Loki had known all along it was impossible to finish the rest of his book in less than a month, he should have told his editor as soon as she gave him a new deadline but he had been stubborn enough to accept it. It did mean a huge bonus if he finished it by the new deadline and it meant not having his editor calling him every two hours to ask him how everything was going.
It was a win for him all around and yet the words that had flow so easily before the new deadline stopped abruptly, like they had sense his fear and decided they were due for a vacation. It was all very ridiculous and Loki hated it.
He sat at his desk now, unmoving, staring at the blank document opened on his laptop unable to do anything but stare at it. The coffee next to the laptop was as cold as the Chinese take out next to it, Loki didn't think he had even glanced at it when he opened it, couldn't even remember ordering it.
The unnerving silence in his apartment was broken loudly as someone opened his front door. He sighed and leaned back, trying to think if it was that time already. He thought it couldn't be, things weren't at that point yet, were they?
The sudden pangs of hunger and the dust traveling around the room gave him an answer.
"Loki." The scolding voice coming from the doorway to his home office was soft and soothing, the usual shivers traveled down his spine and as always Loki was amazed that her voice could produce such a powerful reaction in his body.
He turned to look at her, she always wore clothes that hid her body and glasses that did nothing to accentuate her face, he disliked both but he was no position to reprimand her for it. Not when she fed him and took care of him.
"Darcy." Her name was a prayer on his lips and looking at her crossed arms and disapproving look were making the vacationing words come back to him, they seem to be as eager to see her as he was.
"You missed dinner with your parents yesterday so Jane called me." She didn't need to say more, Loki cursed low under his breath because he never missed dinner with his mother, not if he could help it. It made sense then that Darcy was there, she was only called to check on him when he did something stupid which just happened to occur when he near a deadline.
"I didn't mean to-" The rest of his apology was cut short when she entered the room and pulled on his arm, he could have resisted her but knew there was no point.
"When is your deadline?" She asked him as she dragged him to his kitchen, which he knew was barren of food.
"Three weeks from now, I think." He couldn't recall the date, for all he knew the deadline was tomorrow.
"Two weeks, your deadline is two weeks from now. Seriously dude, how can you lose track of so much time?" It was a rhetorical question, he knew. She always asked him to same thing and he was always usually wrong.
"My apologies." Was the only thing he offered as she shoved him into one of the kitchen chairs and dumped a burger and fries on a plate for him.
He ate slowly because he couldn't remember the last time he ate and the last thing he wanted was a stomach ache. Darcy left the kitchen for a moment before coming back with a couple bags of groceries, he didn't offer her any help because she just usually growled at him before making him go back to his food.
He watched her as she cleaned the empty cupboards and arranged the new groceries in them, she did the same with the fridge and not once did she turn around to look at him as he kept eating.
"Alright you know what's next, go shower." She told him as soon as he placed the dirty plate in the empty sink. He nodded and dutifully went to his bedroom to gather clean clothes and shower.
Loki tried to not think of her as he showered, tried to not remember how her naked body looked like soaking wet. He groaned at the unwanted imagery and switched to cold water for the rest of his shower.
Darcy was cleaning his living room when he came back, hair dripping and sweatpants loose and comfortable. She was wiping down his coffee table, the dust that had gathered there making the white cloth she was using a nasty black. Loki almost felt embarrassed about it.
"Was my mother incredibly upset?" This would be a new milestone in his forgetfulness, he had never missed a dinner with his parents even if he could do without seeing Odin.
"I don't know, I only talked to Jane and Hill." He wasn't the least surprised to know Darcy had his editor's number and that they communicated without his knowledge, "But maybe you should call her and say sorry, where's your phone anyway?"
He shrugged because he couldn't remember the last time he saw it, it was probably dead somewhere.
"Seriously?" She threw the dirty rag at him and he caught it with grimace, the dust he let run wild staining his fingers.
"You know how much I dislike the thing." He knew phones, understood them for what they were but didn't find the appeal anyway. Not the way Darcy did.
"Nobody is saying you have marry the thing, just make sure you answer your mom's calls once in awhile." Darcy's annoyance was nothing new and he had gotten used it, had even learned to appreciate it.
He went back to his office to retrieve his laptop, noting that Darcy had already made a sweep of it before going back to his living room and sitting on his couch.
The words flew easily now, like the blockage had never been there. Darcy continued to get rid of the dust while she rambled on about different topics like his brother and his wife, about school, about life outside the four walls he had shut himself in.
Her voice became a soothing murmured, something he couldn't replicate with anyone else except his mother.
"It's time to go to bed." Her voice was a whisper against his ear and he turned to see her sitting next to him in the fading sunlight.
"It's early." He fought even as his eyes started to burn, she gave an amused smile before getting up and walking towards his bedroom.
The document on his laptop was pages longer than it had been for weeks, Loki knew it was thanks to Darcy, only she could produce such inspiration inside of him.
Darcy was putting on a new comforter on clean sheets when he came in the room, she had done the same thing a million times before. She had taken care of him when he forgot how to, when the need to work was stronger than his need to live.
"Why didn't we work?" They were together for only four weeks when his entire world fell apart, when he made an enemy out of his father and an empty shell out of himself. He had become angry and moody, afraid of his own false skin and how it could hurt her and before he could tell her to leave she had done it herself.
"Because we weren't meant to." And he could tell that to her that was truth.
It wasn't to him, he understood it was his fault that the happy courtship they had had fallen to ruins but he also remembered late at night that he was always meant for her.
"You need to stop coming." He feverishly wanted to take the words back even if they had been the right ones, he missed her enough to let her do this but that wasn't fair to her. And not, he was realizing, to himself.
"No, I can't. You have idea how to take care of yourself." Her wounded look made him drag himself to her, only leaving enough room between them to not make him do something he would regret later.
"As you like to point out, I am a grown ass man. You need to stop coming because otherwise I'll never learn how." As hurtful as it was to both of them, he knew it was the truth. He was embarrassingly dependent on her, on her affection for him to carry him through when he was at his lowest and it was unfair to both of them.
Darcy needed to move on as much as he did. Even if he knew he never would.
"I know we were only together for a month but I..." She fidgeted and Loki nodded his head because he understood what she was trying to say. The time they spent together had been short but to both of them it felt like a lifetime, a life that neither of them knew how quite to resuscitate.
"Me too." He wondered sometimes what his life would have been if his parents hadn't slipped about his true parentage, if the feelings that had soar inside him because of it hadn't presented themselves. He thought maybe he would still be with Darcy, playing house and loving her without barriers. He could never bring himself to dream of more.
"I'll miss you Loki, I'll really do." Because she had never truly left, for the last four years she had been there making him food and giving him comfort and she was still always there. This was goodbye Loki knew, like she had never told him before.
"I'll miss you too." He found that no matter how much he wanted to close the gap between them, he couldn't not without the knowledge that it would only make it hurt more. There would be no goodbye kiss like he always pictured but maybe that was better.
Darcy grabbed his hand, gave it one last squeeze before walking out of his bedroom. He heard her gather her things and he waited for the sound of the front door closing before he went back to the living room.
There, sitting neatly besides his still open laptop was the spare key he had given her years ago.
He picked it up wistfully, giving himself the last small pleasurable thought of running after her before he threw the key against the wall and let his fantasies fall with it.
He quietly sat back down, brought his laptop back to life and continue writing the words that only Darcy could bring.