Renji was in high spirits. He'd just had a great weekend with his number one, he was doing awesome in his new position as department head at work, and he'd spent a bunch of time with his best friend Rukia the night before - Valentine's was coming up too. Things were going great for him.
Especially concerning his love life. Not that it has ever been unsatisfactory, thank you very much, but his lover had seen fit to completely spoil him and give him a surprise a few weeks back. He still didn't know what had gotten into Ichigo to make him dress up the way he had, but he's glad he'd done it, because ever since, their sex life has only been improving - something he hadn't even thought possible.
He brought it up again from time to time even though Ichigo had told him to please stop talking about it already. Renji just can't though, he can't believe it!
"You wore panties for me?"
He knew it had to have been hard for Ichigo, who, although he had a thick skin, he had sort of a fragile ego in certain areas, like sex and intimacy. Well, it had used to be he'd only get shy and embarrassed like he had as a kid when other people's sexual practices or physical attributes were brought up. It seemed like once they'd started doing it together, Ichigo had stopped getting flustered over that kind of stuff as much - at least not with Renji. Until now. Until those weird few weeks surrounding Christmas and New Years, and Renji understood why now. Ichigo must have been trying to come to terms with wearing that for him.
It had to have been so hard for him, to do something that made him feel so shy. "You must really love me, huh?" Renji half-teased, half-cooed, mooning over him, face in his hands.
Ichigo didn't even deny it. "Yeah so what?!" he shouted, red in the face. "Don't be a dick about it!"
Ahh, he can't take it! Renji's heart will burst if he says stuff like that!
He just can't get over it - Ichigo'd done something so daring, just for him, for the sake of his happiness. Ichigo never got jealous or possessive over him, and wasn't super affectionate outside of the privacy of their bedroom, so it was hard sometimes, to feel loved - but how could he not, if Ichigo had done something like that?
Renji wouldn't have changed things, honestly. But Ichigo was the one who'd brought it up, which was amazing in itself - and it would've been fine, really. It would've been welcome fun if Ichigo had brought up wanting to try something new, something adventurous. Renji would've indulged him, would've obliged, but the conundrum he faced now was knowing that this stuff didn't come from within Ichigo's own fantasies, did they.
It still gave him a little thrill to think about. Ichigo had planned to try and excite him all on his own? It was just so out of nowhere. It was so unlike Ichigo that it must have come from some outside influence. Renji wasn't sure what had happened exactly, whether he'd done something to hurt Ichigo's confidence, or if something else had upset him somehow, wounded his pride. Ichigo must have heard something about him, something about the past.
No, he knew what it was. He knows it in his gut. Hisagi and Ichigo'd had a tiff in the past month, still weren't getting on very well, and although he didn't have any proof, Renji was positive that it had something to do with this whole thing. Hisagi must have told Ichigo something that had hurt him, bothered him.
It wasn't like him at all, which was why it was so confusing. Renji didn't understand what was going on. Ichigo didn't get jealous.
Renji dealt with it more often. Everyone, everyone fell in love with Ichigo, so of course he got jealous from time to time, got a little anxious. Ichigo might not be as open or brash about it as Renji was, making friends everywhere he went - while Renji reveled in it, Ichigo seemed oblivious to flirtation. Usually they were nice people and Renji was friendly towards them too despite knowing they were giving Ichigo the gleaming eyes and showing him their best side. Sometimes though, he got a bad feeling, a bad vibe off somebody, and he was unable to keep his temper in check.
When he felt like that though, when he got too protective or pushy, he felt ashamed of himself. It wasn't fair of him. Ichigo never got like that; he was so strong and secure - he was so much stronger than Renji was. Renji sometimes cracked and his nasty jealousy comes out under the right conditions, but Ichigo though, Ichigo's not like that. Ever.
So Renji didn't know what on earth Hisagi could have done to get under Ichigo's skin, to make him insecure.
The weirdness of it had put him on edge. To make matters worse, Ichigo had kept asking him those questions about girls, what the best part was, how it felt to be with a woman sexually - and Renji had gotten even more spooked. Ichigo was acting so strangely all of a sudden. He didn't need to be a love expert to know that a sudden change in personality like that and newfound vanity was a sign of coming infidelity.
He'd been scared, so fucking scared, but hadn't felt like he could talk to Ichigo about it, couldn't tell him that he was feeling insecure and afraid. 'You're not thinking of breaking up with me, are you?' The words were stuck in his throat for so long.
When he could finally stand it no longer, he'd told him, and Ichigo had assured him firmly, 'that's not why.' That's not why he was asking what he'd been asking, and the panic Renji had felt had been soothed, but that just made those questions all the more mysterious.
That's when he knew for sure that Ichigo's weird behavior had to come down to some sort of jealousy. He must have hurt Ichigo somehow, hurt his pride, made him feel inadequate. He didn't know how to reassure him that he was good enough, not just good enough even, but his dreams come true.
Renji's confronted him about it, asked him what was wrong, and explained that there was nothing between him and Hisagi now, that he was the only one he loved, and Ichigo has told him that he didn't feel jealous - but Renji still felt that he must have made Ichigo feel unspecial somehow.
To tell the truth though, after the never-ending barrage of new he'd experienced in his youth, in his days of prowling around, there was nothing desired more now than the comfort and warmth of Ichigo's love, the familiarity of being with someone you love and trust, knowing that he'd be there in their home, tonight, tomorrow, and in the coming years. The warmth in his heart satisfied him better than any thrill. It was no hardship to be faithful at all, it wasn't boring or a drag. Excitement wasn't what he craved, and he didn't know how to make Ichigo believe him.
Ichigo said he wasn't jealous, and he might really not have been, but he clearly felt inadequate in some way or else he wouldn't have put in such an effort to surprise him - and when he did what he did, wearing those panties for him, when Renji had thought afterwards about why he must have done it, he'd felt so, so awful. Had he really made Ichigo feel like he had to do that kind of thing to keep him happy?
But they'd talked about that too, and things had changed - 'Leave it to me,' he told Ichigo. And a door had opened. Wide.
Ever since then, Renji's been doing his damndest to give him the thrill he deserves. His first objective was to get Ichigo more comfortable with being in charge, in an effort to get him to feel better about divulging and verbally communicating what he wanted. Renji was enjoying the process immensely.
He was the experienced one, so Ichigo has always left everything to him, but it had never occurred to Renji before to be filthy with Ichigo. The thought has never struck him, and now that it has, now that Ichigo had opened that door all on his own, it felt dirty, dangerous, exhilarating, so wonderfully bad.
Maybe he'd bought too much into the idea of a man playing around when he was young, being filthy and crazy until he was tired of miscellaneous genitals, and then being warm and loving and faithful to his wife - who, for him, had turned out to be his steady boyfriend and partner, Ichigo. He'd been satisfied to contentment with the passion of sex with Ichigo, making love with him until they were both exhausted. Any element of adventure had been superfluous to the easy fun of the intimacy between them.
When Ichigo had finally worn those panties for him though, after that conversation, Renji had come to a realization. It had never occurred to him before that Ichigo'd never been that filthy crazy young man, he'd never felt those ups and downs before meeting him, never felt the heart-pounding lust, the thrill of excitement. He's only ever been with him and no one else.
And it was as if a door's been opened up. Ichigo'd done so much, his sweet, easily-embarrassed, cranky boy, he'd put his pride on the line for him to try and excite him. Renji loved him, he really did, so much. And so he resolved to blow his mind. Renji was going to take him apart, brick by brick.
'Leave it to me,' he whispered, and Ichigo did. Renji was going to give him his wish. He was going to make his wet dreams come true if it was the last thing he did.