"Sometimes there's nothing left to do but give up," said Simon. "Take the operating room, for instance - you get any number of patients in and out, on your table and under your scalpel, and it's so..." He paused, frustrated. "Sometimes you can save 'em, and -"
"Sometimes you can't."
"Right. That's exactly right." He looked relieved that she understood.
"And sometimes they get better."
"Yes. A lot of them, in fact. I mean, the vast majority of my patients were in for fairly minor procedures, and the success rate was remarkably high."
"Go on."
"But once in a while," he continued, "I'd get a patient who was nearly dead anyway and who - well, there were times I wasn't entirely sure why they were asking me to fix them in the first place. Some things break..."
"...can't be fixed." Her face was unusually still, eyes solemn, eyebrows furrowed just a little bit.
They sat in silence for a few moments, sipping from delicate china cups.
"You're not talking about surgery, are you."
"Wh- of course I am! They're all true stories; I don't see what else I could have been talking about -"
"Oh, come off it, Simon."
"Excuse me? Come off what?"
"Your high horse. Ever since you laid eyes on Serenity, you've had the impression that you're somehow above her, or the crew, or the way things work. But you know what? I know better. I know how you think, I know what it's like, Simon, and just - don't. For once. Shove your pride down and say what you mean."
"I -"
"Do you love her?"
"River? Of course - she's my sister; of course I love her!"
"Don't play dumb with me, Doctor. I meant Kaylee, and you know it well."
"Kaylee is... special." His eyes locked on to his tealeaves and traced their constellations.
Kaylee, holding a blowtorch or mug of ale or blazing birthday cake. Kaylee in pink and green, blue scarves, rainbow-shaded umbrella.
"But sometimes - it's complicated, all right?"
"Complicated." An eyebrow lifted. "You mean you screwed it up again. It's a simple question: Do you love her?"
He let slip a few choice phrases in Chinese. "What would someone like you know about love, anyway?"
"Someone like me? Maybe you'd care to explain exactly what you mean by that remark," she said icily. "You do realize we come from very similar backgrounds, yes? But if you're referring to my Companion training, don't."
"I only meant - I just - I don't know what love is anymore."
Kaylee has a laugh that sounds like some kind of exotic bird, maybe, and her face lights up when they're alone together. She's prone to using colourful backplanet expressions; she's a constant.
"I can't help you with that, Simon."
"I know." He sighed defeatedly. "I know."
"And that's why you talk about your practice, isn't it? It's a metaphor that you can understand."
"I think that might be it."
"No need to look so sheepish," Inara suggested; "after all, it's not my opinion you should care so very much about."
"Yes, I... gathered as much."
"So go and talk to her!" Inara gently pried the cold teacup out of his hands. "This one's not beyond saving. You can still fix it!"
Kaylee triumphant, sweaty, beaming...
Simon stumbled out of Inara's shuttle, pulling the curtains shut behind him. Glancing down the stairs, he noticed an overall-clad figure sloping against the railing on the landing. Kaylee.
Be calm, he reminded himself as he descended the flight of stairs.
"Kaylee."
"Well, hello, Doctor!" She squinted up at him. "What brings you out and about?"
"I was just talking to Inara, and, uh..." He scratched his head, and finally allowed himself to make eye contact. "I just... wondered... if maybe - you know, the next time we're planetside - you wanted to, I don't know, take a walk or something?"
Kaylee broke into a grin. "Did you just ask me out? Like, on a real date?"
"I guess I did."
She considered for a second or two, and Simon despaired.
Then, "Shiny."