Self-Defense
by Kit Lupin
Disclaimer: "Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy" belongs to Danny Antonucci, not me.
It's self-defense, the Kankers say to themselves in the dark of the night. Self-defense, that's all. That's why they hurt the Eds so much, so the Eds won't hurt them.
They know the ways of men. Bubba, Rod, Butch- oh, how they hate those names.
Their mother. She had been so pretty, so strong, but after Bubba and Rod and Butch, she was like a fallen angel, her beautiful hair limp and greasy, her slender frame now gaunt, showing her ribcage, her voice a hoarse whisper instead of a nightingale's song.
May remembers what Bubba did to her mother. Sweet words, coated in intoxicating honey to mask the burning flame of lust beneath, a lust that drove the horrible man to break May's mother. Bubba was a manipulator, hiding his cruelty with a false kindness in order to make May's mother his serving wench. How many times had May Kanker seen her wonderful, tough-as-nails mother as a slave to Bubba, bending over backwards just for his own pleasure as he leered on? She had lost count.
Marie remembers what Rod did to her mother. Cold indifference, even neglect. Long nights on the town, only coming home in a drunken stupor to fall asleep on the couch. Making Marie's mother feel like she wasn't good enough for him. Rod was aloof, not caring about his soulmate, only seeing her as a trophy to display. How many times had Marie Kanker seen her mother crying because of Rod's abandonment? She had lost count.
Lee remembers what Butch did to her mother. Shouts of rage, threatening gestures. Even the most innocuous things became weapons in his hands, weapons with which to stain his wife's beautiful pearly skin with dark red agony. Butch was violent, a butcher (and Lee sees the cruel joke in his name and the way he treated her mother), not caring who or what he hurt as long as he had fun doing it. How many times had Lee Kanker seen her mother's scars, her bruises, the proof of the pain Butch caused her? She had lost count.
The Kanker sisters know the ways of men. They know Ed, Edd, and Eddy will become like that, like all men do. So they have turned the tables and fought back. They torment the Eds so the Eds won't torment them. The kisses, the insane laughter, the violence, the fear they put into the heads of those three boys. It's all self-defense.
Lee doesn't want to end up like her mother, covered in scars. Marie doesn't want to end up like her mother, sobbing every night. May doesn't want to end up like her mother, a wretched slave.
So they have made a creed to strike first. The Eds are their foes. Bitter flames burn in the hearts of the Kanker Sisters as they remember their mother's destruction, and they vow to destroy the Eds, to make them feel as much pain as possible.
They know the ways of men.
Author's Note: Whoever is posting the rude reviews on this story ridiculing BarthVader and calling this story "retarded", please stop. You are being inexcusably rude for two reasons. First: The reviews page is not your personal playground for starting flame wars. Second: I put a lot of thought and hard work into writing this story, short as it may be, and singlehandedly dismissing it by calling it "retarded" is incredibly insulting, not only to me, but to people who are actually mentally retarded. If you have a problem with this story, please state it in a calm and rational manner instead of calling it "retarded".
Also, to the kind patrons of this story who do not mindlessly flame it: Thank you kindly for reading my story! I hope you enjoyed my interpretation of the Kankers and their abusive antics.