Dear Readers,

I give you a general warning before you read this fic, that way, you wont flame me about anything. I'm writing this fic out of utter boredom, creativity shock, and disapproval with the usual Naruto fan fiction on this website. Where did the fun go? I'm tired of reading fics of Sasuke banging Naruto, Sakura getting bitten by a vamp Itachi (although I do ship ItaSaku), high school vacation stories, and the idiotic typos because the author didn't bother using spell-check. So in a way to keep myself sane, I'm writing a fic that I can truly appreciate and satifisy myself with: Pure Crack.

Fortunately, "The Melancholy of Uchiha Sasuke" has nothing to do with Haruhi. It will upset you if you like yaoi, and if you hate yaoi as well. I assure you, I am corrupting most of your favorite characters, so if you actually do read, your view could change of them. Maybe. And Sasuke fans would want to stay clear of this; that is if you can't take a little abuse of him. I would say I don't dislike Sasuke, but I'd be lying (the same with Ino as well). This is just my way of having Itachi beat him with a belt, or worse for being an ass. But don't stutter; he just might be the only sane character in this entire ficlet.

This is my first time releasing a "public" fan fiction, so all I ask is to be polite if you review. Although this foreword might sound bitchy, I assure you that I'm actually a great and kind person in general. I just don't want to get flamed by a bunch of prissy, pre-teen yaoi fan girls and I've seen newcomers get butchered by them as well.

Thanks,

Maora – chan

Disclaimer – I don't own Naruto, if I did, I'd be hanging out at the Playboy Mansion with Hugh Hefner and Snoop Dogg.

'Damn that woman.'

It was a thought Uchiha Sasuke had in his head daily. No, not daily; every hour. This woman was the cause of his problems, and because of her he dreaded living. For most people, coming home from work was heavenly; a time to relax and enjoy. Yet, for Sasuke, it was the complete opposite. Going to work was a relief, but coming home reminded him of his daily problems.

The once, rich and famous Uchiha Sasuke was broke. Well, broke wasn't the right term. He was living on the edge of lower middle class and living in poverty. After beating his infamous older brother, he returned to Konohagakure a dead man. To the town and Hokage, he had deserted their village, and went against regulations by joining Orochimaru. Sasuke had betrayed a village, and he would pay the ultimate price, in the worst way possible.

Climbing up the sets of his apartment, Sasuke counted his seconds left of his freedom. From his appearance, Sasuke might have been seen as another L, except, lacking L's appeal. L was highly intelligent; Sasuke lacked in it. Not in ninja skills, not in academics, but in common sense.

He hesitated to open door as he arrived on his doormat. Yet, the door was opened for him. He never had to open it.

"SASUKE-KUUN!!!"

The worst form of a human being came forth in front of him, in all her shiny disglory. Her hair was disturbed: blonde hair horrible tangled with extensions. Her face looked old, and although she had a nice figure, it was covered in dirt, scabs, and cat hair. Multiple stains were apparent on her the shirt she was wearing; and it was obviously too small as bust pushed out of it. It seemed the woman needed a bra, or at least wrappings, as two tips poked out of the shirt. It should also be noted that her legs seemed unshaved in weeks. Long, fake lashed eyes started in delight at the sight of Sasuke, his stared back in despair.

"Ino, I need to go to bed, please." He spoke with utter dryness.

"That ain't the point. Where that fried chicken I asked for?" As her mouth opened, her top layer of teeth plastered with fake gold. The bottom looked un-brushed for decades.

Walking sheepishly into a place he refused to call home, Ino walked behind. The place was a disaster, as if the ancient Hiroshima bomb blew up in their apartment twenty times. Food was splattered all over the kitchen floor, the living room was full of cat hair and make up stains, and mice ran up and down from the bathroom. He had never showered in the house, only at his job. Sasuke was not sure if living with Orochimaru was worse.

Searching for the bed as dim lights waved his eyesight, Sasuke retired to the only comfort he had. Yet, the former blonde kunoichi refused to let him sleep just yet. She had lit a cigarette, leaving the unpleasant aroma in the air. She still held it in right hand as she tried to cuddle to her unwilling partner.

"Ne, Sasuke. Well, you see…my nails look kinda rusty as you can see here. Plus, I haven't gone to a spa in weeks and I was if---"

"Ino…I have no money."

The blonde laughed in disbelief. She always had; for some reason, in that little brain of hers, she believed Sasuke always had money. In fact, whenever she maxed out her cards, or whenever she was in debt relief, he always had the money to pay it off. Well, according to her thought process. What she didn't know was that she was off, by ½. Sure, he did pay it off, but he was forced to pay it off.

Shifting to his backside to play with her hair, she quickly came back from her laugh.

"Hehe, you funny. But time to get real, I know we got that money. Now give me some."

Sasuke grunted in annoyance, this woman was delusional. He wondered as to why he married her in the first place.

"Ino, I'm not kidding. We are broke, and I am broke. I have no money."

She inhaled quickly into her cigarette, and let the smoke rise out of her mouth. Taping some of the burnt part into Sasuke's hair, Ino sighed in murderous delight.

"Sasuke, I want that money. And yous gonna get that money to me by tomorrow. Is that clear?"

He was sure it was midnight, and the Uchiha was in no mood to take his wife's antics. He could only muffle a simple "Whatever" and retreat back to the covers. As soon as he was aware Ino had left, he closed his eyes and tried to drift to sleep.

"suke…asuke…Sasuke…"

Was something calling out to him? He couldn't tell. He felt like his something…no, someone was calling out to him. Yet it the voice was so far away. A soft, angelic, voice. He was sure that whoever it was, she was near.

He needed to open his eyes; he needed to know whose voice was enchanting him. It was difficult at first, as he felt his eyelids were being weighed down on him. Yet, with a little bit of push, he finally opened them.

His eyes gleamed as he saw his first glance of pure beauty. The woman standing in front of him was a goddess; long silky pink hair, a figure to die for, and her ass…

Her back faced him, but she was just in reach. He could grab her and see her face. She was his gateway to heaven. Yes, he just needed her so badly.

But as he grabbed her delicate and smooth frame, it turned rough and hairy. The girl's long and silky hair became dirty, blonde, and badly placed extensions fell in and out. And as she turned around, she was no longer the girl Sasuke had anticipated to be; instead a beauty, out came the beast.

"Mmm, I need you Sasuke"

"FUCK!!"

The Uchiha had awoken from his nightmare. Sweat trickled all over his body and his breathing felt heavy. He hadn't had much of a scare since he was fourteen. Many years ago, he wouldn't have let such a woman get to him, but that was years ago. Things changed, horribly.

His bedroom crushed with a screech as the woman in his dreams appeared, ugly as ever.

"Hell Sasuke, you awake? Now you can give me that money!"

It was going to be a long day, a long day indeed.

AN: So that was Chapter UN. I think I should have added more to it, since it kind of seemed a bit short and fast going, but I think I'm happy with it regardless. I assure you Ino and Sasuke are not the only main characters in the story. In fact, Neji and Tenten will be coming shortly. Until next time 8Db