The Day Takeba Grew a Plant and It Fucking Ate Her

Yukari Takeba bought a new kind of plant from Jonathan Haze. He was an actor who wasn't in anything you would have seen, but now he runs a flower shop. And he convinced Yukari that this particular plant was soon to be the latest craze. Ever the dedicated follower of fashion, Yukari snapped up the plant, eager to be ahead of the curve for once.

She carried it home in her purse. (Where would a girl be without her purse? I'd really like to know.) Plants need sunlight, and her purse didn't allow sunlight, but this plant was okay. It was a light plant, after all. How else could she carry it?

Anyway, she got home and her friend... What's her name... Fuka? I dunno. Some blue-haired chick. Anyway, she noticed that Yukari had something unusual in her purse and she wanted to see it. But Yukari had a fit of jealousy, and she bolted to her room instead.

"It's mine," she thought. "All mine."

She put the plant on the desk and admired it. It was a strange looking plant. It was kept in a can (she'd have to change that to something fancier, like one of her old boots from last week), it had three brown leaves, and the flower resembled a pair of jaws. It was rather ugly, actually.

"But won't everyone be green with envy when they see I had one before they were cool?" She cackled at this thought.

Akihiko burst into the room.

"Yukari! Are you alright?!" He lifted her into the air and looked under her.

Yukari was gobsmacked. Of course she was alright. Why wouldn't she be? But her room looked so pretty from up here... Maybe she should install an escalator so she could see this view more often.

Unfortunately, poor Akihiko had forgotten to wear his pacemaker, so he died.

Yukari fell down and got a bruise on her bottom. It saddened her, but she had to stand for it. She was tired, so she brushed Akihiko aside, changed into her negligee, and went to bed.

That night...

The plant stirred. It pushed its can until it fell to the floor. Then it pushed until it reached Akihiko. It smelled meat...

The next morning, Yukari plodded out of bed and poured herself a bowl of toast. The toast had Froot Loops in it. Froot Loops are a popular breakfast cereal, but I don't know if they sell them in Japan. I hope not, because they're awful. They shred your gums and they just taste like sugar. Gross. And Yukari is an idiot for going out of her way to import such a horrible breakfast cereal.

Anyway, Fuka-What's-Her-Name came along with a kale-and-bacon smoothie for her breakfast. She enquired, "So, Yukari, what was in your purse yesterday?"

Yukari started, and she flung her bowl at Fuka. During the ensuing toastscreen, she crept out of the dormitory. (Oh yeah, to those of you who haven't played Persona 3, they live in a dormitory. They're high school students.)

I don't know what that prick is called, he was the player character in the game and everyone thinks he has an official name, but he doesn't, so I'll call him Nokia, after the car brand. Yukari had Nokia's music player and she used it to listen to ABBA Gold. She was going to see Mamma Mia and she wanted to get in the mood. She didn't understand one yod of English, so she thought the movie was about a war veteran drifting through the country, getting harassed by the police, and then waging a one man war against them. She liked the music, though.

During the Take On Me number, the man next to her put his hand on her knee and said, "Don't I know you somewhere, little girl?" He was actually talking to someone else, but it made her think of a time when she was six years old. They had a lodger staying in the spare room, and he was an odd man. It was the first time ABBA had saved her life. When she heard their music, it was like she was somewhere else.

The movie ended, and she went backstage to try to meet the cast. She couldn't get through the crowd, but she was surprised to meet Junpei there.

"Whoa, Yukari dude," he spake. "I didn't know you liked Mamma Mia 2!"

"Me neither!" she said.

"Man, this is too much... The guys aren't gonna believe I saw Takeba at Mamma Mia..."

Yukari turned tickled pink. "You can't tell them."

"Why not?" Junpei intended to ask. But when he tried to say it, he realised why not. She'd stolen his tongue! He had to laugh at that. He patted her back and she him and they went to eat noodles at the Noodle Box.

This part of the story is boring, so I'll summarise.

They ate noodles and then went to their dormitory.

I forget the red-haired girl's name... Carmen. Carmen asked them if they knew where Akihiko had gone.

"Oh, I think he's gone down somewhere. Heheh..." said Yukari.

Carmen rolled her eyes and lost them under the desk. She knelt down to feel around for them. Her skirt raised so you could see her jeans underneath.

Yukari and Junpei went to her room and spent the night together.

But they weren't alone...

The next morning, Yukari had a fever. She got dressed up and went to the local disco to dance her butt off. It sliced off three inches, but she doesn't eat properly, so it bounced back.

While she was boogieing, Nokia had picked her lock and entered her room for a scarf raid. He had picked out a REEEEEAAAAALLLLLYYYYY LLLLOOOONNNNGGGG one when he turned around and saw the plant leering at him.

"Well..." said Nokia. "Good thing I'm wearing a blazer today..."

The plant ate him, but it got a nasty burn in its throat because it got a bit of carpet when it chomped Nokia. It extended its roots into the security system and took control.

Yukari's intuition told her that she ought not go home, so she went there as quick as she could. Lo! She beheld the towering monstrosity she had nurtured! She didn't know what to do, so she did nothing.

Well, that's not quite true. She got eaten. The plant chewed her up and swallowed her. It spat out her vinyl copy of the West Side Story soundtrack, signed by the whole cast. Some girls have all the luck.

The End