve the gay men sitting near the kitchen until I realized who the men were. It was Sousake and Makoto. They were having a hot make-up session. They didn't seem to notice me… and they didn't need to breathe for a while. Well, they're both swimmers so it makes sense they can hold their breath for so long.

As I was about to turn back towards my station I notice a small, grey-haired shota peeking through a planet in the corner of the dining area. He seemed to be day-dreaming about Coconut Head. How would I know that? Just a feeling, we all dream about him.

All of the sudden, the ground shook vigorously… it was an earthquake. FOR THE HOMOS. Everyone who was straight ran out of the building and all of the homos piled up on each other. Damn, that's hella gay. Until suddenly, I felt something odd against my crotch... what is that? What could it possibly be? I soon came to realize that this was Nitori's hand, on my crotch. He groped. Softly. As if he was wondering what this sack-bag object was. I heard him exclaim in pleasure. He sure liked to grope my balls.

Oh wait.

I keep a water balloon near my crotch at all times. Nitori's intense squeezing popped the water balloon but a hand was still there at my pee-pee area. It wasn't Nitori's… that's for sure. So whose was it?

It was Coconut Head.

His lean, muscle hand was placed between my thighs. I looked down, a bit embarrassed because Nitori has just popped that water balloon and wetted my trousers. Coconut Head didn't seem to mind. We looked into each other's eyes. But suddenly, he took his hand off my private area and shrieked in panic.

Coconut-head looked at me, with his surprised face, and said, "Haruka, no. This cannot happen. After all, my true love is-"

It was at that moment when Shrek came rushing to the room, letting out his ogre roars.

"Him. The majestic, green, beast-like ogre, with layers just like an onion, the scent of the swamp. It is he, who is my true lover."

Coconut-head went off in Shreks arms, ready to be attacked by his onions.

I was left alone with the homos still piled up around me, and thought to myself: what the fuck.