Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I DO own this alterante universe.

Warnings: Yaoi, shounen ai, rape, cursing, abuse and similar adult content not fit for young readers in this story. Don't like, don't read. Also, extreme OOC-ness, but that's too be expected in an alterante universe.

LOVELYDUCKIESSWIMINPONDSANDQUACKLIKESINGINGDAFFODILS

It was the middle of the day in Konoha, and the streets were busy with adults while all the children were at the academy or in school. THe Hokage Monument that showed the four greatest ninja's of Konoha was the pride of the village. Well, it used to be. There were swirls, runny noses, eye-glasses, and moustaches painted on all three of them, the only one untouched was the fourth. The main suspect? A certain blonde-haired, blue-eyed student.

Infact, they were there right now, just starting on giving the Fourth a makeover with some semi-permanent paint. Namely, and eyepatch and lipstick. This person wore a dark orange, long-sleeved shirt with a black stripe going across the middle and black shorts that stopped just above the knee. This person was...

"Yamanaka Ino!" She stopped and turned to look down at the disturbance, a young brunette male with a spiky ponytail. She grinned impishly.

"Did someone say my name?"she called back, still slathering red paint on the Fourth's lips. The boy growled and shook his fist at her.

"You get down here right now! Or else!"

"Or else what?"she snapped back irritably. She hated that bossy know-it-all, always getting in her way.

"I'll show you what..."he muttered, a dangerous glint in his eye. He growled and turned around, walking back the way he came.

"Can't anyone take a joke around here?" Ino cried out, looking over her shoulder in a panic. Of all the people to send after her, it just HAD to be him. Maybe she should've stopped after the 'mascara' and restrained herself from writing 'The Fourth is Gay'. Maybe.

"Ino-san!" Ino scowled slightly. Damn Shikamaru! Why'd he have to go tattle to Naruto? She glanced around for a place to hide when suddenly a net flew out of nowhere and snagged her.

"Wah!" she tripped and fell, getting even more tangled up.

"You okay?" She looked up to see a boy with similar blonde hair staring down at her, his fore-finger resting on his lip and concern shining in his azure eyes.

"Er... yeah,"she grunted and fought against the net. A wicked smile spread across his face,"Good." He grabbed the net and started to drag her back to class.

"Watch it!"she yelped. He just gave her the look. She swore under her breath. Like she really NEEDED to get lectured by someone 2 inches shorter than her. She snickered quietly to herself. Uzumaki had always been kind of touchy about his height. He opened his mouth so he could reprimand her as they headed back to class, but she interrupted him rudely,

"Oi, Chibi- think we can skip out on the guilt trip this time?" He sent her another 'look' and she glared back.

"Ino-san, care to tell me why you were tagging the Monument? Or why you happen to think my dad is a homosexual?"

"I thought it'd be funny! And what are you, some Homophobe?" she bit back in her defense. Naruto rolled his eyes and jerked the net a little harder than necessary. He didn't really have a problem, he just knew his dad wasn't. After all, it wasn't nice to spread rumours like that, especially if it wasn't true.

"Don't avoid the questions, Ino-san. You're going to have to clean that up-"

"Fine, I'll clean it up," Ino smirked. "So you're going to let me go then?"

"-AFTER class," he finished, giving her a smug smile.

"Damn." And she had been hoping she could ditch the rest of the day. The rest of the trip was filled by a long lecture of how the Hokages were to be respected and she was supposed to be in class and how Ino was being irresponsible and blah blah blah... Sometimes she just wished he would cut that whole 'holier-than-thou' act.

ILIKETOMOVEITMOVEITILIKETOMOVEITMOVEITYOULIKETOMOVEITMOVEIT

"We're going to have a pop quiz!" Iruka announced on her arrival. Naruto cut the net and Ino clambered out, looking crabby. First she got dragged half-war across the village and her ears talked off, and now THIS? Ino groaned. Stupid Iruka-sensei!

"Excuse me?" Iruka gave her an incredulous look and Ino paled slightly. Crap, did she say that outloud?

"Yes, you did," Iruka frowned at her. "And since you seem so eager you can go first!"

She hissed under her breath as Iruka motioned for everyone to line up, with Ino at the front. Behind her was Naruto, with his red vest, black shirt and khaki pants. The others in line were a fidgety looking boy with striking black hair and eyes, a long-sleeved, dark blue shirt adorned with the Uchiha symbol, and white shorts. He was handsome, but he was more of the 'look-but-don't-touch' sort of guy. No sane girl wanted to be involved with a 'fraidy-cat like Uchiha Sasuke.

