... I've been gone a while. I'll be surprised if I have any readers left. Alrighty, this is the story of how Mario and Luigi came to be in the Mushroom Kingdom. My favorite version is that they fell into a drain pipe in Brooklyn and landed in the MK one day. So there you have it.
Dirty, was what it was. The building he lived in was always so dirty. The bricks needed a good scrubbing, the floors needed to be swept and mopped, and their stuff was always all over the floor of their apartment. But it's not like Mario would ever do anything about it.
The man in red dug his key out of his pocket, all the while thinking about everything he should have done differently. He never wanted to be stuck in this dead-end plumbing business he started with his brother. He never wanted to drop out of high school. He never wanted to be a 25-year-old virgin. There were a lot of things he didn't want, but had to live with anyway.
Opening the door, he was greeted with the usual sight. Pizza boxes and nails on the floor, soda cans on the table and dust everywhere else. Mario threw his house key onto the kitchen table. "Hey, Weege."
His green-clad brother looked up from the newspaper. Luigi had taken to reading while sitting next to the phone in hopes someone would request their plumbing services. "Hey," he said, looking back to the paper. "A new plumbing service just opened down the street. Did you see it?"
"Yes," Mario answered bitterly. He pulled a chair out and sat down. "It looks like they're gonna put us outta business."
Luigi grimaced at the kitchen table, and Mario noticed the bills piled up under a couple soda cans. "What business?" Luigi asked. "We haven't gotten a single call about sinks or toilets in a month. I don't even know how we still have power!"
Mario shrugged. "I checked on the way home, we have just about enough money to get us through to the end of the month. After that..." He opened his empty hands. "... We're screwed."
Luigi sighed. "Maybe we shouldn't have gone into the plumbing business," he said, frustrated. "It sucks when a good piece of waterproof tape can do your job."
Riiiiiiing!
Mario and Luigi both froze and stared at the phone. That phone hadn't rung in a month, and they were both so dumbstruck that neither of them moved until the fourth ring.
"Answer it!"
Luigi practically dove for the phone and mashed it against his ear. "Mario Bros. Plumbing, you clog 'em, we clear 'em!" Pause. Luigi's face broke out in a huge grin. "Yes, yes, yes ma'am! We'll be there faster than you can say 'ravioli!'" He slammed the phone down happily. "We've got a job!"
"There you are!" A woman who looked ancient, her skin sagging inches below her face, opened the door and smiled at the pair. Her house was covered in doilies and smelled heavily of perfume. "Come in, come in, my bathtub won't unclog itself!"
"Of course, Mrs. Potts," Mario said, tipping his hat. "Thanks for choosing Mario Bros. Plumbing!"
The woman led the way to the bathroom, adjusting her glasses as she shuffled down the hallway. "Now, my bathtub has a clog the size of a dragon in it, I think. It's been causing me some trouble, and I just can't seem to take care of it myself. And it's been making the strangest noises."
"That's what we're here for, Miss," Luigi said. As they entered the bathroom, he peered into the tub. "Hm, it looks fine from here."
Mario lifted his plunger. "That's what this is for, genius." He jumped into the tub and began plunging.
There was a faint ding from the next room. "Oh, that's the casserole," Mrs. Potts said. "I'll be back in a moment."
As soon as she left, Mario swore faintly. "This is a tough one. I don't think Mrs. Potts has plunged this in years. Can you gimme a hand?"
Luigi climbed in and handed Mario a drain snake. "Try that." Mario set the plunger aside and trailed the snake down the drain. "Say... does the drain look a little... bigger?"
Mario looked at the drain. It did look a little like it had stretched an inch around, but metal doesn't just expand before your very eyes. "I dunno, Weege. It's a drain." But even as he said it, the drain was growing... The red-clad plumber leaned down in confusion. What was happening? Mario blinked a few times to make sure he wasn't imagining it.
"Bro..." Luigi said shakily. "Does it feel windy in here?"
"Luigi, you're just being paranoid." But he felt it too. It wasn't just wind, but a powerful suction. He gripped the side of the tub as he tossed the snake aside. "This isn't working, Could you hand me the- Aaaauugh!" Mario screamed. He had slipped, and when he looked down, he saw that his leg was being sucked into the drain, then his other leg, then he was up to his torso, the only thing keeping him from being swallowed up his hands clutching the side of the tub.
"Mario!" Luigi shouted, grabbing his older brother's arm. "I'll get you out! I'll- oh, damn!" Mario saw a brief glimpse of Luigi losing his footing before the drain sucked Mario down, dragging Luigi with him.