Then there was a moody girl with white eyes, and that crazy dog guy who only talked to himself and his dog, and that one guy with the sunglasses and white coat who always tried to grope girls. Damn bug-freak, pervert. And that annoying romance-freak, her sort-of-friend Shikamaru, and the lazy fat-ass who ate alot and talked too much. Also one of her sort-of-friends, Chouji. The only reason she had to deal with them was because her good-for-nothing parents were trying to recreate their damn Shika-Ino-Chou trio. Stupid parents. But last in line was her only REAL friend. The elusive, dangerous, untouchable- Haruno Sakura.

She had her own fanclub, was extremely popular, and had BOTH genders sending her love letters almost everyday. Her hair was naturally pink, or so she had heard, but she had put dark purple streaks through it and tied it back in a low hanging pontytail, opposed to Ino's short blonde hair that was cropped just below her ears. She wore fish net on her arms and legs and a sleeveless, violet, one-piece dress that stopped at her midthigh. Her eyes were a jaded, emerald green and she always wore black eyeliner. She tended to be violent and rude, but she was beautiful and rebellious. Yes, if you couldn't tell already, Ino was jealous. But that didn't mean they weren't friends. She grinned to herself. All that really mattered was that Sakura could cause hell if she wanted to, and Ino liked making havoc. Alot.

"Yamanaka Ino." She stepped forward and brought her hands together in the hand-seal, 'Ram'.

"Henge!" A duplicate of Iruka appeared in a cloud of smoke. He nodded and checked her name off as she dispelled it and walked back to her place.

"Uzumaki Naruto." The blonde came to the front.

"Henge!" Another cloud of smoke, and a perfect replica of Iruka. He nodded once more.

"Uchiha Sasuke." The raven haired boy shook slightly played with his hands, timidly making his way to the front.

"He- henge!" A more or less similar version of their teacher appeared. Iruka winced slightly, this had not gone unnoticed by the 'Iruka' infront of him, and checked his name off as well. Sasuke dispelled the jutsu, looking completely dispaired and walked off to his spot where Naruto was waiting for him. He patted his friend on the back and fed him a few soothing words to calm him down. A few more names, then it was time for the last person in line. Iruka narrowed his eyes and reluctantly called out her name.

"Haruno Sakura." Sakura grinned maliciously, Iruka shivered at this point, and STOMPED forward.

"Henge!" The smoke cleared and in Sakura's place was... a dolphin? The clas broke out laughing. A dolphin with a scar across it's nose and Iruka's pontyail flapped it's fins playfully and wiggled on the floor. Iruka turned bright red with embarrasment and anger.

"Haruno-san!" She dispelled the jutsu and stared at him coolly.

"What? You asked me to turn into iruka,"she sneered. The class quieted with a glare from their teacher. He pinched the bridge of his nose. Deep breaths... deep breaths... they're only children...

"Haruno-san, see me after class. You, too, Yamanaka-san." They both rolled their eyes and Sakura flipped him off. Iruka's eye twitched violently. Deep breaths... it's illegal to kill students... He tried to compose himself the best he could and cleared his throat to make an announcement.

"The final exam will be tomorrow, so I hope you'll all be prepared." They all shifted in their seats, watching the clock and waiting for it to ring.

Brrring!
"Class dismissed!" Everyone clambered out eagerly, but Ino and Sakura lingered in their seats, Ino making funny faces at him and Sakura shooting him a death-glare. Iruka sighed. Whatever happened to the kunoichi of the old days? He got out two buckets and sponges and escorted them out the door.

"Yamanaka-san, you need to clean the Hokage monument. Your friend Haruno-san can help you." Sakura shrugged and walked off with Ino and Iruka in tow. He needed to supervise them so they didn't run off. That girl... Iruka frowned worriedly. She had alot of talent, but with the same amount of attitued to go with it. She was a good ninja, despite being dead-last in class.

"Haruno-san?" She turned her head slightly.

"You ARE going to take the final exam aren't you?"

She didn't answer and Iruka stared at her frustratedly.

"It's not optional, you know."

"It never is, is it?"she replied in dry humour. He sighed.

"So are you?"

Sakura grunted in reply, and he could only hope it was a 'yes'.

THISISTHEENDOFTHECHAPTERSOSTOPREADINGANDREVIEWDAMMIT

Author's Note: YES! I'M FINIIIIIIIIIIIIISHED! WHOO HOO! cough sorry about that. Anyways, this is my first new ficcy, so don't COMPLETELY bastardize my fic, ok? I know I'm not good- but what do you expect from an eighth grader? pause Wait, don't answer that. Anyways, R&R or whatever. You could always just NOT read and leave a review anyways, or read but don't review. Although I'd rather like the reviews. I need at least 10 to post my new chapter, ok?

Next Up: Cooking Class with Naruto and Sasuke!